When I was fourteen, I smoked in the boy's room and on my exhale would hear fists of rage. And when I was sixteen, I was stabbed in the heart by Eve Foster. And she did it in one felt swoop.

And I mostly had a happy childhood. And I had a dog. And a little sister.

And that was in a small midwest town but a month ago I picked up and left, and a few days later my virgin feet stood upon a curb in the illustrious city known as New York, where flesh is sold at a price and the woman to the right of me was screaming, "There's the asshole that did it!"

Life is a cycle, everyone knows that. It had just been my turn to smell the exhaust of the cars and become a proper urbanite.

I'd been encircled by the smell of a cows and chickens and farms. I had just been awoken by their sound every morning for too long.

It'd been time for a change.

So I did leave. And I ended up here. I knew that little town could hold no contentment for me besides some misapprehension that nature is the greatest beauty you can find. I would be lying to myself. I don't believe that. The sound of people's heels sauntering down the city's cements - the seeds of human creativity, that's the greatest beauty. Not some cows in a pasture. Not some chickens clucking in their henhouse.

I gave up life in nowhere Kansas to live life here. I chose this. I chose to sit in my desolate one- room apartment. I chose to sit on my mattress' end and scribble screenplays on a yellow legal pad.

And I guess I'm happy.

Because that's my idea of beauty.

And I know to fully grasp that beauty, I'm going to have some personal tribulations. And I accept that just as well.

I know that I can and will feel the emptiness in my pockets burn holes into my legs for some time.

And I know I do and will feel how the cold water sprinkles over my body as my gas payment is overdue.

But there's something in the worst of situation that makes you feel that the best thing to happen in your life is soon to come. And that beauty is just waiting to sprout. That that light flickering above you will soon enough shine brightly. And that's how I feel. As I jot down notes and observe the life of this place, something is building up inside of me. And soon enough it'll be released. And when it does, it'll be new to people. It'll be something great. It'll be in words and it'll be shown like it hadn't been shown before.

And that's enough. Seeing all this isn't enough. Thinking that you know enough isn't enough.

You have to go with the ebb and flow of life. My midwestern life was the calm. Here's the storm. But it's a beautiful one.

And that makes all the difference.