A message from your friendly (most of the time) author- yes I know, I've got a million other stories to write, why am I working on yet another one. Err I have no excuse, except to say that winter break is coming up soon and I will hopefully be able to update both, 'A Kiss that Plainly Said,' and 'Live is the Same As Love Except the O Is An I.'

I was just inspired the other day as I was walking over an overpass, a lot of this is based off of reality. Although not everything. But the story was definitely inspired by the last year or so of my life. So enjoy. And review, because then I'll love you forever and ever, and while that may not be a good thing... It's something.

Thick droplets explode along my shoulders, hitting me with relentless precision. Trying to destroy me, maybe one day they'll succeed. Or they can try at least, broken in hiking boots smack the concrete, perhaps I'm the one trying to take it apart. Perhaps I am the destroyer not the rain. Cars rush east and west below my feet, underneath the overpass, but I'm safe here. The solid bridge shakes slightly with the vibrations of the street, but never enough to make it fall apart, perhaps it is the only permanent thing we have anymore. I tilt my head up, opening up my mouth to catch a raindrop, wincing at the slightly acidic, polluted taste that has turned the purity of water into simply another bi-product of production.

The cars below simply breathing more exhaust, more artificial substances into the air. What have we done? What happened to our world. Did it disappear under the inventions of humanity. Callused fingers rub the straps of my backpack. My fingers cold and red from the cold, damp from the incessant rain. Where am I going, which way do I turn at the end of the overpass, I don't know. I just know I'm going left or right, I can't go straight anymore, straight is too normal. I've been going down the same path my entire life. Now is time for a change.

Every relationship I ever put faith in has failed me. Every person who promised they would never leave was pushed away until they did. I'm done with that. It's over. I glance at the notebook in my hands. A document of the past year and a half. I flip open to the first page, rain falls on it, smearing the woods.

February 22nd 2003

I didn't know it was possible to feel this way for someone. I didn't think that love this early was possible. Is it love? What else could it be?

My hands tremble slightly as I remember, I was wearing a pair of black jeans that day, with a green long sleeved shirt, my hair was in a tight bun, I was eating baby carrots with an absent minded glazed over look on my face, pen propped in my left hand, pen etching permanent markings into the paper. I can still remember the way the pen sounded as I wrote those words. I was so stupid then. Caught up in this silly dream of a perfect love that didn't exist. Or maybe it did exist, just not in the way I wanted it to. I wanted a fairytale. Prince Charming in his shining armor, sweeping me off my feet. He wanted mental support, he wanted help through his final year of high school. Somewhere between desperate attempts at giving the other what they wanted we realized all our shortcomings, and I broke it off.

Yes me, the same hand that penned those sickeningly cheesy words.

I stand at the end of the block, the overpass behind me, three directions. Straight, left, right. But I already know I'm not going straight. I glance to my left, a warm bookstore stands alone, neon-lights advertising a holiday sale. I open the weathered back cover of the simple black cloth covered notebook.

December 4th 2003

I suppose the end of this journal means I have to move on? Does it, or am I just saying that because I feel the need? Do I even know anymore? I've changed so much this last year, but the thing I miss the most is that invaluable knowledge of who I am. I don't think I know anymore. I've been sent on to many twists. I've had the world thrown at me, and I couldn't help but be swept up. And when it spit me back out at the end, I looked around, more confused than ever before. Where do we go from here? I do not know. But it's time to put him, and I know who I'm talking about, behind me. Moving on is the first priority.

That was written two days ago. Two days, and I haven't had the courage to do what I promised myself I'd do. But now here I am. I glance at the ugly brown colored trash can, and down at the notebook. Without realizing it, I lift up the documentation of a year in my life to my lips, pressing the rough fabric against my mouth, breathing in the sent of pen, binding glue and paper. And then I toss it into the garbage watching as it falls to the bottom. I turn left, and step into the bookstore, listening to the door ring as I step over the threshold. I walk towards the back and pick up a thick hardbound forest green notebook. It would do. I walk up to the counter and drop it with a thud.

The man turns around, "That all for you?" he asks, his blue eyes giving off an air of lazy happiness.

"Yup," I dig into my back pocket, pulling out the black corduroy wallet that's been with me since freshman year.

He rings me up, the cash register beeping and clicking, before letting out a loud trill and opening up the cash drawer. "6.50," he says drumming his fingers against the counter with an irritating rhythm. I pull out a twenty and press it into his palm, jumping slightly at the smooth contours of his skin.

"Kieran Jones," He spoke, his hand closing around the bill and shaking mine at the same time.

"Ariel," I answered, shaking his hand once, "Ariel Williams."

"Like from the little mermaid," Kieran smiled, as he dropped my twenty into the cash register, and handing me my change.

"Yeah I've even got the hair to match," I shrugged, pulling on the vibrant red pigtail that peeked out from underneath by black beanie. He handed me my receipt and new journal. I dropped my backpack off my shoulder kneeling on the floor and dropping them inside, the zippers jingling happily as I zipped them back up and hoisted the back onto my weight-tortured back.

"Have a good day," He smiles at me.

"You too," I answer, with a wave of my hand before leaving the store. I briskly walk back across the overpass, the rain barely touching me, my footsteps light. My car beeps as it unlocks and I slide in, dropping my backpack on the passenger seat. At an almost frantic rate I pull out the notebook and a pen. I smooth open the first page, the paper smoothing out underneath my hand with a clean crip sound. My nostrils fill with the smell of new paper, and I inhale deeply.

The tip of my pen touches the paper.

December 6th 2003.

The start of everything new. From here I have no answers, from here I know nothing. I am simply throwing caution to the wind, holding my head high and walking forwards.

The book is slammed shut, by my palms, I turn the key in the ignition, and so begins reality.

"Ari!" I had no time to think before a blur of blond hair threw itself at me.

"Jamie!" I answered with half the enthusiasm he'd posessed, trying to de-tangle myself from his strong arms, although he was rather warm. I kicked the door to Jamie's apartment closed. And he finally lets go of me. As usual he's not wearing much, just a pair of jeans which are hanging off his hips, showing off the top of his boxers. His blond hair is slightly mused, green eyes sparkling even in the dimly lit room.

At 5'8 he's only half an inch taller than I am, and I commonly refer to him as my munckin. He's also indispensable to my well-being and my best friend.

"You look different," he commented, his eyes narrowing as he looked me over.

I smiled, "I am different."

"You threw it away?" Jamie asked, a grin lighting up his face, making his eyes shine even brighter.

I nodded my head, "Finally did it, and I bought this," I handed him my new notebook.

"May I?" he asked fingering the front cover.

"Go ahead, there's only one sentence in there."

His eyes scanned over the writing and he picked a pen up off the coffee table. "Can I write something?" He inquired his eyes meeting mine for a moment.

"Be my guest," I said with a flick of my hand.

He clutched the pen in his right hand, flipping the book open to a random page and dropping the ball point onto the paper.

"What are you doing?" I asked, trying to read over his shoulder but he pushed me off.

"It's secret," He answered.

"It's in my journal, I'm going to read it anyway," I pointed out.

"But not until you're ready," Jamie said, finishing his note, capping the pen and slamming the book shut, I reached for it, and he held it away from me, "No, promise me you wont read it until you get to that point."

"What, Jamie, you're being crazy," I jumped for the book but he held it away from me.

"Promise me, come on Ari," He cocked his head to the side and gave me a puppy face, "just trust me."

I sighed, "fine," my heart jumping with curiosity, what didn't he want me to read? My hands rubbed the slightly rough surface of the book.

"Jamie, did you do the groceries?" I whipped my head around to be created by the face of Jamie's roommate, Jakob Klein. My heart leapt into my throat as I gasped slightly.

The man was beyond beautiful, at 6'3 he had sparkling brown eyes, and perfectly tousled brown hair, that I knew for a fact he never touched. His body would've made a master sculpted quiver, he looked carved. And best of all, was his personality. With the exception of Jamie I have never met another person so kind, so willing to help anyone else.

"Yeah Jake," Jamie answered, getting up to face his roommate, "I even bought the orange juice you're obsessed with."

"Amazing," Jake ran over to the fridge and tugged it open, pulling out the carton, ripping it open and chugging the contents. I watched his Adam's apple bob up and down with each gulp. Even the way the man drank was beautiful.

"Hey Ariel," Jake greeted me, pulling me into a giant bear hug. He smelled of weed, tide, and cigarettes. I inhaled deeply, sighing slightly as his hands lingered on my back for a moment. "How are you doing?" He asked, "This is the first time I've seen you since..." He trailed off, afraid to say it.

"Yeah it is," I nodded, and Jamie squeezed my hand reassuringly, "I'm doing ok. I miss him," I admitted, tugging nervously on one pigtail, "But him being in college, it just didn't work out."

Jake nodded, taking that for an answer, but I felt the pressure of Jamie's hand against my own increase, which let me know he knew I was anything but ok. "What are you two doing tonight?"

"Just watching old Disney movies," I answered, motioning to the pile of DVDs on the coffee table.

"Mind if I join you two?" Jake asked, curling up next to me on the couch.

"Not a problem," Jamie answered as he stood up and popped The Lion King into the DVD player. He hit play and then sat down in the rocking chair, curling his feet underneath him, moving back and forth arms wrapped around his knees, watching the screen. His eyes locked with mine for a moment, and a brilliant smile crossed his face. The room seemed to explode with light.

I smiled back, and then turned my eyes away from him, glancing over at Jake, his eyes are trained on the screen. Perfectly formed jaw curving upwards slightly at his chin, pointing towards perfectly sized pale pink lips that were pressed tightly together.

I couldn't help my eyes from staring at those lips, those flawlessly formed lips that threatened to be my undoing. I just wanted to stare for hours, run my fingertips back and forth along them, see, where they as soft as they looked. Would his kiss be hard an uninviting, or would it be gentle and slow, moving slowly towards passion, with a practiced skill that knew just how to drive a girl absolutely insane.

I was snapped out of my daydreams when the movie started, I kicked my feet up onto Jake's lap and leaned my head against the armrest of the couch. Simba was just singing about how he was going to become a "mighty king" when I fell fast asleep. Apparently throwing away my past takes more out of me than I'd been aware.

I was awoken four hours later by Jake shaking me. I opened up bleary eyes, searching for Jamie, but he was nowhere to be seen.

"Where's J?" I yawned.

"Asleep," Jake answered.

"Oh," I curled up again, letting my body sink into the couch.

"You look amazing tonight," Jake started.

I raised an eyebrow, "I don't look any different than normal do I?"

Jake smiled and slipped my beanie off my head, pulling out the hair-ties holding in my braids and undoing them, letting his hands slide through my shoulder length red hair. I couldn't help but sigh against his touch. His hands were so gentle, his fingers moved in a way that was so perfectly calculated and exact, it seemed like his every movement had been planned. Predetermined to feel a certain precise way.

"What are you doing?" I asked, my voice was a whisper in the darkened room. I hoped the way my breathing had quickened wasn't overly obvious. Cars moved back and forth outside lighting up the apartment temporarily. Every few moments his face would become visible, and my breath would catch at his eyes. They were looking at me with a want, as if he'd had a plan that he'd put into action ages ago, and he was just now getting to the end. It just made my heart beat faster.

"Why don't you tell me?" He asked as his hand made it's way down the back of my head to the nape of my neck, closing around the back of my neck in a way that made me shiver. I let my head fall bac against his palm, feeling the warmth that radiated from him. "Well?" he leaned forward, lips hover above my exposed neck, eyes staring up to look at me.

"Well what?" I asked, as he slide a hand down my side to rest against my hip.

"What am I doing?" He asked, his lips brushing against the hollow of my throat.

"I dunno," I answered, as his lips traced my throat to the underside if my jaw, and then stopping at my chin right below my slightly parted lips. "Show me, and then I'll tell you."

"It doesn't work that way Ari," Jake lifted his lips, placing them inches from mine.

"Then how about I show you?" I asked tilting my head and bringing my mouth slightly closer to his.

"That's legal, I suppose," Jake cracked a small smile, "Show me."

I took a breath, placed my hand on the back of his head and brought his lips to mine. They were just as soft as I'd imagined, perfectly formed, opening just ever so slightly to take my bottom lip into his mouth. He pulled gently causing me to gasp and tumble forward into his lap, which I supposed was the plan in the first place. Our lips moved together, one of his hands still at my hip, the other on the side of my cheek, keeping my face firmly in place so that I could kiss him. His tongue threaded with mine, and I felt like I was falling. His kiss was gentle, slow, passionate, and languid, all at the same time. Despite the lack of aggression that was usually present when I kissed someone, I found myself unable to think in any sort of coherent thought.

Without separating our lips he lifted me up, cradling me against his body. Deepening the kiss all the while. My mind was screaming that this was too soon, that I wasn't over my last heartbreak. But I didn't care, hadn't I turned left after that overpass, hadn't I just recently decided that I was switching paths, that things were going to change? I had, so I was going to let this happen with Jake. Besides, it wasn't as if I hadn't been lusting after him since the day he moved in with Jamie.

Jake kicked the door closed, tossing me gently on the bed, locking the door and then laying down next to me, "I've been wanting to do that for so long," he revealed before capturing my lips yet again. He rolled us over, so that he was on top. My chest rose and fell with an impossibly erratic rhythm. The cars pounded by outside his window, the speed of their motion matching the rate of my heart.

Jake moved his lips off of mine, moving down to my neck, sucking and biting.

"No marks," I managed to breath, he nodded, continuing to torture my neck. I shivered as he found my spot right where my shoulders met my neck, a little bit behind my ear. I felt a large warm palm move underneath the fabric of my tank top, pushing up and off of my torso. Jake pulled away from his attack on my body for a moment just long enough to slide my top over my head as I lifted my upper body to help him. He kissed down my chest, leaning over and undoing the clasp of my bra with his teeth.

"Where'd you learn that one?" I asked giggling, slightly, in a stupid fashion, but I could not be held accountable as Jake had, by this point successfully turned my thought process into a non-existent, whatever you want to call it. I knew this was too fast, but I couldn't do anything about it. I was to far gone, my body was on fire, and so was Jake's nothing short of an apocalypse was going to stop us.

"Figured it out, once upon a time," Jake answered, as I moved my hands underneath his t-shirt, tugging slightly. He got the hint and pulled it over his head before leaning over and grasping my bra straps, kissing my shoulder, and pulling them both down at the same time as he kissed down my left arm to my hand. Once at my hand, he slid a finger into his mouth, toying with it gently, causing me to gasp, as if I wasn't turned on enough.

"Jake..." I trailed off.

"What do you want me to do?" He asked, dropping my hand back on the bed.

"Whatever you want," I answered, trailing a finger down his perfectly sculpted chest muscles, causing him to shiver and flex slightly.

"Tell me," He ordered, leaning down to kiss my lips for a moment.

I hesitated, I wanted sex, but saying 'make sex to me' was grammatically incorrect, saying 'make love to me' might freak him out, and saying 'fuck me' made this look like a sleazy one night stand, which I sincerely hoped it was not. So I decided for something completely different, "How bout I show you?" I asked, undoing his jeans and running a hand along his clothed erection causing him to groan.

He smiled and kissed me, pulling my body against his, "Do your worst."

So I did.