Confessions

I stared up at the faces around me; they were all blurry. Not because of the bleeding or the bullet wound, but because the fact that my glasses were currently lying on the ground next to me. I reached over and grabbed them with my left arm; my right one was currently useless.

As I put the glasses on my face everything came into focus. There was a constantly wailing sound, almost like screaming; it was screaming. I noticed all the little sounds in the area, the eerie silence that surrounded the block after the black sedan pulled away, the slow rustling of leaves that shows how miniscule you are to the world, I mean you’re lying on the ground dying and the wind doesn’t have the courtesy to stop blowing for a measly five minutes.

There’s slow sobbing, a wrenching sound like a person is in physical pain. I looked up more clearly now and I know where the wrenching sound is coming from; she’s crying. I moved my left hand over my stomach to cover the other two bullet holes; one was already in my right shoulder.

“Don’t die, don’t die.” The slow mantra of people around me began to sink in, they were right; I couldn’t die. I couldn’t die because that was my worst fear.

No, I’m not afraid of death; death doesn’t scare me, but dying with unfinished business, dying without leaving my mark on this world, that’s scary. So I glanced around at all the faces and began to think back to the summer. I was asked, if I had five minutes to live, what would the last thing I did be? I thought about that question for two long weeks, two long weeks until June 24th, I remember because that’s my birthday, I came up with the answer on the day of my birthday; confess.

So this was it, I was standing at either the Pearly Gates, or a sign that told me to ‘Abandon Hope’ and I didn’t know what to do. I think it was more of a calling than a decision. I mean, what was the question trying to set me up for. I knew it with every bone in my body; I was about to die.

The pain had gone; either gone or I had ignored it to a point where it didn’t faze me. I was slowly becoming numb all over my entire body and I had yet to do anything.

“My computer, on my computer I have a folder, the one called ‘The New Writing Briefcase’. Inside of it I have all my stories, let them be read; post them and publish them, that’s all I ask.” I said. She moved over me so that every else’s faces disappeared from my view,

“No, stop that, you’re talking like you’re about to die, you can’t die, you’re not going to die.” She said with a shaky voice. She smiled a little more as I looked like I believed it, but in reality I was just smiling at her face.

“I always thought chicken smelled good.” I said simply. She looked at me,

“What are you talking about, are you delirious, it’s okay help is arriving, I can hear the sirens.”

“No, I’m not delirious, you know how I don’t eat chicken? I always thought chicken smelled so good, the taste was just unbearable, but only from drumsticks, I liked white meat.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Just listen.” I put my finger to her lips; I wanted to finish my confessions.

“I like the Powerpuff Girls, I think they’re cool, no matter how old I am, and I’m a hopeless romantic, though nobody really knows.” I heard the sirens now too; they were close. They got here quickly; they must’ve thought I was white.

“Okay, it’s okay, just hold on.” She put her hand on mine. I didn’t have the guts to tell her that even though it felt good that she was holding me, the fact that she was pushing into my bullet wound made the pain come back tenfold.

“Listen, there are two more things I have to say, the first one is that there’s something for you in the top drawer of my oak dresser in my bedroom. The last one” I was about to say something I had never said to anyone outside my family. I’d probably said it a million times, but I never meant it, and I certainly hadn’t planned on meaning it. If the last breathes of my life were going to send regrets into the rest of the life of the person in front of me how selfish was I?

Was she happy, why would I tell her something and then leave her. That can’t help her at all can it; what’s my problem? I can cause her so much hurt, or I can say something else. I felt the coldness flooding through my body.

“I love you, I always loved you; sorry.” I said it just as she was pulled away by a Medic; hehe, I said Medic. They circled around me as they talked in semi code,

“We’ve got an intense bleeder . . .” Clots of what they were saying escaped me as I felt my body shutting down, “10 CC’s stat. Right arm by . . . “

I felt it all go away.