Sad

I want words to describe how I feel

But there’s nothing good enough to say

If there was a point to any of this

I let it go,

Or maybe it fell away and left me behind

Because that is really how I feel

Like something has left me

Not even so long ago,

But when have I ever felt alive?

Like I could do whatever I wanted,

And have a purpose?

Those fleeting moments of smiles

Chemicals released in the brain,

Chemistry that tells me I’m happy for a few minutes

Before it comes over again,

Indifference, disconnection, depression

How pitiful is that?

And sometimes music lifts my spirits,

Like a friend that will speak for me

Or tells me I’m overacting, things aren’t bad,

I should pick myself up and continue

To what?

To a house and a car and some future I think is boring but gets me paid?

To having little kids and a wife that’ll have a double-chin someday?

To finding fulfillment in old music I liked and surfing the net all day at work?

To cutting my mental limbs off in order to stand it from day to day?

To retarding myself so I don’t try to look back and consider killing myself?

I have to find outrage in something

I need friends that think the way I do

I have to tell a story

I need to do something that’s worth remembering