Saturday, July 3rd

11: 11 a.m.

~~~~~~~~~~Radley~~~~~~~~~

“I just heard a twang.” I tell Makeel and Damien and I try to fix up his song. “Either you meant to do that, or that string needs tightening.”

Makeel sighs lightly then adjust the string on his guitar a little. “Only problem is, if I tighten it, it’ll be off key.”

“No, not really.” I say. “If you tighten, you’ll just have to find a new place to put your fingers up there to make the same note.”

Makeel takes a moment before nodding and trying to find the chord he was looking for.

The small room is silent except for Makeel’s attempts to smooth out his melody. An acoustic guitar is so different from the one I have. The sound is different and you can play different types of songs on it. “See, I want it to have that Latin-flavored tone to it. I just don’t know how to put it together.”

Damien laughs a little. “You want that south-of-the-border thing going, don’t you? I told you, speed it up just a tad and throw in a few fill-ins and maybe an augmented or diminished chord or two.”

Makeel frowned. “How do you know that?”

Damien shrugged. “Don’t ask me, I saw it on some show last night that was talking about Mexico. I think it was the Travel channel or something.”

“You watch the Travel channel?” I ask him.

A look of embarrassment crosses Damien’s face. “It’s a lot more interesting than the History channel or the Food Network... No offense, Ray.”

“I only watch the Food Network to get help on seafood like crab and shrimp. I can never get the temperature right and the flavor turns out all wrong...”

“I we here to talk about shellfish or music?” Makeel interrupts.

I turn back to him from talking with Damien. “Sorry...”

Makeel starts his song from the top, trying to spice it up like Damien advised, but there was still something missing. It’s like one of those types of melodies that make no sense until another instrument comes in. Maybe that’s what it needs, another instrument.

After watching Makeel’s hands for a moment, I come up with a different pattern in my hand that will compliment it well. I pick up my guitar from in front of me and join in the best I can. At first, Makeel stops, then begins again. I thought I saw Damien nod his head a little.

“See, now you got it.” Damien said after a while, getting up off the floor, leaving me and Makeel sitting Indian-style across from each other.

“Only problem is, my part will sound completely different as soon as I plug in my guitar.” I say.

Makeel shakes his head. “Don’t worry about it... We can fix it up somehow.”

Damien just yawns and stretches.

I turn back to Makeel, who is studying his guitar. “Thanks for all your help.” he says without looking up.

“Glad I could be of service.” I say, standing up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~Jessie~~~~~~~~~~

12: 06 p.m.

“I wouldn’t look at it as a bad thing.” Hunter says, showing me some rather unexpected photos.

“Where did these come from?” I ask.

Hunter smiles. They were the pictures he took of me and Radley while we babysitting a month or two ago. “I don’t know. Where DID I get them from?” he asks himself. He was mocking me.

“Going back to the first thing.” I say, glancing at the pictures every now and then. “Maybe I should just accept the fact that Keith and Radley are going out and just find somebody else to chase after.”

“Didn’t I just tell you not to look at it as a bad thing. For as long as you’ve known Radley, you should be at least a little happy for him. We both know that this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for him.”

“Not really... Technically, he has a lot of chances. I wish I had beat Keith to him, though.” I say, my eyes lowering to the floor. We were standing outside Hunter’s bedroom waiting for Jasmine to finish feeding their baby.

Hunter just turns around from the door to face me and makes me look up at him. “For the last time, it’s not your fault. It’s not that there is anything wrong with you, Radley just isn’t interested in you.”

“But he knows I like him.” I hiss, trying to keep my eyes from watering by closing them.

“You aren’t listening to me! Maybe it is your fault, to a degree.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, YOU were the one who put up the whole homophobic act for half a year. Even if he did like you at one point, he probably doesn’t anymore because you made it clear that you didn’t like that sort of stuff.”

I nod. He was right. It is virtually my fault. “Do you think I still have a chance?”

Hunter just rolls his eyes. “You are becoming aggravating.” he says. “Just drop it, will you. Go after someone else, but don’t weigh yourself down with a memory. You can’t change the things that happen in the past, but if you put out a little effort, you can change what happens in the future.”

“Since when did you become all philosophical?” I ask him.

He just rolls his eyes again and gives me that ‘you’re getting on my last nerves’ glare. “Just remember what I said. Go get your stuff and I’ll drop you off at your house.”

I nod and watch him as he opens the door to his room and shuts it behind him. I walk down the hallway and grab my CD player from off the kitchen table. “It’s time to move on. I’m not going to let one thing ruin my summer... or at least what’s left of it. I feel like I just got into that summer mode and it’s already almost over. Where does time go?” I ask myself.

I look around the rather large kitchen and after a while, my eyes settle on the half open window. “Out the window, I guess...”

~~~~~~~~~~Keith~~~~~~~~~

12: 32 p.m.

I feel really bad. Guilty, perhaps. I know it happened a few weeks ago, but I broke my promise. I made a promise to Radley that I would never hurt him intentionally. The only thing that is keeping me from feeling really bad is that he doesn’t know that I went to the mall with her. What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him, but it’ll hurt even worse when he finds out I did and he’ll get mad at me for not telling him the truth.

I take a sip from the glass of ginger ale I have in my hand and look at Kenny, who is sitting on the other side of the table, writing something with his finger on the table. “We both did something wrong, recently.” I say, trying to break the silence. He continues writing with his finger, as if he hadn’t heard. “But it was because of me that it happened.”

Kenny glanced up at me, finally interested.

“It was my fault that Khleo found out about you going out with him to see if you were gay or not. When I look back on it now, I realize that that was a matter better left between us. I shouldn’t have told Radley about it. Now Khleo is probably depressed because you dumped him for practically no reason...”

Kenny turned his eyes back to his invisible writing.

“I know it was all my fault that all of this has happened. Everything started off well... But it was because of me that things are screwed up now. If your experimenting thing was left between us, Jessie wouldn’t know and he wouldn’t be disgusted with both of us now...”

Kenny looked back up at me. “You’ve been doing some experimenting yourself.” he says.

“What are you talking about?” I say, trying to sound surprised, or appalled, whichever works.

“You came home with lipstick on your cheek last night. Even though I don’t know him that well, I pretty much know that Radley isn’t gay enough to wear lipstick.” he says.

“Okay...Okay... You caught me. But that was a one-time only thing, I swear! The kiss was just to get back at someone. That was way back in school.... “

“Oh, so now you’re becoming man whore?”

“What do you mean?”

“You know exactly what I mean. You’re going to start sneaking around behind Radley’s back and get some girl pregnant just like Hunter.”

“Look. That’s not what it may seem. My heart still belongs to Radley and it always will until we both agree that things aren’t going to well for us...”

Kenny just rolls his eyes disbelievingly and starts writing on the table with his finger again.

“What are you doing?”

Kenny doesn’t answer at first, but before I can repeat myself, he looks up at me. “I’m just working on my apology to Khleo. I haven’t really officially apologized to him, yet. Your guilt is beginning to make ME feel bad, so I just want to go ahead and clear the air between the two of us.”

I nod and take another sip of ginger ale. I close my eyes and think about what I can do for Radley. “It’s been a while since I last saw him. Maybe I should go by his house and see what he’s up to.”

“Go on ahead.” Kenny says, finishing whatever it was he was writing on the table and getting up. “It would make him feel better for you neglecting him.”

I grab my car keys and check the time. “I just hope he’s home.”

~~~~~~~~Radley~~~~~

1: 01 p.m.

I open up the front door to see Keith standing there, smiling. “What are you doing here?” I ask.

“I just thought I’d might drop by.” he says.

I move from in front of the door to allow him in and he follows me to the kitchen. He took a deep whiff of the aroma and smiled again. “What are you cooking, Ray?”

“Not cooking, baking.” I correct. Showing him a tray of oatmeal-raisin cookies in the process of cooling. “I’m just making a batch of my specialty cookies for no particular reason.” I say, sarcastically. He didn’t seem to catch it.

“I’ve got a reason.” he says, enthusiastically.

“Well, too late. I’m making them for a little get-together tomorrow.”

“A little fourth of July party, or something?” he asks.

“Yeah. It’s not a party, it’s just a picnic with friends.” I say.

“Picnic? How come I’ve never heard about this picnic?”

“If you call me a little more often, maybe you would know about things like this. Besides, it was just planned today.”

“Who? What? When? Where?” he asks.

“Makeel, Damien, Jessie, Paul and I are just going to the inlet to watch the fireworks display tomorrow night.”

“The inlet? Isn’t that twenty miles away?”

“Yeah. It’s supposed to be a spectacular event because a cruise ship is going to be docked there and it is going to be all lit up and everything.”

“Well, don’t you need a ride there?”

“Already got one.”

Keith’s eyes searched frantically around the kitchen. “Can I come?”

I shake my head slightly. “It was supposed to be a band-only thing, but I guess we can make a slight exception.”

Keith seemed to relax and he took a deep breath. I turned around and went to the stove to check on my cookies. They were ready. I cut the oven off and put on an oven mitt and took the tray of hot cookies out of the oven and put them onto the cooling rack with the others.

“Are you sure it will be alright for me to go?” Keith asked, hugging me when I finished the cookies.

I leaned into his chest and I actually had to think about that a moment.

“What kind of band-only thing are you talking about?” he asks.

“Makeel is our lead guitarists because he knows how to play a little better than I do... Damien is the drummer, he’s been playing since he was six, I think. Jessie is the bassist. We sort of recruited him. He came over to my house two weeks ago just wanting to hang out, so I took him to Makeel and Damien’s house and that’s when he told us his dad taught him to play the bass before he became an alcoholic. I guess you could call me the lead vocalist. All Jessie wants to do is rap, Damien can’t sing worth a flip and Makeel has a very limited range. We all came together by chance. It started with me just helping Makeel out, then Damien suggested we start a band and... I guess that’s how it went.”

“Wow... A lot has happened in the past month or two. But didn’t you say something about a Paul guy? I didn’t hear you say anything about him.”

“He’s our driver...manager... Well, not really manager, he just likes to sit and listen during our practices. He works at a CD store, so he has to listen to music all day. He knows quite a bit about musical arrangement for some strange reason. I think he just likes directing people... I don’t know. I’ll have to ask him.”

He pulls away to look at me in the eye. “I’m really sorry that we couldn’t get together more often. This summer has literally flown by and I’m not sure I did all that I could’ve done. You know?”

“I guess.”

“There is one thing I’ve wanted to talk with you about.”

“What is it?” I ask, taking the oven mitt off. My hand was beginning to sweat because of it.

He sighs and sit down at the kitchen table and holds me in his lap. This is the first time we’ve sat like this, so it felt kind of weird. “What do you think about starting a family?”

I’m pretty sure I gave him a good confused look. “What do you mean?”

“I mean... The responsibility of raising and supporting a child...” he says, nonchalantly.

“Not unless you’ve gone crazy, I can’t have kids.”

“No...That’s not what I meant.” he says, kissing me on the cheek lightly. I forgot how long it has been since the last time Keith and I kissed.

“Then what did you mean?”

There is a short silence as Keith massages my shoulder with his hand. “I don’t really know myself. I just thought it would be interesting to at least talk about the possibility...”

“Wait... If you’re asking me to have sex with you, the answer is no.” I say.

He shakes his head. “That’s not what I’m asking. Sex is the furthest thing on my mind...”

“Well... If you just wanted to talk about it and didn’t actually mean you wanted to really start a family, you should have said so.” I say, allowing him to kiss my cheek again.

He wraps his arms around me and holds me close to him. “Just think about it. In ten years, we’ll be living in a big house with a garden in the front yard, maybe a fountain, a half a mile long driveway... We’ll wake up in the morning to the screams of our triplets and the barking of our two dogs....” he whispers into my ear.

I think about it again. Trying to picture the image of living how he described, but there was something odd about the dream and it felt strange. To tell you the truth, I wasn’t even planning to still be with Keith in ten years. Not that being with him is a bad thing, but I guess I was just thinking short-term.

“I can wake up to the smell of a country breakfast...eggs, sausage, pancakes, made by no other than my sweetheart. On the weekends, we can go to our indoor pool and teach our kids how to swim...”

“An indoor pool...? I never thought of that...” I whisper.

He smiles and kisses me tentatively on the lips. “When we come home from work and the kids are at their after-school thing, and we have the house to ourselves....”

“Keith!” I say, sitting up in his lap. “I thought you said-”

“You wouldn’t let me finish.” he says and I lean back against him, feeling his breath on my ear. “I was going to say that when you would come home, there would already be dinner cooked and the two of us will have a romantic, candlelit dinner...”

I begin to relax again in his arms, but a thought crossed my mind. “Are you buttering me up for something? What is it that you want? I already told you that you could come with us to the picnic!”

Keith smiles, calming me down with a deep kiss on the lips. It was one of those kisses that make you forget about everything else that is going on. With each passing second, the kiss grew deeper and he even tried to push his tongue into my mouth, but I wouldn’t let him. He continued to be persistent, so I literally bit his tongue and it immediately withdrew into his mouth.

I felt his arms slip lower and lower down my back, but I was starting not to care. After a while, Paul came into my mind and for some strange reason, I imagined I was kissing Paul instead of Keith. For some strange reason, that sparked something inside of me and I tried to deepen the kiss. What was really Keith’s hands massaging my lower back, were Paul’s in my mind. What was really Keith’s tongue licking my front teeth, were Paul’s in my mind. In fact, I almost got carried away. Keith literally had to push me off his lap to stop me. “Wow...” he said. “Something tells me you’ve been practicing your kissing.” Keith said, taking a deep breath.

In a way, I felt ashamed. I had to think about Paul to enjoy this moment, but in a way, it wasn’t a bad thing. I smiled and Keith stood up to embrace me. “So. What is it that you want?” I ask.

He just laughed and held my hand in his. “I was just marveling at the fact that absence really does make the heart grow fonder.”

I smiled, but I began to feel a slight ache. It was wrong for me to picture Paul. I think I figured out why people cheat so much. They find someone a little bit better. I just hope things don’t get too carried away.

~~~~~~~~~Paul~~~~~~~

7: 56 p.m.

I’m SUPPOSED to be rearranging the CDs into alphabetical order before we close for today but my mind has been wandering all day. “How did this end up all the way over here?” I ask myself, picking up a Country CD out of the R&B aisle.

“Are you alright?” one of my co-workers asked as she closed the iron gate at the front of the store.

I wasn’t paying much attention to anything today and she, to be honest, wasn’t on my ‘to pay attention to’ list. She repeated her question when she walked up to me.

“I’m fine.” I say, returning the CD to it’s proper place. I was trying to avoid her, by busying myself with the rearranging of the DVDs, but of course, she was too nosy to just drop it.

“You’ve been a little...distanced lately. Are you sure there is nothing wrong?”

“What you want to hear is on a need-to-know basis and you don’t need to know.” I tell her, removing the store’s keys from my shirt pocket and tossing them to her. “I just have somewhere to be and I just hope I’m not late.” I say while walking toward the gate. “See you Monday.”

***************

The air outside the mall was actually quite cool with a strong breeze blowing through. I had nothing but Radley on my mind. Those deep brown eyes that harbor unspoken thoughts and emotions, not just a window to his soul. His mind, the source of the thoughts and emotions he wants no one else to know of, or experience... Those poetic words he speaks are a song with their own music, their own heart and soul.... Words that hint at a deeper, darker emotion... A turmoil that goes beneath the surface, a despair he hides in all alone. I can tell by the fact that every time he smiles, it’s never a genuine smile. It always looks forced.

I know that Radley already has a boyfriend, but Keith isn’t right for him. Only I am. Only I can wipe away the invisible tears Radley sheds because I am the only one who sees them. The only one to notice Radley’s emotional frailty. Keith can’t slow down enough to try to dig deep into Radley’s soul and uncover the sadness he hides from everyone.

Keith isn’t good enough for Radley. Only I am. I am the only one who can hold Radley’s hand at night to chase away his fears. To keep away the doubt and untruth that plagues the earth. I am the only one good enough for Radley, because I am the only one who sees that Radley is in emotional pain.

I am the only one capable of healing him. Helping him. Opening the eyes of his soul to realize that Keith isn’t a bit concerned about what lies in his heart and his mind. If Keith was smart enough to realize that Radley isn’t the type of person who can be won over my material gifts and promises of something better, he would better understand that Radley has no intention of offering his body to Keith just so that Keith can have somewhere to stick his horny dick!

“Radley. If only you could see that Keith is no good for you. I don’t know how I know it, but I feel that deep inside, Keith is using you.” I yell. I’m sitting in my car, screaming. “It makes no sense! I want to save you, Radley. I want to rescue you before you realize that your dreams and Keith’s dreams are different.”

I take a deep breath and close my eyes, sinking back into my seat.

I am the only one good enough for Radley. I’ll show him that I’m the only one good enough for him. He has to remember his real self. He’s behaving like a completely different person now that he has let Keith take over his life. “If only there was a way I could show him that he is no longer the deep thinking, silent talking, creative and artistic boy that I used to indirectly know and love. If only I could show him that he’s being underappreciated by Keith. Keith doesn’t see you the way you see him! Why can’t you realize that?” I yell.

For a long moment, I just sit there, my eyes beginning to water. “I’ll show you the truth, Radley. I’m not going to sit here and watch someone take control of you.” I say. “I won’t be able to live with myself if I knew that I didn’t do anything to prevent Keith taking advantage of you. You may not be able to see through the mist that Keith has surrounded himself with, but I easily can.”

I wipe the tears away from eyes and crank up my car. “I’m the only one good enough for you, love. I’ll make you realize that, before it’s too late.”