Writing Pain On Paper Napkins

Sometimes it's easier to pretend
Pretend I'm not
Pretend she is
Pretend that he still loves me

How could I explain to everyone?
Why I'm never good enough for me
Writing words that people praise
Feeling things that are always wrong

I try to tell you that I'm gone
Have been for two years
But all you see are words

You call them beautiful
You say that I'm amazing
Laughing at the words I cried over
Last night, when no one was looking

You tell me I have talent
While I'm floating
Under asphalt
Trapped again in thoughts I can't control

Words escape and pour
Like my own blood
Pens and knives
Always equal release
But nobody notices that part

They don't see the pain
That crowns my poetry
Can't hear the anger
That stains every page in every notebook

They won't see me dying
Until the day when it's too late
And all my words fall away
Exposing what they never wanted to see
Me.