Four months of oblivion and then reality hits;
In one sweeping motion, everything's gone.
It's gone, and I'm fighting to keep things together.
I'm fighting to remember what entranced me most.
My hands are bound and I cannot act.
I cannot think for myself without being slighted.
It enrages me to be held thus-
I'm held against my will.
And against my own will, I love him.
I love him, still, though I don't know why.
Even so, I know that I cannot live this way
And surrender my autonomy to another's control.
Without fail, I frustrate and repel him
And disappoint him in every respect.
I can't remember what he thought he saw in me.
Whatever it was, it's gone as well.
If he saw me now, he'd see a numbed face,
Hardened glass eyes that never see, never know.
The frosty air settles deep into my soul,
Infects me with a chill that can't be warmed.