Life's Reality Turned Jokes

A/N: Haha, I just decided to completely revise the whole stupid plot for this story. Took me forever, but I think I finally got the base down. This chapter still is the same, no major changes here. Just wanted to revise it a little more...

Another reason why I decided to start over? The characters didn't seem to fit my exact description. Rather, it seemed like they materialized on their own... freaky.

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Chapter One: New Teachers, Old Enemies

***

Twenty-five different alarm clocks went off at the same time. Two people occupied the room, each taking half the space. A curtain was drawn between the two people to have at least a little bit of privacy to each other. Lani Kay and her older brother Keolla shared the room. Most of the alarm clocks were on Lani's side, though she only ducked under the covers deeper in her bed and went on sleeping. Keolla, however, couldn't ignore the ringing, beeping, and annoying songs that repeated over and over and over…

He tossed and turned in his own bed, trying to ignore the alarms and hope that his sister would hurry up and turn them off. When she made no move, he growled out and threw his pillow at the curtain that was between them. He stomped over to her side of the room and angrily pushed the flimsy material away from his path.

"God Lani, turn off you damn alarm clocks." Roughly, he began shutting off all the little noisemakers. He had to search under the bed, in her dresser and the top of her desk to find some of the hidden ones. After he had finished his "peacemaking" task, he proceeded to her bed and threw the covers off of her. She gave a loud groan of protest.

"Get up! It's morning already, you'll be late for school," He glared at her and scratched his bedraggled head.

"…five more minutes…" Lani mumbled into her pillow. When he tried to take her pillow away, she gripped it tight and yelled at him irritatingly. "I said FIVE MORE MINUTES! Come back later and wake me up then,"

Keolla snorted and rolled his eyes. "Fine, I'll take the shower first."

Lani, fully awake now, lifted up her head abruptly. "No! You always use up all the hot water. You know I hate cold showers."

"Then hurry up and get your lazy-butt out of that bed. We don't have all day."

Lani swung her legs to the side of the bed and yawned widely. For a second, she looked confused and studied her surroundings. "Hey, I thought I set my alarm clocks last night. I didn't hear them go off…"

She watched Keolla storm out of their room in frustration, mumbling something about "ignorant children."

She shook her head and dragged her feet to her closet to get her clothes for the day.

As she padded towards the bathroom with her new clothes in her arm, she scratched the back of her head and greeted her parents tiredly along the way. Everyone else greeted back cheerfully (and loudly). Her youngest sister flicked a spoonful of carrot mush her direction, which landed on the wall behind her near her left ear. Lani was too tired to even notice and padded on towards the room at the end of the hall.

You see, Lani lived in a family of six (including her) and five other members of the family squeezed in with her in a small, but clean, apartment. Her oldest sister received the job as a flight attendant so she traveled all over the place and was getting paid for it. Keolla was the second oldest and was in his second year at a community college near their apartment. He decided to screw paying for a rent somewhere else and lived right at home. Besides, he wouldn't leave their mother's home cooking for the world--unlike their sister.

Lani was the second youngest, followed by her five-year-old sister, Nani, a.k.a. the human atomic tantrum bomb. You didn't know when she was peaceful and when she exploded. And even worse, her screams could penetrate even the thickest walls and could be heard in the entire half of the world.

When she finished her shower, fully dressed and clean, she went into the dining room. Her mother instantly prepared and served her a bowl of steamed rice and a plate of sunny side up eggs with a bacon. Keolla gobbled up the rest of his food and left for the shower.

Lani's father was sitting at the head of the table--as usual--and had opened the newspaper to the nation and world section. This was a very good thing in the Kay family. Whenever Mr. Kay was reading something other than what he really cared for (like the college football league), it meant that he was very happy and open-minded.

It would be a good idea to show him that report card she received the day before…

Name: Kay, Lani M.

Age: Sixteen

Quarter: Second

Grade Status:

Period 1) European History: C-

Period 2) Functional Statistic Trigonometry: D+

Period 3) Creative Writing: C+

Period 4) Sports Med: C

Period 5) French II: C-

Period 6) Physics: C

She just about died when she received the report cards. The only good comment she received was, "She is capable of doing better work." which really isn't a good comment at all. Well, at least she got a C+ in writing class. And oh, look! There's a + next to the D in math! A C-? How could she get a C- in French class? Oh wait, that's right, that stupid family tree project…

Lani chewed on her bacon thoughtfully and watched Nani draw on a couple of sheets of paper. Her legs were dangling over the chair and her pigtails whipped dangerously every time she turned her head sharply. Lani swallowed her bacon and called her dad timidly. "Dad?" It was now or never.

"Hmm?" He took a sip of coffee from his mug, continuing to read the newspaper.

"Would you be mad if my grades aren't all that good?"

He eyed her over the newspaper. "What do you mean, 'not all that good?'"

"Uh…not VERY good." She said before adding, "My highest grade is a C+."

For a minute he just stared at her, then shrugged. "Last time you're highest grade was a D so I guess you're working them up, Are you passing?"

"In a way…yeah." Lani said slowly.

"Then you're not on my hit list." He went back to his newspaper and chuckled at his own joke.

Lani sighed in relief and resumed her task in finishing her breakfast. Thank God she got over with it. Now she didn't have anything to worry about…

Nani put her crayons down and held up her drawing proudly. "Look Lani, it's Mommy and Daddy." Their mother came to the table to see the picture. When she saw the picture, she sucked in her breath and stared at it. "Why…it's very pretty." She hesitated before handing the picture to Lani.

Lani, wondering vaguely if her sister drew their mother fat or something, took the paper as she drank her coffee. She was right, the drawing WAS pretty.

Lani spat out her coffee and stared at the drawing. Or more at the paper that Nani scribbled her crayons on. Wasn't that her term paper for history class?

***

Ninety-year-old Mr. Dale was reaching down to get his newspaper when a sudden scream penetrated from his neighbor's apartment. It wasn't the whining kind of scream he was usually used to. This was a genuine, knocking the socks off of a grown giant kind of scream.

It was enough to lose his grip on his cane and fall to the floor with a "clunk." His eighty-something-year-old wife came out to the door to investigate what happened. Seeing her husband lying on the floor, she shook an angry fist to the sky.

"Curse you, for killing my dear husband!"

Mr., Dale lifted up a shaky hand. "I'm not dead yet, crazy old bat."

"Call me an old bat again and I wouldn't be so sure if I were you."

***

Lani was typing madly away at the computer. She squinted at the words in the paper that were covered in crayon marks. "Stupid Nani. Stupid me… stupid, STUPID me. Why the hell did I leave my freaking term paper on the table? Why the hell did I DELETE the stupid thing out of my computer right after I was don't with it?"

She wanted to bang her head on the desk. She wanted to pull out her hair and throw the worst tantrum ever; but that wouldn't help her grades now would it? So instead, she tried to swallow all her frustration and type the report again on the computer and reprint it out.

Keolla stood behind her with a mug of coffee, watching her with amusement. She ignored him since the five minutes she gained by missing the bus were not made to argue with her brother. Her eyes darted to the clock every ten seconds. Sweat trickled down her face as she punched at the keyboard as fast and accurate as she could. The more the minutes ticked by, the more she panicked.

Lazily, Keolla drank his coffee. His classes didn't start until noon so he could spend the morning completely relaxed. Since he really had nothing else to do, he watched his younger sister type away madly at the computer.

Just as the clock struck seven-thirty, Lani finished her report triumphantly. Now nothing could stop her now. She was the queen! The holy empress!

Happily, she clicked on the "print" icon to print her paper. To her confusion, nothing happened. Puzzled, she clicked again. Still nothing happened. Panic started to bubble up into her throat, almost choking her. Lani decided that icon wasn't working so she tried to move her mouse to a different place when…

The little arrow on her screen wouldn't move.

"Oh god… no… NO!" She slammed her mouse onto the desk. "How could you DO this to me?!" She shook the computer in anger.

Her dumbass of a computer froze. And she didn't even save the stupid report either.

Keolla grinned at her, finding this all kind of funny. "You could always take the lovely picture Nani drew and tell your teacher about it."

Lani glared at him. "Are you kidding me? Mr. JERKyll would probably laugh at me and rip the paper up." She dropped her head into the keyboard, making a huge, Ka-Chunk, sound. "It's hopeless, I'm going to fail that class all because my little sister wanted to draw a picture of my parents."

He shrugged nonchalantly. "At least you don't have to make some excuse of your dog chewing it up or something."

"Oh shut up, Keolla." Lani mumbled into the keyboard. A second later, she added, "And can you be the nicest brother in the entire world and drive me to school? I can't drive since Dad won't let me go behind the wheel."

He snorted. "That's because you crashed into the school flag pole as soon as you got your driver's permit,"

"I'm not in the mood told be told off." Lani said pointedly and went to get her backpack.

As soon as she was out of the room, he muttered, "Touché."

***

"Mr. Hyde? Would you like me to help you move your stuff up to your new classroom?" One of the school counselors asked a small man who wore a dirty lab coat and was slightly bare on the head.

"Oh, would you do that for me? Thank you, thank you…" He sighed and stared about him happily. Everyone was so nice in school…

"Hey, watch it you idiot! You're in my way. You wanna get run over or something?" The soda man shoved him aside as he went down the hallway, pushing a cart full of cola.

Well… maybe not EVERYONE.

Anyways, anything was better than staying back at THAT place. He had enough. He was going to start over and begin a new life. He was going to be what he always wanted to be when he was in college. He came to this school to be the new physics teacher.

Since his class didn't start until one-thirty, which was sixth period, he had the chance to explore the school and get used to the environment. After he carried all his folders and bags up two flights of stairs and into his classroom, he walked around the hallways, greeting teachers and students. His name-tag was pinned proudly onto his lab coat to show the world that he was a teacher himself.

Two kids were playing tongue hockey with each other up ahead of him in the hallway. Rule number twenty-one in the school rules said that kissing wasn't allowed anywhere on the school premises. Deciding he should do his first scolding on these kids, he strode up to them and tapped the girl harshly on the shoulder.

He jumped back and almost yelped when the girl wasn't a girl at all. He only assumed the person was a girl because of the long hair. Two boys glared at him for interrupting their previous activities. Well, THIS was very different. He didn't know what to do, so he waved an arm and said, "Carry on what you're doing. Sorry to bother you two."

He acted as if this didn't faze him and walked briskly down the hallway. It was more like running to other students however…

He went on walking and went down the stairs, all the way down to the pool. He pushed the double doors open and the smell of chlorine hit his nostrils. "Whoops, didn't mean to come down here."

He turned around to go back where he came from and ended bumping into someone. He fell back down onto the cold, hard floor and a test tube fell out of his pocket. The principal looked down at the fallen teacher. "Whoa there, sorry about that. Didn't mean to bump into you." The stout, aged man helped him back on his feet.

"…hey aren't you that new teacher?" Mr. Stevens asked him tentatively, studying the man in front of him.

Mr. Hyde nodded vigorously. "Yes, yes, I'm the new physical science teacher here…"

"Well then, that's just grand. I was looking for you and saw somebody go down into the pool. I came here to see who it was and what do you know?" He snapped his fingers. "Doggone it, there YOU are!"

As Mr. Stevens led him out, he kicked something off to the side. He didn't pay no mind since the janitors and cleaning volunteers always picked up the trash. The test tube spun to the wall, bounced off, and rolled towards the pool. It fell into the water, and the blue substance inside began leaking out from the cracks formed during the brutal treatment. It sizzled and bubbled in the water, doing some very strange chemical reactions inside the school pool.

***

Lani dragged her feet up the school steps after Keolla dropped her off. Weakly, she managed to greet her friends as they passed by her. Her feet went into autopilot mode and headed towards the library. Ever since she went into high school, the library suddenly became her second home. Every morning before classes started, she would go there and study, and every afternoon after school ended she would stay an extra hour or two there to finish her homework and receive help from her tutors.

A couple of her other friends, were already seated at one of the tables. As soon as they saw Lani, they waved to her and motioned to an empty seat at their table. They were all working on their homework assignments that were due today.

Randi, Bobbi, and Bianca were all working on their math homework.

"Lani, I don't get this, help me." Bobbi whispered to her, pointing at a problem in her textbook with her pencil.

"I can't help you, I have a D in that class you know? Just skip it and go back to it later."

"But I did that to all the other problems. The only problem I answered was number one, and I don't think it's even right." She chewed on her bottom lip. "I don't get ANY of this equation crap."

Loud laughing behind them made them turn around and see who was being so loud in the library. It was a bunch of preppy girls giggling at something on a girl's binder. Randi and Bobbi rolled their eyes and went back to finishing their homework.

Lani studied the girl with the binder. She couldn't place who the girl was, but she felt as if she's known the girl before vaguely. Bianca looked at the girl too and nodded with apprehension.

"That's Sue Cassidy. She's new to the school this year. She was known as Sue the Supercilious Suing Bitch back in her old school. Her dad's a lawyer. You know about her and Kyle right?"

It didn't take a genius to know which Kyle she was talking about. Just hearing his name made steam blow out of her ears.

"She's with Kyle now? What happened to Ira Jones?"

"Got dumped in front of Baskin 'n Robins." Bianca meant to say in a sympathetic tone, but the grin on her face said otherwise. "It was actually pretty funny. He tried to honey it down with a small bouquet of flowers. Ira stomped on those daisies and threw the remains in his face. I saw the whole thing with my own two eyes. I wish I had my camcorder there to show you…"

Lani laughed. "You should have! I would kill to see what the look on his face was."

When she looked back over at Sue Cassidy, Lani was a little surprised to find her staring right at her. But as they made eye-contact, Sue turned away and whispered to her friends. Okay, she might just be paranoid, but she suddenly had this feeling that they were talking about HER. Lani was especially annoyed when they started laughing again.

Sheesh, what did she ever do to Sue? Was looking at her the crime of the century? Well, at least she found something about her personality. She certainly WAS conceited. Perfect for an arrogant idiot like Kyle.

"Well, well, well, look who it is,"

Speak of the devil…

A tall boy stood behind Lani with his arms crossed arrogantly. Ah yes, the typical, normal, school bully.

"I'm in a pissy mood today, Itoi. Go bug someone else who would listen." Lani said irritably. She didn't even bother to face him.

"You're always in a pissy mood. I told you not to get pregnant, look at your mood swings!" He sneered.

"Look who's talking, man-whore."

He was about to retort something back when Sue Cassidy suddenly slid into the picture. She put a finger to his lips and hushed him. "Shh… sweetie, this is a library. Not so loud." She giggled softly. It wasn't the giggle of an obsessed freak. It wasn't even high-pitched either. It was the giggle of a lover, teasing with another lover.

And that almost made Lani puke.

Lani, Randi, Bobbi and Bianca stuck their finger in their mouth and did the tongue out gag gesture. It only encouraged Sue to snuggle closer to her boyfriend. Looking down at them, she snorted. "Come on Kyle, I don't want to get any immature, loser germs."

Kyle shrugged and let himself get dragged away by Sue. Almost as soon as they turned their backs on the four, Lani gave them the finger. "What kind of lame insult was that?"

"Well are you going to?" Randi asked her.

"Going to do what?" Lani asked, still annoyed.

"Warn Sue about Kyle's undying habit?"

She rolled her eyes and dug up her crayola colored term paper from her backpack. "She can find out by herself. She probably wouldn't listen to a IMMATURE LOSER like me."

The school bell rang, signaling classes were to start in five minutes. They said bye to each other and parted different ways. Lani sighed and stared at the paper in her hand. "Maybe I'll skip history today…"

Skipping didn't sound so bad when you were approaching Mr. Jerkyll's classroom. Anything was better than being humiliated in front of a class that had your worst enemy there to witness it. Maybe she could hide out in the bathroom until the bell rang. But then, people would start getting ideas…

***

It was the worst experience she had ever had to endure. Worse than the time she had to hula in a tight bikini and hula skirt at the front of the mall when she was five. After the humiliating lecture about coloring your report to impress the eye, she was known throughout the school (with the ugly help of Kyle) as "the dumb girl who likes to scribble all over her homework". What a grand title.

Lani turned the dial to her locker combination and opened her locker. She threw her books inside and grabbed her binder for physics. When she slammed her locker shut, she found herself face to face with Kyle. He smirked down at her as she narrowed her eyes at him,

"You again? What the hell do you want?"

He leaned against a locker. "Just wondering how our royal dumbness is doing. You're fairly popular in the gossip committee you know."

"You're not so bad yourself." She countered. " I heard about your latest break off. What made you do that to her?"

He shrugged nonchalantly. "I figured she wasn't my type at all." He smiled slowly and had a faraway look in his eyes. "Her legs were another matter however..."

Lani began walking away briskly. "You can update me on your sex-life later, Itoi."

He made a move to go after her but called out to her instead. "I like that poster of yours in hallway seven!"

What? What was he talking about? Lani turned around to demand what he was talking about, but he was already walking the other way, laughing with a bunch of his guy-friends.

She'd find out what he was talking about as she approached her class. Physics was in hallway seven. She turned the corner and arrived in the hallway to find a flock of people surrounding the bulletin with a huge picture. "What the hell?"

Lani pushed her way through the crowd and looked up at the looming picture... of her in preschool when she was still in Hawaii! It wasn't just a normal picture, it was one where they had to make fudge and she had brown chocolate all over herself. It was smeared in her face, her hair, her whole body was coated in the stuff! And the brown substance didn't look like it was only chocolate.

"Oh my GOD!!!" Lani screamed. She rushed up to the bulletin board and tore down the picture limb by limb. Once every last piece was off the wall, she gathered all the remains and stuffed it int the nearest garbage can. People were whispering to each other as they watched her.

"You like that picture I made for you?" That voice...

Lani whipped around and saw Sue Cassidy sneering down at her.

"I just thought it would be a nice gift for our little reunion here."

Holy cow, Sue CASSIDY! The most richest and shyest girl in her preschool when she was still in Hawaii! She was always picked on because her blond stringy hair was always covering her face like cousin itt. What was SHE doing here? Or more like, what HAPPENED to her?!

"Sue? Are you really... Sue?" Lani couldn't believe it. This couldn't be shy, quiet Sue who hated to brag and talk about herself.

"You seemed surprised." She said. "You probably didn't expect shy, quiet, unpopular Sue to grow up like THIS now did you?"

Lani stared at her.

Sue smiled widely. And it wasn't a smile from a friend to a friend. It was a smile made for the avenger to the soon-to-be-avenged. When the bell rang, she went to her classroom. "I'll be seeing you after school."

***

A/N: Finally! Took me enough weeks to finally get this chapter over and done with. It was embarrassing to just publish the story without an actual real chapter. Now this thing has hope of going somewhere.