Wheel of Destiny!!!!

By: Irish Guy

“Welcome contestants to the ‘WHEEL OF DESTINY!’” as soon as the announcer said that, a sign flickered on saying ‘applause.’ The room was silent, save for a man coughing.

“Tonight,” started the announcer again, “we have two new slots on the wheel. They are… ‘Get pushed into a pool filled with locusts’ and ‘Box with George Foreman.’” The applause sign turned on again after he mentioned the slots, this time a man started clapping and laughing goofily.

“Our first contestant is a mister Jerry Swashbucher.” The announcer made a jester to a man who had a black eye, a fat lip, chained to a metal post, and surrounded by men with sticks that have a metal end that produces high voltage electricity.

“Now remember folks, he’s our reining champion so he’s heavily drugged.”

“What’s going on?” asked Jerry in a much distorted voice.

“You’re going to spin…’The Wheel of Destiny!’”

“No…no more wheels…wheel….e-e-evil…” at this, the men started to shock Jerry until he fell and started to foam at the mouth. One of the guards took Jerry’s hand and spun the wheel with it so everything would be nice and legal. When the wheel stopped, the announcer’s eyes lit up.

“Oh my!” yelled the announcer so loud it startled Jerry back into consciousness. “You landed on ‘Spin two more times, and win both prizes!’”

“Mnglbla…wha?” questioned Jerry in a slurred voice as he fell into and out of consciousness.

“You get to spin…twice!”

“Oh…ok. I like things that go round and round…only if it has pretty colours though.” Jerry spun the wheel and it landed on ‘Guy named Guido beats you with aluminum bat.’

“Spin again Mr. Swashbucher.”

“Yaaaaaah…” celebrated Jerry while his jaw was slacking and drool came out the side of his mouth. He then spun the wheel.

“Oh wow!” said the announcer again. “Those two o perfect with each other, the one you landed on is ‘Get a life time supply of morphine injected into you at once.’”

“Naaaaaaaaaaaaaa…” stated Jerry with no vagueness whatsoever.

“Nurse, give him the injection.” A woman came out with a five gallon bottle of ‘Sparklets’ filled with morphing, tapped with a needle. She jammed the needle into Jerry’s arm and started to pump the morphing in.

“Guido, start your bashing!” A man then came out with a bat and started to beat Jerry who was at that time in a painful bliss.

The End…