Kissing Tears.

He’s been quiet recently. Not talking to you, not showing up to band practice, not being…himself. And for the life of you, you can’t figure out why. Sat on the sofa, staring at his profile, you just don’t understand what you’re missing.

He was fine a month ago, still his happy, charming and full of life self. Not like he is now. Now he’s just quiet and withdrawn…around you. You’ve seen him with the others and he’s fine, but whenever you’re around, he…well, he changes and you don’t know what to do anymore.

You’re upsetting him in some way and for some reason, but you don’t know how to stop hurting him. The only way you can think of stopping him from being hurt by you is to leave him alone. But you’re finding it difficult because…well, you’re not sure why. Or maybe you do, and you’re just not willing to admit it.

“Will you quit staring at me?”

They’re the first words he’s spoken to you since you got here, other than the original, ‘hey, come in’. Blushing, you avert your eyes away from his face and instead chose to look at your currently twiddling hands.

“Sorry. Didn’t realise I was doing it.”

After you say this, the room lapses into another silence and you can’t help but try and look at him again, but this time, he’s the one staring.

“So…”

You decide to break the tense silence, but you being the idiot don’t know what to say. Instead, after saying your opening word, you choose to stare at his now blushing profile. You can’t help but smile at this.

“Is there something specific you wanted when you came over?”

This question catches you off guard, never having to have a reason to come over before. You realise the only reason you can think of for wanting to come over was to spend time with him, because he’s been avoiding you. But now you think about it, maybe it was a stupid idea; after all, he seems to be taking great measures to stay away from you. If you cared for him you’d do the same.

“No…I…uh, look, erm…I’ll go.”

You stand up from the sofa, take a quick glance at his now shocked face and head towards to door, all the while inwardly shouting at yourself for hurting him even more.

“I’m sorry.”

His words barely above a whisper, you turn back to face him, to see his eyes welling up with tears. On instinct, you move forwards and put your arms around him, forgetting all about how this may be hurting him. Eventually he hesitantly wraps his arms around you and just hugs you back. You feel his tears on your t-shirt covered shoulder and not for the first time today, you’re confused.

“Why? You don’t have to be sorry. Never you.”

And then the room lapses into silence once again, but this time, you have no reason to break it. You know he’ll do that eventually.

“Why do you still bother with me, when all I’ve been doing is pushing you away?”

…You realise you don’t know how to answer this. Why have you tried so hard to get him to talk to you, it’s not like you don’t have other friends. You could say it’s because he’s your best friend, but…he’s only one of many best friends. You spent as much time with him as the others, so why did this bother you so much?

“…I…”

He pushes himself away from you, enough so that he can look up at your face. You realise your hands are on his waist, and his on yours. But he doesn’t say anything. He waits for you to speak again.

“I…I don’t know.”

He lets go of your waist as a small, sad smile forms on his lips. Then, he looks away from you, and all you can think of doing is kissing away the tear marks on his cheeks and holding him until he’s happy.

“Oh.”

And you can’t stand the way his voice sounds so lost and so…hurt. Hurt, because of you.

“Am I hurting you?”

His head turns back to you abruptly; his eyes wide in shock, his mouth open slightly. You can tell he doesn’t know how to answer.  You take this as a ‘yes’ and finally let go of his waist, forgetting until now that you hadn’t done so yet.

“No.”

His voice a whisper, tears forming and a pleading look in his eyes, he steps forward and engulfs you in a hug, his head on your shoulder, shaking from side to side, the word ‘no’ being repeated over and over in the quietest voice you’ve ever heard from him.

“Never you. I’m hurting myself, but I’ll be okay.”

You hesitantly hold him back, your arms encircling his waist, hands clasping at his shoulder blades. He’s hurting and it’s not because of you, and instead of relief flooding through you like you expected, you feel your heart break because maybe, just maybe there isn’t a way to make him feel better.

“Will you? Or are you trying to make me feel better? God Ty, tell me how to make you happy. Please. I’ll do anything.”

He pulls back slightly from the embrace, eyes red and puffy, cheeks wet and his whole body shaking slightly.

“Anything?”

You don’t even consider hesitating before you reply.

“Anything.”

And before you can understand what’s happening, his lips are on yours and his hands are pulling you closer to him. You’re too startled to do anything at first, but then, as if it’s the most natural thing in the world, you start to respond to the kiss. Then, before you can protest, he pulls himself out from your grip and steps back. Head down, his hands twiddling, you realise, that maybe this is why you never gave up on him. Why you couldn’t forget him.

“I’m so sorry.”

But then, you step forward and put your hands around him, startled he looks up into your face and you smile.

“Don’t be. I’m not.”

And the he smiles, and then laughs and hugs you back. Then you kiss him and this time when you part from him, there’s no looking away from each other, because there’s no need to.

You love each other, and maybe one day, you’ll be able to express this in words, but for now, you’re quite happy just holding him and kissing away his tears.

End.

Now, review dammit. Go on, you know you want to.