Richard was an average man living an average life in an average house, so naturally, he was thrilled to find that he had won a cruise to France. He had entered the contest, not expecting to win, so he was shocked when he found the letter in his mail saying he had. Quickly, he packed his bags until they looked like they would burst and waited for the day to come.

The day of the cruise was a sunny one. Blinding rays of light peered through Richard’s blinds, waking him. Grabbing his luggage almost instantly after waking, he made sure that he was the first to get to the port. In fact, it wasn’t until two hours later that someone else actually showed up. It was apparently a married couple. The husband was dressed in a Hawaiian shirt and white shorts, and his wife was wearing a flowing pink dress. Richard was a little curious if they realized this cruise was going to France and not Hawaii.

Another hour passed and no one else showed up. The only three people silently sat on two white benches as the massive ship glided into the harbor. It docked, and a Frenchman walked out to greet them.

Frenchman: Hello! Are you the only ones?

Richard: I guess so.

Frenchman: Then come on in.

The Frenchman led the three to the wooden deck of the ship. It was a nice-looking ship with gilded statues lining the corridors and elegant designs marking the walls. As they admired the sights, the three were led to their rooms. Richard’s eyes widened when he saw his. It was filled with soft red furniture and numerous luxuries. The slate-tiled bathroom had those things that you usually expect to find in a hotel: shower caps, soaps, and lotions. Making sure no one was looking, Richard stuffed some into his shirt and pockets. Then, even though the sun was still in its afternoon glory, he plopped down into his soft red bed and went to sleep.

Richard was later awoken by a loud knock at his door. Reluctantly, he exited the shelter of his covers and answered the door. Another Frenchman was standing outside.

Richard: Yes?

Frenchman: Greetings, mon ami. I have come to tell you that dinner is being served.

Richard: Dinner?!

Frenchman: Dinner.

Richard: What kind of dinner?

Frenchman: It’s a seeecret!

Richard: Ah. Very unsuspicious.

Richard was then led through the labyrinth of corridors to a giant dining hall. Long, furnished tables were holding many silver platters, glittering by the light of chandeliers. Resting on the platters was a myriad of foods and deserts. French cooks clad in white clothes rushed back and forth from the kitchen to deliver even more food. One of the cooks stopped his busy course to greet Richard, however.

Cook: Why hello!

Richard: Hi. What’s being served for dinner?

Cook: Well I’d tell you. But it’s a seeecret!

Richard: Okay...

He then took a seat across from the couple he had seen at the dock. They exchanged smiles, and then proceeded to dish food onto their plates. By this time, Richard was starving. He continued to eat the mystery food until he was too full to eat another bite. As a cook came to collect his plate, he asked once again:

Richard: That sure was good. What was it though?

Cook: Well you see... it’s a seeecret!

Richard: Would people stop saying that?!

The cook simply shrugged and walked back to the kitchen. Richard got up and observed his surroundings once more. The room was now fairly crowded. People who looked to be French filled up all the seats, building towers of dishes for the cooks to collect. Surprisingly, they didn’t make alot of noise. Only clatters of silverware and soft voices could be heard. Then, however, the dining room door swung open with a loud bang. A bulky man with a bristly black beard and thick eyebrows barged in. He wore the uniform that signified a captain. Walking into the kitchen, he spoke to the cooks in a booming voice.

Captain: I’m hungry. Serve me some of that nice meal that you cook.

Cook: Er, I would, cap’n, but...

Captain: But what?

Cook: The... special ingredient... is depleted.

The large man turned around to the long tables, inspecting each one carefully until he laid eyes on Richard’s table. A smile grew upon his face.

Captain: That’s why you keep a back up supply, right?

Cook: Indeed. Would you like to do the honors?

Captain: Don’t mind if I do.

The captain was approaching Richard with slow paces and a threatening fist readied for a pummel. Puzzling over the situation, it took Richard a hefty amount of time to decipher what was happening. His eyes grew in shock.

Richard: Waaait a second. You let me eat humans?! Ewww...

Captain: It’s all the rage in France!

Quickly, Richard ran to the other side of the table where the married couple sat. He hoped to use the table as a shield from the hostile man, but the plan was complicated when the man simply jumped onto the table. In fear, Richard took several strides backwards, hoping to find a door. There was no door though. All he found was a solid wall. And of course, it wasn’t just a wall. It was a corner. Richard had been cornered.

Richard: Crap.

Captain: Nowhere to run now!

Richard: Hm. Or is there?

Quickly, Richard shoved a hand into his pocket to retrieve one of the small bottles of lotion that he had acquired from the bathroom. Squeezing it with all his might, the substance squirted directly into the man’s eyes. Dropping the bottle and running out the swinging doors of the dining hall, Richard left the man blindly flailing and screaming.

To make a long story short, Richard jumped overboard and swam ashore, making his childhood swimming lessons all worthwhile. By doing so, he avoided being eaten by those strange Frenchmen. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for that poor married couple. But what are you going to do? You can’t have a society without those people who want to go along and eat other people of the same species. Oh well.