You know, have you ever had the feeling of ultimate power, complete control over everybody and anything that you touch, people probably have this feeling once in a life time, me, I have that feeling all the time everyday.

So what I hear you ask gives me this ultimate power, the complete control, aside from the fact that I am a woman, yes that's right I am a headmistress. Headmistress of my School, named ST Linda's School for Everyone. Now to work here you don't have to be eccentric but it helps.

We have the head of the departments who are under my complete control, the Senior teacher in charge of transport, who lives in his own Monty Python world.

The two deputy heads, known as the Johns, no they have nothing to do with toilets, they are both called John, John Bowe and John Toes, OK, so we have the Mr Toe's yep he is a double of the demon Headmaster, aside from the fact that I am headmistress instead of him. The same grey hair, hypnotic eyes and dark glasses, and my other John, well he's the guy who doesn't really seem to do much no matter how much I tell him too, he just seems to wander telling of my students about their ties and shirts.

Uniform in my opinion is pretty cool when its right, but what we have now sucks, but im not allowed to change it, in my opinion the skirts are not short enough and the shoes too low for girls and boys well what can I say they look nice in anything.

We have the language department, completely full of foreigners can't understand a word they say at staff meetings, they speak a language not on the MFL syllabus.

The English department, Shakespeare and poetry, they live it breath it and speak it, I once asked one where the toilet was when I first arrived here. He said " Come hither, my Juliet and I shall show you the hole in the floor". Weird huh.

Maths department, all scary people with beards and calculators, screaming eureka at the top of their voices every time...EUREKA!!...oh look there they go again, im going to get double glazing.

The PE department, all shiny people with shiny medals, oh wait there is one guy, he's...well lets just say I don't watch cross country because im interested in school spirit.

The DESIGN department, quite a scary lot, don't like to insult that lot to much as they have a large assortment of tools at their disclosure, and one of them owns a very dangerous Iron and the odd heavy sewing machine, but never the less, there is Thumbelina, A guy with huge thumbs, Burgesses of Beverly, Ice cream man., and the rest including the Textiles teacher, who thinks she is funny...she's not!

Less said about the rest of the school the better, that being the boring history and geography department, I try to avoid them because they are...hmmmm let me find the right word...BORING!

The students, sweet little children all skipping around, getting under my feet and interrupting me when im busy, I love them I always have time to talk to one of...(Knock, knock) "BOG OFF",...them.

Me, my name Headmistress ,professor, Your Majesty, God, whatever title you fancy, Summers, Linda Summers. My favourite things in life in this order are.

Food.

Men.

Cigarettes.

Money.

Alcohol.

And that place I go to everyday where I can get them all, SCHOOL hahahahaaahhhahahaahhahahahahhah!!.

So welcome to a week in my life, during this time, you will see and hear many amazing things, and I will give you true insight into what the life of a Headmistress is really like...OH did I mention this is a Boarding School hahahahahaha, (cough, cough, stupid chewy, cough cough, hahahahahahahaha!)