For Life or Death

By: Skylar Tomokane

Author’s notes:  Ok plps…I own everything here!!!...Characters, settings, songs, etc. …If you want to use any of them, please ask me  first…I really don’t have problem with it, it’s just that I want to know and get credit for them…Some of the songs will probably not be mine, but don’t worry, I’m going to give credit to the people that did them…Also,  please send me some poems that I could put in the fic…don’t worry, you’re getting the credit for  them…;)

Disclaimer:

Skylar: Ok, plp......WARNING THIS IS A YAOI aka MALE/MALE COUPLING!!!...If you have something against it, then don’t read…*Starts jumping up and down...*YAY....I finally got more reviews...*Looks over at her friends...*About time you review!!!...Let see...

chika, thank you for reviewing, and yes, I know...it’s just sad how much in love Kauri is, but he is just like that...besides, I think you’re going to love part of the ending...^.^...

Miko, yeah I know!!!...Kauri makes me mad sometimes...he is weird!!!!...And yes, Touya is yours...About Sayo, you’re right!!!...he is all that, and much more...by the way, I checked in the Japanese names few days ago and it turned out that the name Sayo is a girl’s name and it means born in night...you know, You’re right about the Therapy thing...I really do need it, and yes, I DO have more problems than you...And yes, I did came up with the songs my self...I’m glad you like them...I’m glad you think Touya is mean...he is supposed to be...he is supposed to be the hot heartless asshole, remember?...and yes, I AM happy now!!!...And I will continue trying to kill you if you don’t review this chapter, because after few chapters you come in...^.^;...which reminds me....REVIEW NEVER AGAIN NOW!!!!!...by the way, I’m already missing you....WAAAAAAAAAAA...it’s not fair!!!!...And why haven’t you written me yet????....hm????...you bad baad girl!!!

Dee,  I GET IT!!!!YOU DON’T HAVE TO BEAT ME UP!!!...you know I only meant that you really like Dimitree I mean I DID make him up for you ya know!!!!....Just relax....and about the cookie thing, well, you know that I wanted reviews, and you didn’t give me any until know, so you’ll have to live!!!!...by the way, you know very well that when I wrote the lemon, I had the bad feeling that you guys will be reading it, so I tried to make it more survivable...ya know...RAGE*starts jumping up and down*Asshole, Asshole, Asshole…

Blaine, I CAN NOT BELIEVE YOU READ IT!!!!....You know very well that it was not something you should have read, and why did you not listen to me????!!!!...You know that mental image that was left with you?...well, you deserved it!!!!!...you shouldn’t have read it when I told you that you wouldn’t be able to swallow it!!!!!....*snicker, snicker....*sorry....just had to say that....*blushing furiously*....I’m getting a mental image too you know....BWAHAHHAHHAHAHHA…thing is, I lost your reviews, so I couldn’t put them up for you, but I will try to find them....I wonder....why am I answering your review, when you wouldn’t dare come anywhere near my story any more....oh I know...because Miko and Dee will want to see what I have to say....BWAHAHAHHHHA...By the way, Blaine, DON’T YOU DARE TELL ANYBODY ABOUT THE STORY....I know I told you what is going to happen, and technically I told you the whole story, but DO NOT tell any one!!!! I do not care how much they torture you but if you dare tell them, I promise, I will make you wish they were still torturing you!!!...Just so you know...

Well plp, here were the answers to the reviews...now with my other business...I died my hair red, so now it is red like Touya’s...only mine is short...^.^...By the way, has any of you nodes that on is not allowed to put up fics from Laurel K. Hamilton’s books....that SUCKS!!!!!...She is my fave. Author, and I can’t read any fics on her books...I have some idea what is going to happen in this story but I am not sure that the story will stay that way...what I mean is, probably the story has its own plans...I can NOT believe that Shwartz Stein are broke up....NOOOOOOO....I LOVE their music...I mean I know that Hora-kun and Kaya-kun will still stay in the business, but it still isn’t going to be Shwartz Stein, ya know.....WHAAAAAAAA....NOOOO FFFAAAIIIIRRRR!!!!!!....Which reminds me....Squee Bunny, thanks for showing that pic of MANA dressed as a guy...soooo hoooot...^.^...Oh, and thanks for introducing me to James…he is soooo damn HOT!!!!...for those of you who don’t know, James looks exactly like Gackt-kun and is a really nice and funny person….did I mention that he is HOT????.. And for those of you that didn’t know, (thanks to Squee Bunny) I learned how old Gackt-kun really is...he is 28!!!!!...I can not believe that he is younger than Hyde!!!!!...Hyde-kun looks much younger than him and he is 31….what’s up with that…I finally watched MOON CHILD!!! I LOVE IT!!!! Not only because Gackt-kun, Hyde-kun and You-kun were there but because the movie of itself is a great movie…...oh, and for those of you that are interested, HeatGuy J is coming on MTV2...Every Sunday at 5:30 pm...just so you know...And Clair, is Squee Bunny’s....even thought I’d LOVE to keep him for my self...^.^...oh, and if you want to play a game with hot guys (Goth Seifer look alike, Squall-Laguna look alike, and a Sora (older version) look alike) play The Bouncer....Oh, and sorry for jumping from a thought to thought...I’m just that way...^.^...which reminds me...I will be kind of late on all of the updating because I have a full time job now, but I will try my best….... By the way, finally, you guys are going to see more Ryo in this chapter, BUT, you may not like the way Kauri starts acting...

Kauri:*reading the new Gravitation manga with a really cold voice* Why the hell would they care what I do???

Skylar: Because you are supposed to be the funny, clumsy guy!!!!

Kauri: I thought I had to be a really cold guy???

Skylar: Well, yeah, but I thought you changed your mind...

Kauri: Well, I’m changing it again!!!

Skylar:  I DO NOT know what to do with you guys any more...I’m giving up...On with the story:

*******************************

“I knew it was a mistake.”  I thought, but too late realized that I had said it aloud.

“NO!”  Kauri yelled and I felt his arms around me get tighter.  “IT WASN’T A MISTAKE!”  He yelled and I felt him shaking from the crying.  “It wasn’t a mistake...,” he repeated whispering.  Without answering, I shook him off and headed for my room.  At the door, I heard Kauri running my way.

            “Touya! Touya wait!”  I opened my door and went in; I was just closing it, when Kauri’s hand stopped it.

            “Touya please...I need you” For the fist time, I saw determination in Kauri’s eyes.  He really thought that by talking he can change my mind, but I knew he was wrong.  I was too scared, and nothing now could change my mind.

            “There is nothing to say...last night was a mistake and we both know it...so please leave me alone...It never was and it never will be...”  I saw his hand move, and I used the moment to slam the door in his face. 

            Slowly I made my way to the bed.  By then, my whole body was trembling.  It was not of anger, but of fear.  I was afraid that I will be alone, like last time, or that I will fall apart in front of him.  I had feelings for Kauri, there was no denying that, but I tried to any way.  It felt so good to be around him, that that feeling scared me.  I didn’t want to end up cursed like last time.  I didn’t want to end up betrayed, like last time.

            When I reached the bed, I lost all control of my body.  I felt myself falling on the satin sheets.  I moved my eyes upward and looked at the watch beside my bed.  It said 1:37 but few seconds later, the red numbers disappeared and I found myself back in my old home. 

            All of the flowers around me were swaying with the silent music of the wind.  There were so many colors that my eyes started hurting from the intensity of it all. I felt my hole body relaxing.  It was so peaceful.  I looked to my left, and there sleeping in the roses was our king’s castle.  It looked made of flowers, more beautiful than anything on earth did, but I knew better.  The castle was made of diamonds, made so carefully and with such precision, that every flower looked back at itself from the walls, making the castle look like a living thing, because the flowers never died.  They always stayed alive, protected by the magic of the Fey.  The flower castle it was called.  The king had said once that no matter how far I am from home, I would always find my way back to it. 

            I made a step, towards the flower castle’s hill, and nothing out of the ordinary happened.  I made another, and everything stood the same.  Sure that nothing else can happen, I started running towards it, towards that beautiful dream that I wanted to be in so bad, that I wanted to feel safe in.  I ran and ran as if something bad was chasing me.  I could feel cold wind blowing at my back, cutting through my clothes, but I was afraid to stop and look back, I just wanted to reach the safety of my home.  I wanted to run into my mother’s arms once again and feel her safe embrace around me.

            I felt my muscles giving out and I knew that I will not be able to run for very long. After what seamed like hours, I finally reached the castle doors.  Breathing hard I fell on my knees and looked up.  I could feel my eyes getting wider and I could feel the fear creeping in on my body.  All of the flowers on the walls were dead.  They looked as if all of the magic that was giving them life had drained away.  I reached and touched the doors.  The moment my skin made contact with the doors, the castle burst in flames.  It was burning in front of my eyes.  My beautiful home was dieing in front of me and there was nothing I could do.  Again, I felt the cold wind cutting through my back.  I turned around and saw myself. 

            I was standing in the flames burning the flowers.  My eyes were not the green yellow that was normal for me, but a blood red like my hair.  The flames looked as if they were feeding on my body.  And I just stood there smiling.  I felt my body shaking with horror.  I was killing my home and my race.   A moment later, all of my memories flooded back, and I remembered how I had killed everyone around me.  How I had cursed every Fey to death.  How I was the one that had destroyed everything beautiful on the dammed earth.

            Slowly everything disappeared, and I found my self in another place and another time.  I was standing on a green hill looking down.  I blinked and I found my self in the bottom of the hill.  There I could see myself looking at another fey.  He looked pretty old and was dressed in pretty aged clothes.  His wings were out of his body, which meant that he was putting a spell on me.  Slowly, I made my way to the fey and my other me and found myself being in a trance.  I heard part of what the old man was saying but it sounded as if I was hearing it from the other side of a tunnel.

Keep your wings and magic

Oh, chosen one

Until you learn the truth in love

Until you believe in what is real

When the time comes,

Fight for it

Fight for the lives of all fey

Because you are their only hope

And their only death

You will have to choose the path to take

            The scenery vanished again and I found my self standing in a cave.  In front of me was another fey.  His back was to me, but I could see his wings and his long green hair.  The hair was spilling down to his ankles like the softest silk.  It was so dark green that it almost looked black.  He wasn’t wearing anything, but he seemed a true Fey. I could feel his magic swelling in the cave.  It was so much of it that I felt like I was going to choke.  The pressure was squishing my lungs as if trying to make me stop breathing right there and then.  It was a really powerful spell and I wondered what it could be for.  I made a step forward and saw the fey turning.  When his face was to me, I gasped and stepped back.  The face was of the fey prince, Dimitree.  His cat like eyes looked right through me, as if he didn’t see me.  He narrowed his eyes and hissed like a snake.

            “I promise you Yuki of the Blue Tips, the day will come when you will be weak again, and then, I will finish my revenge.  You may have killed Youji, but I will bring him back to life with your death.”  He stepped back and his foot touched the magic circle behind him.  A crystal moved up his legs and continued up his body as if swallowing him.  Soon after, his whole body was part of the clear rock, but his eyes were still holding living fire.  I moved forward and stretching my arm, I touched the crystal.  At first the stone felt cold, but with my touch, it shattered in million peaces.

            Gasping for air, I opened my eyes finding myself back in my room in Tokyo.  I had fallen asleep when I fell on the bed.  I felt the cold pricking at my skin.  Slowly I sat up, and felt my body crying out from its stiffness.   I remembered that I had dreamed of something, but I didn’t remember of what.  I just knew, that there were other fey there, and something made me believe that there are other fey alive.  I knew that was impossible since I killed all of them all ready, but that feeling didn’t go away.

            Slowly, I made my way to the shower, and that feeling still lingered in me, like a caged bird.  I felt like running outside to find the other fey, but I knew better.  There were no other fey.  They were all dead.  ‘You didn’t kill the prince.’ Came to my mind, but I pushed it away.

“He was already dead!” I yelled at the voice in my mind.  I took off my clothes and slowly I stepped under the shower turning on the hot water.  I hated cold showers.  They made me nauseous.  They made my body hurt all over and after that, I would be cold yet again.  The hot water was beating at my back with all of the power it could get.  I felt better just sitting under the spraying water, my muscles relaxing.  When I had finally relaxed enough, I grabbed the shampoo and squirted a part of it on my palm.  The scent of flowers swirled around me, and I felt my vision cloud up.  The image of flowers came to my mind.  So many flowers and they all smelled so good.  I felt my knees give under me and putting my hand to the wall, I slowly slipped to the floor.  The water was still beating on my body, but I couldn’t see it, nor feel it.  All I could see were the beautiful flowers.  All I could feel were the flower petals brushing on my naked body.  Everything else seemed unreal.  I was intoxicated by the smell and colors.  Slowly the flowers disappeared and I found myself sitting on the floor confused.

            I didn’t know what could have caused me to see all those flowers.  I picked my hand with the shampoo in it to place it on my hair, but the scent hit me again.  The image of the flowers returned, only this time it didn’t stay long. After a few seconds, I was back on my feet and washing my hair.  Ten minutes later, I was done and reluctantly I left the warmth of the water behind, to replace it will the coldness of my own room. 

            I looked at my watch by the bed and gasped in surprise.  It was 8:15 in the evening, and there was no food out and ready for my diner with Ryo.  Hurriedly I ran to my closed and took out the first clothes that caught my eye.  I dressed as fast as I could and ran out of my door.  The moment I went out, I saw Kauri coming in from the front door.  He was caring a big box and a few bags with him.  The moment the door behind him closed, the smell of warm food hit me like a hammer.  I hadn’t eaten all day and just the smell of food made me sway.

            Kauri moved towards the kitchen, his face covered from the bags.  I ran after him and found him with his back to me.  From my place by the door, I gasped.  The beautiful satin black hair that he had was gone.  He had cut it short.  The hair that I loved touching and playing with has disappeared.  I felt anger storming inside me, like lightings just waiting for a metal object to be nearby.  I felt like jumping at him, shaking him rudely and yelling at him,

            “Why the HELL did you cut your hair?”  I didn’t notice until I was finished that the last sentence was said out loud.  Just as well, I was going to say something in these lines anyway.  I saw him turning and at first, I saw pain in his eyes, but then I saw anger.

            “Why the HELL do you care?”  He said and crossed his arms in front of his chest.  I gaped at him and did not know what to say.  The hair was nicely framing his face, still keeping a little of the girly side, but now also showing off some of his masculine beauty too.  His hair was still black, but from both sides of his head, there were bangs coming parallel to each other right behind his ears.  The bangs were reaching his chest, and they were blood red, like my hair.  Actually, they were the exact color my hair was.  I was so startled, that for a long time I did not say anything but just stared. 

            “Take a picture, it will last longer!”  He said and turned around again, giving his full attention to the bags.  He started taking out food, and I was being dragged back to reality.  Kauri cut his hair, and was acting like a total asshole.  These were new turns of events that I did not expect, and only the thought of them, made my knees weak.   I made my way to the closest chair and for the second time today, I wondered what in HELL was going on with me.  Weaknesses and I did not get along, and it was world knowledge, or at least it should have been.  I dropped heavily in the chair and watched Kauri take out boxes from the bags open them and then close them again.

             I heard a sound coming from the other side of the house, but I couldn’t really recognize it.  I was too out of it to think for my self.  Kauri turned around and said something, but at first, I couldn’t hear him.  He frowned and said it again, but I still couldn’t understand him.  Finally, after a few tries, my mind started working again.  Kauri was kneeling in front of me and his frown was obviously more of worry that anger.

            “You ok, Touya?”  I shook my head and gave him a blank look.  I didn’t want him to know how freaked out I was at that moment.  This had not happened to me since the curse, and right at that moment, I was scared shitless.

            “Yeah.”  I answered and made my way as if to get up, but half the way up, my head swayed and I crashed back down on the chair.  I heard the bell on the door go again and I frowned.  I was starting to get a headache, and I did not get headaches. 

            “Answer the damn door already.”  I hissed and Kauri hurriedly made his way out of the kitchen.

             I was still out of it when I heard voices behind me.  With all of the strength that I could summon, I turned my head around.  At first, I could hear only the voices coming closer, and then I saw Kauri going through the door.  Right behind him, I saw somebody with silver hair stepping through.  The moment I saw Ryo’s face, the scent of flowers hit me so strong that I swayed and felt myself falling off of my chair.  I saw the floor coming closer, but before I could feel the cold hit of it, I was back in the garden of flowers. 

            There were so many of them and they all smelled so beautifully.  I stretched my hand and touched the petals in front of me.  They were warm but not from the heat of the sun.  It felt like they were burning with their own life.  I felt a warm wind blowing at my face and looked up.  My eyes met the blood red eyes of a demon- the demon that I was thousands of years ago.  The other me smiled and stretched out his hand as if to help me get up.  I moved back because I didn’t want to touch him, but the moment my hands touched the flowers behind me, I felt how they exploded in flames too. 

            Hurriedly I staggered forward into the demon’s hands.  He picked me up in his arms and started carrying me away from the burning flowers.   I tried to push him away, to make him put me down, but his grip was strong and he did not let go.  I looked into his face and found him looking at me with worry.

            “You have to accept it, you know, that is who you are.  I am just a part of you.”  His blood red eyes slowly turned green.  He continued carrying me through the garden of flowers, and I didn’t care any more.  He was right; this was all a part of me.  He was a part of me, and I realized that I just had to accept it and move on with my life.  I had killed all of the Fey and that was all there was to it.         As if reading my mind, the other me snickered.

            “They aren’t all dead you know.”  He sounded amused.

            “What do you mean?” I asked surprised.  His smile grew bigger and he laughed out loud.

            “You’ll see.” When he said that, he slowly placed me on the ground.  I stared at him and saw him starting to disappear.  I made a step toward him, but he fully disappeared before I was able to even touch him with my hand.

            “Wait!”  I yelled, but I didn’t get an answer.  I looked around me and found my self at a beach.  The water was still and there was no wind.  The sky was gray, but there was no movement there either.  I felt the sand under my feet, it didn’t move either, it was as if it wasn’t real.  I felt like there was no life around me at all. 

“Remember this place.”  I heard a whisper and then everything around me started to disappear.  Everything was slowly dissolving into darkness.  Soon, I was in place where no light could be seen.  I couldn’t see anything, but I heard voices coming closer.  Slowly I realized that I didn’t see anything because my eyes were closed.  I could feel my senses coming back slowly to me.  It felt as if I was waking up from a deep dream.

*********************

*************

Well, I know this is stupid ending, but this is all I could come up with for now…hope you like itand remember…I WANT REVIEWS!!!!