Master of Evil Felines

"You're an idiot."

"What? You're the idiot, you're the one who opened the door and let the cat out and let her run down the street-"

"Yeah, but you're an idiot because you have a cat. I wouldn't have lost it if you didn't have it."

"Yeah right! If I had a hamster you would have lost it! You don't even - oh, God, never mind. You don't even get it. Now I don't have a cat, so you don't have to worry about losing it."

"Good. You're better off anyway, cats think they're superior to you. They're no fun. You should get a dog."

"What, so you can lose that too?"

"No, I don't think I'd lose a dog. Not if it was a big one."

"Don't underestimate yourself."

"I don't. Obviously."

"Obviously."

"So, now that your cat's gone, I guess that you won't need to clean that stinky litter box every Friday night."

"Well, you're right. I suppose I should hang out with you every Friday night from now on."

"Good idea, except-"

"You're an idiot."

"I thought we agreed that you-"

"We didn't agree on anything! Now, why are you here? Honestly."

"Well, I wanted to come to tell you that-"

"You know what? I don't even care. Go home. I want to wallow in my self pity."

"Why, cause you lost your cat?"

"No - because YOU lost my cat."

"Whatever, man, you and your mechanics."

"Oh, JEEZ!"

"What?"

"It's just...I think you meant..."

"What?!"

"Technicalities would be the word you were looking for there."

"Word for what?"

"Forget it. Why are you still here?"

"Because I wanted to let you know that I got a cat."

"WHAT?"

"Yeah, and I wanted to know what to feed-"

"YOU got a cat?"

"Yeah. My mom got it for me."

"But you just said-!"

"You never let me finish, man! I was saying that most cats suck. Not mine."

"Obviously!"

"I mean, YOUR cat was like, the master of evil felines, you know?"

"Sure."

"Your cat HATED me."

"I wonder why."

"It's a mystery! I guess we'll never know, now."

"How would we have found out anyway?"

"Anything's possible."

"In your world, maybe."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I...ugh. Just forget it. Take my cat food, and bowls, the litter box, take it all. Just get out of here."

"Hey, don't take it harsh! Remember, I just did YOU a favour."

"Want to do me another one?"

"Sure. Anything, man."

"Grab my cat. She's sniffing your toe."

"You sure you don't want me to-"

"Just GRAB her...very slowly..."

"Fine. Here. You owe me one, man."

"Thanks. Yeah. Sure."

"Can I still have the-"

"No. Go home."

"But you said-"

"I said go home!"

"Fine. Whatever."

"Bye, Billy."

"I should have chased the bloody thing away..."

"Hey, Billy?"

"What?"

"Feed it hard food. The soft stuff isn't good for their teeth."

"Oh..thanks man."

"No problem. Have fun."

"See you Friday?"

"Of course not."

"Ditto."

"Later, man."

"Later."