Shards of Glass

What am I looking at
as I stare into the glass
reflecting pale shards of a self
I once was

it's definitely not human
it's a ghost of itself
a pallid being, blown by,
drifting...
with the touch of a cloud

gaze shifting to hands
calloused delicately
almost,
lovingly scarred at the wrists
from too many shots
the discovery of knives
and rainy days

...and I know I can't fool me
it's the last thing I'd try to do
because I already did
and I only hate myself more
as I curl my fingers into a fist
as I shatter the glass
the glass...
my glass...
so delicate, so tender
my grinning delicacy

I close my eyes
crimson staining my vision
blocking out shards of
my own self loathing
as it slowly shimmers
disappearing
into
subconscious mirrors...

I drift away.

11-20-03