There is no place more lonely than a crowded car.

Everyone was so excited. Singing, smiling. Yet I knew. I could feel deep inside me that something is wrong. I told myself not to be afraid. It had to happen. I should be happy when it did.

So I plastered the fake smile on my face and sang along. I had never said that I wanted to die smiling. I had never said that I wanted to die singing. I didn't ever mind the though of dying amongst my four best friends. But that made it worse. I knew that there were going to be problems once I went. We were hanging together by a string. I was that string. As soon as I was cut off, they would fall apart.

I didn't know what would happen. Would they ruin their auditions? Would they hate each other forever? Would all of the complicated relationships between them fall apart?

Now I know. One was successful in her audition. They did hate each other for a long time. And they all fell apart. They would all have love. They would all lose love. They would all feel pain. They would each have a moment that felt like death to them.

But they wouldn't know. Only one of us died young.

That one was me.

I'm okay with it now. I was really okay with it then, too. But I wanted to fall in love at least once in my life. And I didn't.

Maybe that was for the better, though. The other four girls: Julia, Lana, Jess, and Jamie all suffered because of love. Because of lost love.

I guess it's a matter of opinion. Is it better to never love, or to love and be hurt?