Chapter 28.

Jane Poirot Marple looked over at Ishmael.  “What are we going to do?  He doesn’t remember anything?”  She began to cry, sobbing uncontrollably.  “All is lost.  We’ve come so far, surmounted insurmountable obstacles, been to places we never expected and met strange people, and now all is lost.

“Do you think he will snap out of it?” asked Ishmael.  “Perhaps if we give him some time he will regain the use of his brain and his memory.”

“I don’t think that there is anything else we can do, at the moment.  Oh curses that I had to take the self-defense class so many years ago.”

“Are there any more of you Nanowrimians around that maybe could help?”

Suddenly Cassie, now feeling the effects of being a combined murder mystery investigator character, had an idea.  “No, there aren’t any more of us here, but I think I know someone that might be willing to help us out.  I’ll just need some assistance getting her here.

Suddenly, there was a bright flash of light, and Allison Alison, the Farmer’s daughter, appeared.

“Hi Allison, welcome to the Old Testament.  It is nice to see you again!” said Jane Poirot Marple as she ran over to give her a hug.

“Uh, Hi Cassie, where are we and how did I get here?”

“You were sent here by the Supreme Creator of the Universe on my request.  I, I mean we, need your help.  As you can see, I inadvertently clocked O'Ryan, and now he has lost his memory.  It is going to take some time for it to come back, if it ever does.  And we are on an important mission, with the fate of the entire world resting on our shoulders.  Are you in?”

Allison Alison didn’t know what to say.  She looked around and saw Cassie, looking as pretty as ever standing next to her;  O'Ryan sitting on the ground drooling on himself, and an old man with a long beard standing next to a camel, watching them.  “But what could I possible do to help you?  I am just a former farm girl turned prostitute whore who now works in Las Vegas.”

“Yes, but you also are a self made woman, who rose out of nothingness to become one of the best in her profession.  I know this from my own personal experiences.  If you could do that, you can certainly help me here.  I don’t know how, but I am sure of it.”

The explanation seemed to satisfy Allison’s fear, and she relaxed.  “Who is the old man?” she asked.

“Call me Ishmael.  I am their escort, guide and chaperone.”

“Pleased to meet you,” said Allison, extending out her hand.

“We must hurry.  There is not a lot of time left for us to save the world.  I can see dust on the horizon.  It must be the Imbroglians getting ready to exploit their position.  Come, let us ride!”

The girls saddled up, and O'Ryan climbed onto the camel behind Cassie.  He was still dazed, and was looking around at the scenery, blowing bubbles with the spittle on his lips.  Off they road, until they came into view of the Imbroglian stronghold.

“We need a diversion.  Allison, I think this is where you come in.”

They dismounted their camels, and hid behind some street vendors.  Allison walked out into the street. Luckily, during the teleportation process, the Supreme Creator of the Universe remembered to put her into the proper attire for several thousand years B.C.  Looking like I Dream of Jeannie, she sauntered up to the gate of the fortress the Imbroglians were calling home.

There were two guards standing out side the fortress.  Upon seeing Allison, they stopped paying attention to guarding and instead began paying attention to her.  “Hey boys, like what you see?” she called to them, swinging her hips and looking over her shoulder.

Their eyes followed her, and they nodded their heads yes.  For being evil creatures intent on destroying the Earth, they did have good taste in human women.  Of course, to the Imbroglians, having good taste in women meant that once the mating ritual was over, they would eat the woman, hence that section about good taste.

Suddenly Allison stopped dead and addressed the author.  “Excuse, me.  Did you just write that after the Imbroglians mated, they ate the human woman, as in, chew my flesh and crunch on my bones?”

“Not exactly in those words, but that was the gist of what I wrote,” said the author.

“Than why in hell would I want to do this?  I wasn’t told about this part of the job.”

“Easy, easy,” said the author.  “I’m not going to let the Imbroglians eat you, at least, not in the sense of chew your flesh and crunch your bones.  I may let them “eat” you in other ways, if you want, because after all, you are a prostitute whore.”

“Well, that part is okay with me.  Do I have your word about the flesh chewing and bone crunching?”

“Yes, absolutely.”

“Okay, I feel better now.  Let’s get back on with the story.”

Allison Alison looked back at the guards.  “Hey boys, why don’t you come along for a walk with me, and I’ll show you a good time.  Have you ever seen a woman as hot as I am?”

The guards forgot all about guard duty and took off after Allison Alison.  She led them right past where Jane Poirot Marple, Ishmael and Jason Bourne Matarese were hiding.  Using some nifty amphoras that the had just purchased, Jane Poirot Marple and Ishmael shattered the amphoras on the heads of the Imbroglian guards, knocking them out cold. 

Suddenly with an idea, Jane Poirot Marple picked up a spare amphora and cracked it over the head of O'Ryan, knocking him to the ground,

“What did you do that for?” asked a shocked Ishmael and Allison Alison.

“I am hoping that the crack on the head may jar him enough so that his memory returns, and then he will be of help to us again.”

Just as she finished saying that, O'Ryan sat up, rubbing the back of his head.  “Wow, I just had the weirdest dream.  I dreamt that Cassie clocked me on the jaw and then cracked me over the head with a clay amphora.”

“Did you hear that?  He called me by name!!! O'Ryan, do you know who you are?”

“What a stupid question to ask me.  Of course I know who I am.”  He saw Allison standing there, and asked, “Arent’ you the farm girl turned prostitute Allison Alison?  I’m very sorry I missed out on the threesome the other night.  From what Cassie told me and demonstrated to me, I really did miss out.  I hope that you will forgive me, and I also hope that perhaps the three of us can get together another time.”

Allison slapped him across the face.  “Hey, asshole, just because I’m a prostitute doesn’t mean I’m easy.  You had your chance.”  But when she saw the hurt look in his eyes, she had a change of heart.  She also remembered just then that Cassie had told her he was hung like a racehorse.  “Okay, never mind.  Just let me know when and where, and I’ll be there with bells on.”

“Young people, may I interrupt and mention that since the guards are now unconscious, we should tie them up and then head into the fortress and save the Earth?”

“Oh yes, by all means!” they said,  taking Ishmael’s advice and tying up the guards.  Then they snuck into the fortress, making sure to close the gate behind them.

Their disguises of Jason Bourne Matarese and Jane Poirot Marple appeared to be working, for no one questioned them.  Indeed, having the old man and the young woman along made it appear that they had hostages with them.  They used this to their advantage, and were able to obtain entry into the Imbroglian Chieftan’s private quarters, where they said they were bringing sacrifices to him.

“Who dares enter my chambers?” roared the Imbroglian Chieftan.  “I was just about to begin my beauty rest.”

“We come bearing sacrifices to you, Great Chieftan.  An old man and his young concubine.  Do you like them?”

“Who are you two?  You appear to be Imbroglians, yet I do not recognize you.”

“We are new here,” answered Jason Bourne Matarese.   “I am Jason Bourne Matarese.  I have come here by way of a smuggler’s boat over the Black Sea.  There is a computer chip impregnated under the skin of my left thigh, which contains top secret microfilm of the new Soviet missile complex.  I have killed over a dozen enemy agents with my bare hands and a piece of piano wire, but was shocked to find out that the Soviets obtained their missile technology from none other than the Chief of Staff of the President himself, who sold the secret technology to provide funding for his band of Ubermen who secretly were planning a coup d’etat to overthrow the President of the United States.  I am on my way now to deliver the information to him, however he thinks that I have turned sides and has ordered me to be killed on sight.”

“Ah, yes, I see,” said the Imbroglian Chieftain.   O'Ryan’s cover story had worked perfectly.  “And you?  Who are you?” he said to Jane Poirot Marple.

“I am Jane Poirot Marple.  I happened to be walking be visiting the city today, when I ran into the chief police inspector and he informed me of the finding of a dead body out in the Olive Grove.  It reminded me of a case I once was involved in where the body was found and it appeared to be a suicide.  But closer examination of the corpse provided some clues about the carpet fabric of the murderer’s house.  Upon further investigation, I discovered that the carpet was a unique weave pattern that had been special ordered by none other than the brother-in-law of the sister of the dead person.  When I questioned him about the this, I deduced that the sister’s brother-in-law had just taken out a new insurance policy on his brother, who turned out to be the sister’s husband and hence his brother.  Now having motive and having placed the deceased body in the suspected perpetrator’s Tudor Mansion, I just had to locate a cause of death.  I did this by discovering a small vial of rat poison that was supposed to have been used in the horse stables, but was instead dissolved in the teacup of the deceased.  Little did the perpetrator of the crime know that the poison wasn’t solubable in well water with a pH lower than 6.2, and that his well water’s pH was 5.9!!!”

The plan had worked.  By the time Jane Poirot Marple had finished her deductive reasoning, the Imbroglian Chieftan had been totally confused by the evidence trail and his eyes had crossed.  The mystery plot was so complicated and finely detailed that he couldn’t process it all.  Suddenly, his eyes crossed and he slumped to the floor.  His brain had imploded.

Quickly, using their PC’s to assist, Cassie and O'Ryan hacked into the communication console, and sent out a site wide email to all of the Imbroglians on Earth.

“Attention, Attention.  To all of the Imbroglians on Earth.  Our mission here is completed, and we are now going to return home to Imbroglia. Before we leave, however, we are going to destroy all of our equipment, release all of our captives and abandon our search for the Nanowrimians.  I have discovered that there are no longer any Nanowrimians living on Earth.  The two we were searching for have vanished, and will not be coming back.  So let’s saddle up and get the f___ out of here and get back to Imbroglia.  Our mission here is complete.”

O'Ryan hit the send button, and off the email went.  In a matter of minutes, the entire landing party of Imbroglians had left the Earth, and the Supreme Creator of the Universe was able to begin restoring order back to the Old Testament.

Jason Bourne Matarese, now to be know as O'Ryan again, and Jane Poirot Marple, now to be know as Cassie again, prepared to leave the Sinai and return home.  To their surprise, Allison Alison didn’t want to return to the present.  She had fallen in love with Ishmael, and they had decided to purchase a small shop in the city and set up an Internet café.

So the two groups parted ways, and O'Ryan and Cassie returned to the present, back in the hotel room of the Venetian in Las Vegas, where they had only checked in a week earlier.  Allison and Ishmael began the immense task of not only redecorating the Internet café, but also of laying the groundwork for the entire Internet.  By the way, the rumor that Al Gore invented the Internet was totally bogus.

Chapter 29.  The Denouement

O'Ryan and Cassie spent the next several days recovering from their ordeal in the Old Testament.  They ordered room service and barely left their room. Finally, after the umpteenth room service call, they decided it was time to head out of the room and join the real world again.  They dressed sensibly for the hot desert air, and left the room, heading down the hall to the waiting elevator.  To their surprise, their were no other buttons pushed other than lobby.

“How odd,” said O'Ryan.  The last time I came to the elevator there was a young boy running around who was pressing every button and then racing the elevator up and down the tower.  I wonder what happened to him?”

Just then, a hand reached out and stopped the elevator door from closing.  It was the young boy O'Ryan was just thinking about.

“Excuse me, young man.  You don’t intend to push every button on the elevator again, do you?  Because the last time you did that it really aggravated me!”

“Of course not, kind sir,” answered the young boy quite politely.  “There is no longer a need for that course of action.  You see, the word count is now forty seven thousand, eight hundred and twenty three.  There is no longer a need to pad the word count by watching the elevator go up and down.  Besides I got very tired running up and down twenty seven flights of stairs.  I used to be quite overweight, you see, but I lost about thirty five pounds that night.  I am actually lucky to be alive, given my advanced state of asthma.”

“Well, that explains it, I guess,” said O'Ryan, staring at the boy.

The three of them rode the elevator in silence.  There was a bad muzac version of Raindrops keep Falling on My Head playing over the intercom, and O'Ryan found himself suspiciously tapping his foot to the beat.  Finally, the elevator landed on the lobby floor, and the young boy raced off into the casino.  The security guards were not far behind him, as the casino was supposed to be limited to adults only.

Cassie and O'Ryan also headed into the casino, and decided to try their luck at the roulette wheel.  O'Ryan placed a hundred dollar bill on the number twenty-seven, and watched as the wheel spun around and around and around. The ball made a curious skipping sound as it skitted across the numbered wheel, finally landing on twenty-seven red.  O'Ryan looked at Cassie, who shouted “Woohoo!!! We won!!!” The dealer gave them the payout of thirty five hundred dollar chips, which O'Ryan and Cassie brought over to the cashier to exchange for real dollars.

They decided to leave the casino, and headed outside to enjoy the beautiful desert day.  As they walked along, O'Ryan suddenly stopped.  “Hey Cassie, I’ve got a great idea.  There is a jewelry store just across the street.  I bet we could get a pretty nice diamond ring for you with this thirty five hundred dollars we just won.”

Cassie looked at him in shock.

“All right, maybe not a really nice ring, but at least a halfway decent one.”

Cassie was still staring at him.  “Do you mean that you still want to marry me?  I thought that after our adventure in the Sinai when I clocked you on the head and then hit you with the amphora that the wedding was off.  And then when we returned here, you didn’t mention wedding at all.  And blah blah blah blah blah”  She was in tears now, babbling incoherently.

“Cassie, Cassie, get a grip on yourself.  Stop babbling.  Get a grip.  Breath!  C’mon girl…”   O'Ryan grabbed her shoulders and attempted to stop her babbling.  He was starting to fear that she wouldn’t be able to snap out of it.  But it was no use.  She couldn’t stop blah blahing.  Finally, he slapped her across the face, and she stopped blah blahing and looked at him.

“Thank you!” she said.  “I needed that.  Now as I was saying.  After all we have been through, do you still want to marry me?”

“Yes, my dear, with all my heart!” O'Ryan said, grabbing her hands and holding them between them.  “Let’s do it today, at the Viva Las Vegas Wedding Chapel down the road!  What do you say?”

“I say that that is fine by me,” she answered, and hugged him tightly.

They proceeded across the street, and were able to purchase a very pretty half carat diamond engagement ring with the roulette winnings.  They left the store, and O'Ryan got down one knee and looked up at Cassie.

“Cassie, will you accept this ring as a token of my love for you, and marry me today at the Elvis Chapel?”

“You have made me the happiest woman in the world by asking me to marry you.  Of course I will!”

The headed to the street, and hailed a cab. “ Take us to the Viva Las Vegas Wedding Chapel please, 1205 Las Vegas Blvd South, because we’re getting married!!!” said O'Ryan, beaming from ear to ear.

The driver nodded his head and took off, spinning the wheels as pulled out into the street.  He raced down the highway, swerving in and out of traffic until finally arriving at the chapel.  O'Ryan and Cassie got out of the cab, their faces frozen in terror from the wild ride. 

The doorman saw them, and said “There, there, folks, nothing to be afraid of.  People get married all the time around here.  May I have your names, please?”

O'Ryan told him, then looked concerned.  “We didn’t need to call ahead for reservations, did we?”

The door man looked at his clipboard.  “Mr. O'Ryan, I do have a reservation for you today.  As a matter of fact, your guests have already started arriving.”

O'Ryan looked at Cassie.  “You didn’t call ahead, did you?”

“No, I’ve been with you all day.”

“Then who did?”

“That would have been me,” boomed a voice from the corner of the room.  “Welcome to one of my branch offices.  It is nice to see you again.  Thank you again for saving the world and assisting me in defeating those evil Imbroglians for once and for all.”

It was the Supreme Creator of the Universe, decked out in all his splendor, smiling at them and welcoming them with open arms.  “I have been able to assemble a few of your friends today, as well. May I present….”

Ishmael and Allison Alison came forward.  “We wouldn’t have missed this for the world!” said Allison.  The Supreme Creator of the Universe contacted us over the Internet and filled us in your future plans, and was kind enough to bring us to the present long enough to watch the ceremony.  But we did have to promise to return, however.  Apparently he has something important in store for some of our descendants in about a thousand years.”

Ishmael gave them both a great bear hug.  “Yes, my children.  I too am happy for you.  Perhaps one day in the future you will be able to come back to the past to visit us.”

Then the Supreme Creator of the Universe spoke again.  “I believe there is another person here who also would like to say hello.”

“Well what do you know.  I never would have guessed that the two of you, of all people, would be tying the knot. It must have been that long schlong think that boyfriend over here has, wasn’t it?”  It was Paul Laris, on leave from his new assignment on the space place taxi service.

“Paul,” said Cassie,  “It’s so nice to see you again.  Thank you for coming to our wedding!”

“Well, it was the least I could do.  After all, the two of you did help me out quite a bit.  And if it weren’t for you, I never would have met my friend Neville.  I hope you don’t mind that I brought him along as my invited guest.”

Neville approached, and all of them shook hands.

The Supreme Creator of the Universe once again spoke.  “I also invited two people that you have never met, however your brave actions had a significant impact on their lives.”

Out stepped a young man and woman, wearing only fig leaves.  “Hello, we are Adam and Eve.  The real Adam and Eve, not the imposters.  The Imbroglians kidnapped us and held us incognito until you defeated them.  Once we were free, the Supreme Creator of the Universe was able to place us back into the Garden of Eden, where we have been living ever since.”

Just then another voice began speaking.  “Greetings, salutations, hello and good day!”  It was Commander Webster Miriam from the Thesaurian Battle Cruiser Cinonhym. 

“Hello Commander Webster Miriam,” said O'Ryan and Cassie.  “We are so glad you came to see us get married!”

“It is my pleasure, delight and joy to be part of this wonderful, momentous, significant, historical and big event.  I could bear, stand, tolerate or put up with not coming.  Unfortunately, regrettably, sadly and alas, I cannot stay long, for my ship will be leaving orbit within the hour, so I suggest, put forward, advise and recommend that we begin the proceedings, ceremony, service, and ritual.”

“Just a minute, we have quite a few more guests to introduce,” said the Supreme Creator of the Universe, and with that, about fifty five Amish men, women and children entered the back of the church.  “These were the poor Amish that were teleported to the Russian Steppe by the Imbroglians back in part two of the novel.  They came to extend their thanks to you, and also to wish you well in your future life together.”

The Amish all bowed their heads, and took off their hats, as they looked at O'Ryan and Cassie and offered their thanks and well wishes.

“So, now if everyone is ready, let us begin the wedding.  Dearly beloved, we are gathered here….”

The End