The WB’s New Lineup by Sterfish

Characters:

Randall Whitmore, Director of Programming at The WB
Reporter #1
Reporter #2
Reporter #3

Setting: Press Conference. The Director of Programming is standing at a podium with reporters sitting in front of him.

Director: Hi, I’m Randall Whitmore, Director of Programming at the WB network. Due to low ratings we are cancelling the following shows: Dawson’s Creek, Charmed, Reba, Smallville and most of those crappy ass white shows. Instead we are going to a new format focusing on our strongest and most loyal audience, Urban viewers.

Reporter #1: You’re kidding, right?

Director (loudly): Hell naw I ain’t kiddin! (more reserved) Our first strategy is to take advantage of a popular show—The Steve Harvey Show. Due to popular demand, we’re bringing it back for 10 more seasons.

Reporter #2: Wasn’t that show supposed to be cancelled?

Director: (loudly) Who told you that?! (reserved) To get Steve Harvey and Cedric The Entertainer to continue this landmark in black television, we gave them each $25 million dollar contracts.

Reporter #3: Woah, woah! Twenty-five million? For Steve Harvey and Cedric the Entertainer??

Director: If Drew Carey, Jerry Seinfeld, and Ray Romano can get paid, why not Steve Harvey? Now, we’re also getting some new shows. They include, "Dre, Eminem, and Thems", a sitcom starring Dr. Dre, Eminem, and Snoop Dogg. They all live in a house in Anaheim, one of the whitest cities in the country and make it all ghetto. Then there’s "BET Booty Shake", nothin but 1 hour of nice, THICK black women shaking what they mamas gave them! MMPH!

Reporter #2: Isn’t the (pauses) "BET Booty Shake" somewhat sexist and racist? And why are only black women shaking their (pauses) bootys?

Director: Cause white girls ain’t got none, you know that! Now, some of the other shows coming include "Crackas in The Hood" starring Bubba Sparkxxx, the new game show, "Who Can Outdis Jay-Z?", The Louis Farrakhan Comedy Hour, All New Episodes of The PJ’s, Fat Albert, That’s My Mama, What’s Happening 2K2 dedicated to Shirley Hemphill, The Ruff Ryders Variety Show...

Reporter #1: What the hell is your problem? Do you honestly think black people or anybody for that matter will want to watch these shows...

Director (loud): Shut up, honky!

Reporter #1: How you gonna call me honky and you’re white?

Director: Just because I can.

Reporter #2: This is the most degrading thing I’ve ever heard! You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Director: And you should be ashamed for putting my people in slavery!

Reporter #2: What the hell?

Director: All these years we’ve been treated like crap and called niggas...

(Everyone looks around)

Reporter #1: Did he..

Reporter #2: ...just say...

Reporter #3: ...what I think he said?

(pause)

Director: Umm...my bad?

Reporter #1: Okay...1, 2, 3!!!!

(While reporter #1 counts down, director starts to slink away from the podium.)

Reporter #2: Get him!

(Director runs as the reporters all chase him down)

END SKETCH