by Megan Auffart

Forgive me, but I had to use the title. I couldn't help myself and macabre puns are always the best ones, in my opinion. Since I'm a review whore, please please please review. Even if you hated it, tell me so. Just review! Thanks!

David hadn't been aware of how much Paula hated the baby until he found the head, one night, boiling underneath the lid of the silver cooking pot. He'd entered the house only minutes before, thinking to himself how strange tonight's dinner smelled. Then he'd gotten the idea to check whatever soup was currently boiling, thinking that he would stir it and possibly add some seasoning. Paula never made the food as spicy as David would have liked.

He lifted the head from out of the boiling water with the hotdog tongs from the upper drawer and looked at it. The skin was bright red, but very blotchy, and the eyes looked strangely loose, like they would fall out at any minute. The eyelids were as thin and fragile as paper and the tiny mouth was open in a silent, perpetual gasp.

"Paula?" David called out. He was surprised at how normal his voice sounded.

"Yes, dear?" Paula asked, walking into the kitchen. Her high heels clicked on the floor with surprising loudness, but David didn't turn around to look at her. Instead, he reached across the red, bubbling water in the pot and turned off the stove. The hot steam made his skin moisten. He wondered if blood evaporated at the same rate that water did.

"What...what is this?" He took a deep breath and turned around, holding the head out in front of him. The skull was almost too big for the tongs to handle and David was afraid that it might drop on the floor if he lost his grip.

His wife was wearing the same dress she'd put on that morning, yellow polka-dots, but there were splatters of red reaching from her midsection to her neckline. Her arms were tinted pink, but her hands were clean from the wrists down. She must have washed them. Paula always made sure to wash her hands before making dinner.

"He wouldn't stop crying," Paula explained and took a step towards him. David took a step back, but his butt hit the edge of the stove, which was still hot, and so he instinctively jumped a few inches forward. The head slipped out from the tongs' grip and fell onto the floor. The sound was more of a "splat" than a "thump".

David froze. The head had rolled onto its side and both mushy, boiled eyes were staring ahead at Paula's feet. David followed their gaze; her shoes were covered in blood as well. The last he could remember, his wife had hated the sight of blood. He was the one who always put the bandages on any scrapes. He guessed that she must have gotten over her aversion.

"Now look at what you've done," Paula chided him. "I'll have to clean up the whole kitchen, with the mess you're making!"

"Paula?" David choked out. He couldn't move his eyes. He couldn't stop staring.

"Yes?"

"Didn't you love our son?"

"Oh yes," she answered, smiling at him with the same smile that had won him over on their first date. "I loved him almost as much as I love you." She laughed and kicked the head playfully towards him. It hit his shoe before coming to a halt. David could only watch. "Now clean yourself up. The oven's almost set to go off and dinner will be ready in a jiffy."

She strolled over to him, her heels clicking on the linoleum floor, and kissed him perkily on the cheek. Spinning around, she giggled and pranced off towards the hallway closet, presumably to get cleaning supplies for the kitchen. David noticed how she'd left a trail of bloody footprints on the floor.

Taking a deep breath and trying not to look at the severed head lying at his feet, David forced himself to walk over to the oven. Trying not to pass out, he held back the rising flood of stomach acid that threatened to rise up his esophagus. What was he supposed to do now? Call the police? Run away? Attack his own wife? Nothing was clear anymore.

David did the only thing he could think of. He leaned forward, opened the oven door, and learned just how creative Paula's casseroles could be.

...The end! Please leave a review and tell me what you think.