Standing Up for Nothing

The tears that trickled down her face seemed warm at first, but turned cold as they fell into her hands. She had never felt such sorrow... the loneliness was unbearable. She needed someone, anyone who would listen to her and understand what she felt...

'Stop being so stupid.'

She jumped and stared into a mirror across the room, expecting to see the origin of the voice, but only saw her reflection. No one else was present in her room, nor had been for the past two hours. It was a moment before she realized that the voice had come from inside her head.

"I'm not being stupid," she murmured, biting her lower lip in shame. "I'm just--"

'Scared, I know. But you'll get used to it after a while -- you always got used to it before.'

"Shut up, I'm not scared of being alone."

'Don't lie to me, I know you better than you know yourself. Now, just go to bed and try to forget about it. A good night's sleep and you'll be right again.'

"No, I can't sleep through it anymore," she sobbed. "It's too much for me now."

*I can't stop staring at myself
My face reflected in this empty plate
I can't decide if it's the devil
Or if it's just something I ate

'Cause he's been down there all morning
He's patiently waiting at my gate
He's throwing rocks at my window
'Hey won't you come on out and play with me'*

'So what? You don't need anyone else, do you? It's not like they ever needed YOU, anyway.'

"That's not true," she whimpered.

'Ah, denial. It's so sad, really... you can't admit that you're worthless.'

"I'm not worthless..."

*And every day when I get up
I see folks trading in their crowns
For all these paper or plastic lives
An opiate for the masses' hounds

And pride like a vestige of lives lost
The stench of the old folks coming around
Now with the news I heard today
I can't tell if this world is lost or found

You go, I'll be waiting here
And I'm awake, no I cannot sleep
So I'll sit upon this rock is you
I ain't standing up for nothing*

Her sobs came in coughs now as she battled the voice. She knew it wasn't right to be so lonely... and she knew she wasn't alone. But was God really there? It seemed like so long since she'd been close to Him; was He still there for her?

'You're alone in this life now. No one can help you.'

"Go 'way," she growled, wiping her tears.

*I've never seen my congressman
But I can't deny that he exists
'Cause I've seen his legislation pass
I've seen his name on the ballot list

The same I can't deny this fallen world
Though not my home it's where I live
How can I preserve and light the way
For a world that I can't admit I'm in*

'Go away? Well, it's good to see that you've maintained a sense of humor!'

"Get out," she said, more forcefully. "I know what I'm doing. I'm not alone anymore!"

'You think to highly,' the voice sneered. 'No one cares anymore!"

"You're wrong!"

*'Cause I know who I say you are
But these crows can't be made to stop
So I'll sit denying by this fire
I ain't standing up for nothing

Lack of interest leads to
Lack of knowledge leads to
Lack of perspective leads to
Lack of communication leads to
Lack of understanding leads to
Lack of concern leads to
This complacency denotes
This approval denies the truth...*

She sighed again and glanced towards the mirror. The tracks of her tears were evident, but she felt a sudden peace inside of her. The voice had fled, and she was left in the quiet of her room.

But she wasn't alone.

*But I can't stop staring at myself
It's my face reflected in this empty plate
And I know that it's the devil

So you lead, I'll be close behind
So you speak, I'll hang on your words
You've got to lift me from this hardened tree
'Cause I ain't standing up for nothing*

She knew that He was with her.