I Am Danielle

I am Danielle. Danielle the Bad Girl. Danielle the Party Animal. I'm the girl with no standards, the girl who drives my older sisters nuts as they try to raise me so I can be good girls like them, married to or dating some boring guy, with a daughter or with one on the way, juggling a career and a family like it's nothing.
My sisters and I all have roles. Francine is the motherly one. Papillon is the hopeless romantic. Emma is the sweet one. Gwen is the baby. I am the criminal. I am the one who is locked in my own room at times, who they like to pretend does not exist when they can. I am the one who they have to hide their boyfriends from. I am the one who will never settle down with a boy, who will forever be out at clubs drinking and sleeping with different boys. I am the one who brings shame to the family. I have not suffered any hardship and I have not accomplished much. This sets me apart from the rest of them.
They don't trust what I say. They can't tell if I really mean it. Sometimes I try to help them, but they won't listen. Sometimes this makes me so angry that I do something inexcusable.
But I won't give you any examples. If I do, you'll classify me as the bad girl. You'll tag me with one of those names that people give to girls who don't behave. I can guarantee you that I've been called each of those names many, many times. It wouldn't hurt me too badly if you said it. But it's not fair to judge me when you don't even know me.
The thing I hate the most about the tags that my sisters and I have is that it's assumed that you can only have one. Emma gets an exception, because she is a hopeless romantic just like her big sister, Papillon. And Papillon will have to be motherly soon when she has her baby. And Gwen will someday not be the baby anymore and will be sweet or a hopeless romantic or motherly. But I have the everlasting nametag. The name of Danielle will be permanently fixated to Bad Girl, or Party Girl, or Drunk, or Slut. And I will survive. I will fulfill everyone's wishes by staying out late at night with a guy and stumbling home at two in the morning, unable to walk in a straight line and looking suspiciously disheveled. I don't want to let my sisters down. They'd never let me down. Francine would never avoid an opportunity to scold me. Papillon would never fall in love without obsessing over the guy, and she would never avoid falling in love at all. Emma would never do anything naughty or bad and would never stop looking like the sugary sweet little angel she is. Gwen would never act more mature than a six-year-old should or forget to hug her butterfly doll that the sweet one gave to her.
Maybe there's more to them, but they don't care. There's nothing offensive about their roles. What could be more pure and honorable than a mother, a lover, a sweet young girl, or a child?
Not me. I'm just the bad girl.
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to fall in love. But I can't let myself. Commitment would violate my official role. No guy would believe that I truly loved him, anyway. Why should he? I have a reputation. The guys know that I'll leave them as soon as a better-looking guy comes around. It must be written across my face. "Bad Girl: Do Not Trust. Do Not Leave Your Boyfriend Around Her. Do Not Give Her Your Heart. All She Wants Is A Good Time." No one will ever respect me. I'm obviously not deserving of any form of respect.
So can you honestly expect me to be good? I would disappoint everyone so much if I behaved like a good girl. I would probably throw off the balance of the universe. I wouldn't want to do something like that. So, in the meantime, I'll have my fun. It's all I'm allowed to do, anyway.
I am Danielle. Danielle the Bad Girl. Danielle the Party Animal. I'm the girl with no standards, the girl who drives my older sisters nuts as they try to raise me so I can be good girls like them.
And this will always be me, since there's no one else I can be.
I am Danielle.