Brother Of Mines

Dear Brother,

This is hard for me to say
But I found no better time then to let it out today
The question that has ached my heart since the dawn to time...

Do you hate me?You did nothing to make me feel this way
But the facts of it all made me come to this conclusion

Brother, you where abandon by our father
He left you at the other end of the earth
He left your mom
For my mom
And never came back

He left your world
For my world
With out a second thought

Do you not feel a little betrayed?With at least a tiny sting of pain?
Some regret? some antipathy?

You can hate me if it makes you feel better
I don't mind
Because in a way I am apart of the crime

You did not deserve that
You needed him before I did
You needed him more then I did
And Yet I got him
And you where left with zero fathers to care for you

I remember the time you came all the way to from Detroit to visit
I know, then, you didn't like my mother
And she, you too
I could see the jealousy in your brown eyes
And the un-canny pout of defiance
As she laid down the rules for you

And though you showed me all the love as a brother can
I know there has to be something behind that blank mask

You went to the Navy to clear you head
I remember you said `the hell with, it I wanna be dead'
Clear your head from the pain from the fatherless years?
Clear your head from the midpoint between different families?

You only saw my face three odd times
Once I can't even remember
They all where so long ago I can hardly even remember
You came with a load of clothes
That cold chilly September

You where all that
In my seven year old eyes
And the thought of me not being able to know brings so many tears
And makes me cry

You said in that letter
That you wanted to get to know me
But perhaps it was a detour for my own diminutive feelings

You need not lie
Cuz I don't mind
I may, for a moment, stop to wonder why

But it's your choice
your life
Live it to the fullest

I just don't understand
How you can love
Your girlfriend
More then your sister

But thats your business
In the end it all cool
With good times sighed in pretty letters

Perhaps I should
Let go to these first grade feelings
And live my life as you do yours
Representing my 2 sisters in California
And pretending you, and my other sister are nothing

I can't do that, though
Because I still have the little kennel of hope in my heart
That when you do come home from the Navy
You'd actually come visit
Not because of the letters I sent
But because of the simple fact you love me
How I love you

I can recall the time when you curse dad out
And call your mom to go home
She cam in the flash

In my attempt to keep you with me
I wrote you a letter
A few days later
I received that letter, that was for you
it was torn, and cut into small pieces
I don't know if you it was you
Dad said it was your mother....
Things like that still hurt for some reason
Like a throbbing wound
It was so long ago
And it feels so soon

I better ends this now because my emotions can go on and on
Until they over flood

But Wes I love you
And I will never hate you-even if you hate me
Or fell bad because your mom isn't my mom, and mine isn't yours
So I hope that you can feel the same

Because in the end, there is no one to rightfully blame.....