Rain

Emily Burns

May 8th, 2003.

"Spending my life with you, I always thought thats what I'd do..."

Aurolyn Thomas mumbled tonelessly under her breath, wiping away her tears and staring at herself in the mirror.

You're pathetic, you know that?

She rolled her eyes up into the back of her head to stop the tears from flowing freely down her scrubbed, red cheeks and took a deep breath. She knew that crying over Benjamin wasn't going to help anything, but she just couldn't seem to stop.

She'd had a crush on Benjamin for what had seemed like forever. Last month, he'd asked her to go to the Spring Formal with her, and she'd nearly died on the spot. They went to the formal, both looking absolutely stunning, and she couldn't remember a time where she'd had as much fun. It was like her most vivid fantasy was coming to life! That night when the limo driver had dropped her off, Benjamin had gotten out of the car and walked her to her door. He'd kissed her cheek, and given her a smile (that smile, that exact one that had been haunting her since the third grade.)

She went to bed in a state of absolute ecstasy. However, he didn't call her all weekend. The Monday following, he'd acknowledged her with a smile in the hallway and then...nothing. Confused, Aurolyn had contemplated for days on how to confront him. Was he ever going to ask her out again? Should she just give him time to call her? Would she be rushing him if she were to pester him?

Finally, she'd decided to casually ask him online.

×fallen× says: Hey, Benjamin

..Benji.. says: oh hey, auro...how goes it?

×fallen× says: not bad...how about you?

..Benji.. says: great! the party last night was wicked, didn't you think so?

×fallen× says: party?

..Benji.. says: yeah! weren't you there? I thought I'd invited you

×fallen× says: you didn't

..Benji.. says: oh well...sorry bout that, maybe it was mandy that I told...ask her about it, she had a great time

..Benji.. says: you should come to the next one though, they're always a blast

Maybe it had been Mandy that he'd told? Mandy...Mandy Lewis, somebody that Aurolyn had held a distinct disliking to since the fifth grade, when Mandy had beaten Aurolyn at badminton. Badminton was the only sport that Aurolyn was actually good at. Mandy Lewis was also taller, prettier and more popular than Aurolyn, and even though she was past the stage of pining for the whole deck of cards, Aurolyn had never felt so hurt. She had been upstaged - again.

Benjamin had always had a soft spot for girls like Mandy. That is, girls who had absolutely everything going for them. Aurolyn didn't know why she hadn't seen it coming.

You're such a baby. You always knew, deep down, that he was never interested in you.

Aurolyn wiped her eyes again and stood up. She wanted to scream, she was so frustrated.

You should go outside. The sunshine always makes you feel better when you're in these gushy moods.

She nodded her head to herself and resigned herself to the idea sitting out on the porch -alone- and staring out into space. Hopefully the image of Benjamin and Mandy wouldn't pop up in malevolent intervals.

She walked down the hallway in a sort of arcane trance, but stopped dead when she found herself looking out the window - at rain.

Well, its raining. I don't think it can get much worse than this.

Aurolyn's shoulders slumped wretchedly and she dropped down onto the bench in the hallway, which was positioned right beneath the window. Her breath caught in her throat as her eyes met a photo of her parents at Woodstock 69' when they were teenagers. It was blown up, and encased in a sparkly, tacky frame that read "I will always love you." She glowered at it, then turned around to look out the window instead.

Outside seemed to be deserted. Where she had earlier pictured azure skies were dark grey clouds, and raindrops were falling steadily outside the glass.

Aurolyn didn't like the rain. It always made her hair frizzy, especially on yearbook picture day, and it made the pages in her books spongy and wrinkled.

When she saw a young couple walking, hand in hand, through the rain, she started and readjusted herself on the bench to watch them.

They were silent, their lips unmoving. They held the other's hand with distinct protectiveness and ease, and were walking at a fairly slow pace. The girl was looking off into the sky, and the boy looked at her. He touched her cheek with his other hand, wiping it of the rain. She smiled at him, as if in a beatific trance, and leaned over to kiss him gently.

Aurolyn blinked and pulled back from the window, feeling as though she had been doing something wrong. It was an invasion of privacy, even though the couple were walking in public.

Why would they walk in the rain? They didn't even look like they had a destination...they were just wandering around aimlessly, enjoying the splattering of liquid onto their skin and clothing. Why? Aurolyn had no idea. She looked back out the window, and saw the couple's backs, heading away from her.

You're never going to find somebody who will walk in the rain with you.

Aurolyn could feel the tears creeping into her eyes again, and blinked, summoning them away. She had to be strong about this...she had to forget about Benjamin, and Mandy, and all of her feelings that she had kept bottled up for nine years.

You'll never find somebody to fill the void.

Would she ever be able to find anybody to walk in the rain with her? Somebody who wouldn't care about her frizzy hair, or her raccoon-eyes, or her chubby legs? Somebody who would make her feel complete?

Aurolyn wiped the tears from her eyes and sniffed.

She didn't have anybody to care about what her hair looked like now. Why shouldn't she go outside, sit in the rain, get poured on? Maybe it would help mask the tears that were streaming down her face so mutinously.

She set her shoulders back, stood up and walked deliberately out the door, without grabbing so much as a sweater.

After she'd opened the door, closed it behind her and stepped down off of the porch, she felt the first droplet on her head. It was cool, and soft. Refreshing.

She suddenly got a vivid desire to open her mouth and catch the droplets, like she'd done when she was little. Not caring, she stuck her tongue out and let her hair fall back as she leaned her head. She closed her eyes, and just let the water drench her...from her clothing, her hair...right down into her very pores.

Aurolyn was so caught up in the enjoyment of feeling the natural water caress her skin that she forgot that she was standing in the middle of her lawn. She forgot about her daunting experience with Benjamin. She forgot about Mandy, and how she had gotten a full deck in life. She only felt herself, being alone and free.

She suddenly opened her eyes, and realized the surreal reality. She smiled to herself, and closed them again.

I don't need somebody to fulfill me, or walk in the rain with me. I'm out here by myself, and I feel....free. Complete.

She'd had an epiphany. And the voice in her head, constantly nagging her? It had nothing to say about it.