Written: November 20, 2003

Written By: Hurley Chic

*~*When Nothing Mattered*~*

When I was litte, nothing really mattered. Nothing of importance anyways. Only toys and those fantasies that we once dreamed up. We soon matured though. Some a little faster than others. We were grateful for the independce that we grew to have and being treated not as an adult, but then again not as a child anymore. Just in between. Just a little to soon did all of that disappear. I was just like a few other people, wishing and praying that I could go back to my childhood days. Back to where nothing mattered.

When I was litte, I knew nothing of the cruel outside world. I only new of the sweet little town I lived in. Every person was nice there. And that's what I expected as I got older. Soon enough, I found out that there was nothing sweet and nice about this world. That started my wishing for my childhood days back. I never got that wish. For you can see, just wishing for those days back, made me fall into a dark depression. One of which I could not control any longer. I felt myself dying. And I wanted more than anything to blame it on my childhood days, for not showing me what this world was really like. For not showing me that you had to be strong. I knew I could not though. I knew it was my fault.

I was only 16 years and I could see myself slowy failing, dying off. And that is nothing you want to see. My mother always taught me right from wrong, but never lectured me. We always could talk easily. We had this special bond. One that a lot of people envied. We had a relationship that was special. But it was taken away all too soon. I never thought I would live through it, but somehow I did. Oh, how I wish I just went right along with her. My life was never the same.

My mother was in a real bad car accident when I was only 14 years old. I actually don't know all the details to it, I never cared to hear it. I always blocked it out. I want to imagine that my mother died in no pain what so ever. That's where everything went downhill.

I got mixed into the wrong group. I thought everything would be ok. I started going out them on the weekends, started partying with them. Nothing big though. Just drinking a little. Soon though, that little turned into a lot. And it wasn't just drinking anymore, it was pot too. I loved the way everything made me feel. I forgot about all my problems. I forgot about the emptiness that I felt.

Days went on, and every day was spent getting drunk or high. I started doing it at school, but then when that wasn't enough, I went to skipping school. I wouldn't come home for days. I didn't care. Not about anything. And I hadn't even went in very deep yet.

I was at school one day and I couldn't get a buzz so this guy comes up to me and offers me a pill. Now I had never done a pill so I didn't know what to expect from it. Well I thought it was great. Burned a little but the feelings was great. It was like I wasn't even there. That started a little pill problem.

"Want to buy some?" Some guy asked me one day. He was talking about some kind of pills he had.

"I don't have any money, or I would." I said with a disappointed sigh. All of a sudden he had this sly grin.

He informed me of a way to get some money. By selling my body on street corners. It finally had gotten that bad. I didn't know it though. I thought I was in heaven. I got drugs all the time! Pills, crack, coke. Everything. But really, I was just planting myself deeper into hell.

I woke up one day and realized that I was no good. That I had turned into a person that I never wanted to be. The kind of person my mother always wanted me to stay away from. I knew my mother would be disappointed. It took everything in me from keeping from doin a pill before I went to talk to this guy I knew.

This guy wanted to help me a while back. He was in my gym class and saw how bad off I was. I ignored him because I really thought I didn't have a problem. I walked to his house and knocked on the door. I looked at my watch and saw it was 6:36 in the morning. I was about to turn and leave when I saw the door come open.

There stood this guy that was so willing to help me in his plaid boxers and socks with a sleepy expression, smiling at me.

I sometimes wish I could venture back to my childhood days. Back to where nothing mattered. Back to where we really didn't know how the outside world worked, back to where we still had dependence.

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Hey! It's short. But then it is a short story. I don't know where this came from! I just started writing! Hope ya all like it. I don't know it it is any good! Hopefully it is. I know that I missed A LOT of detail on what it is really like to have these kinds of problems. SO please, when you read this, remember that really don't know a lot about these problems. But please! Tell me what you think! THANKS!! Love ya all lots!

*~*HurleyChic*~*