12 Pains of Christmas

"Doesn't the tree look great?"

Rael grunted, "It'll look even better when I get these damn things up. Who was the dumbass who thought to make these things anyway?!" Tatsu grinned cat-like at him, "Having much problems?" She asked sweetly; Rael glared at her hard enough to melt steel. "You stupid little-"

Luckily, the door slammed open and prevented Rael from finishing his sentence. "Gods, some'dy ple's jus' shoot me now 'n put me out of my mis'ry..." Moaned a highly inebriated Sid. He fell onto the couch besides Tatsu, one heavily muscled arm covering his face. "Have a good time?" Tatsu smiled, ignoring Rael's mutter of "She must be high..." Sid groaned, "I d'n't care if you ever get drunk, but for the love of Dosei, stay drunk so you don't get sick all in the halls."

Rael twitched his nose, "Thanks for the mental image." Tatsu laughed, before a light went off in he head, "Wait, did you just throw up in my halls?!"

"QUIET!"

The door slammed open again, or opened normally, it was never actually opened normally and quietly like everywhere else. "MAI~IL!" Aina sang, grinning like a maniac. Maradar and Rune followed behind, Rune holding quite a large box and Maradar being stoic as usual. Tatsu shrank away, "Don't hurt me..." The smile never left Aina's face as she handed a pile to the younger girl, "For you!" Tatsu brightened, "Really!?" She looked down and Rael watched as the smile froze on her face. "Bills...?" Aina cackled like a madwoman.

"Don't complain." Rune muttered, taking a seat at the glass table in the middle of the room, the computer, for once, absent. "You could be doing cards.... Aina-"

"No."

"How the hell do I get bills?!"

"If you all don't shut up--!"

Maradar sighed and looked out the window.

"WHO THE HELL TANGLES THESE!?"

Mad laughter filled the room. Rael's face darkened, "I'm going to kill her.."*

Another door then decided to materialize; and Eele stepped in, her usually calm and sweet exterior replaced by annoyance and mild anger.

"Karen's hanging mistletoe everywhere!** She's even putting it up in the bathroom! Someone get her to STOP! Oh Rune you're starting on the cards! Oh and Aina have you decided on a dress yet?"

"Dress?" Aina looked baffled. "What for?"

"Why, to meet Daddy of course!"

"DADDY?!" Aina screeched, Maradar snapped back to attention, "WHAT?!"

Rune blanched. Maradar's eyes dilated, "A father-in-law?"

"In-laws?! In-laws?! Since when do I have in-laws!?"

"Since you decided to marry Rune!"

"But he told me his father was dead!"

"Rune!" Eele turned to her older brother. Rune looked sullen, "He may as well be..." He muttered. "FOR THE LOVE OF VESTA SHUT UP!" Sid roared.

"TATSU! YOUR DAMN LIGHTS AREN'T WORKING!" Tatsu looked ready to cry, "How does someone in a floating lookout with it's own dimension get BILLS?"

"How don't you?"

"And why the hell did I owe $2000 dollars to the Salvation Army?!"

"WHAT?!" All eyes snapped to her. "Who gave Deirdre my bank account number?!"

"That's WRONG!" Maradar swept over to Tatsu and plucked the paper out of her hands. "I never gave them a cent!"

"YOU did this!?" Tatsu shrieked, a deadly glint in her eyes. "NO!" Maradar crunched up the paper. "It was that damn Santa Claus!"

Rael eyed him carefully, "Have you been overworking yourself bud?"

"Rune! You said your father was DEAD!"

"&#(& SHUT &(&*#($ UP!"

"I HATE CHRISTMAS SHOPPING!" The door opened again revealing Rune and Eele's oldest sibling, "Rune! Do your own damn shopping next time!"

"I'm doing the cards! Why do we have to get one for Deirdre anyway?"

"She's a witch! I hate her!" Aina snarled, thinking of the overly perfect, deceitful and just generally annoying female elf. "Aina....! Good job!" Eele beamed. "EELE!" Aurek scolded his little sister. "Well she is!"

"She's a bloody Mary Sue and SHE'S EATING INTO MY SAVINGS!" Tatsu screeched again and threw a wad of bills to the floor. "Yer the one who created her." Sid muttered, attempting to smother himself with the couch pillow.

"She's an elf, what the devil does she need with a-- Maybe 3 player?"

"Mp3 player." Tatsu corrected, "And what the hell?!"

"Eele, you're not supposed to open that!" Eele had opened up the box and was examining the electronic. She pushed some buttons and waited. "It's not working!"

"It need BATTERIES Eele dear."

"Batteries? Batteries? It didn't COME with batteries!" She shook the box for emphasis.

"Well duh, the box says 'batteries not included'." Tatsu pointed out.

Eele's eye twitched, "Who was the idiot who decided upon THAT?"

"Apparently the same one who made THESE DAMN LIGHTS!" Rael screeched, "Now why the **** are they blinking?!"

"I don't even KNOW these people!" Rune exclaimed. "Maybe if you had paid more attention at parties like you are supposed to..." Aurek muttered. "WILL YOU ALL JUST SHUT UP!?" Rael finally snapped. "What's wrong Rael? Lights too smart for you?" Aina asked nastily. "You witch!" The wad of lights sailed, narrowly missing the blonde and smacked onto the door. "IF YOU BREAK THOSE YOU ARE SO DEAD!" The door cracked open, "Huh, I thought I heard yelling..."

"Mir'r! Get me a beer PLEASE!" The Odessian blinked at him, "I think you've had quite enough Sid."

"Mir'r! I have IN-LAWS!"

"What do you mean you have?" Maradar snapped irritably at his cousin. Aurek just started to grin merrily, "Doesn't everyone just love Christmas?"

"NO!" Was the unanimous reply. "They show the same old shit on the TV every year." Rael said sulkily, walking over and grabbing the lights. He shoved the plug in viscously as Tatsu continued to switch between sobbing over bills and yelling at Maradar, the older man responding by screaming about in-laws and charities; and the three elven siblings complaining about cards, Deirdre, Christmas, Deirdre, batteries and Deirdre. With his finger he flicked one of the more stubborn bulbs: the one that had been replaced a million times but had refused to do anything. Now it did something.

There was a 'pop!' a crackle, and then the lights went out. Someone screamed. "Ah f- SOMEONE GET A LIGHT! I KILLED THE FUSE!"

"Rael you're such a dumbass!"

"I cannot do this! That's it! We're just not sending them this year!"

"HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THESE DAMN BILLS WITH THE LIGHTS OUT?!"

"Fine! FINE!" Rael flipped. He stood up with the unhooked lights and threw them at the couch where Sid was laying and grumbling to Mir'r. "HEY! WATCH WHERE THE *^))* YOU &^$%( TOSS THOSE THINGS!"

"YOU! IF YOU ALL THINK YOU'RE SO GREAT, YOU RIG UP THESE LIGHTS!"

"Gods, I feel bad for the people who get YOU for their in-law--poor Fuei too."

"WITCH DIE!"

"You keep your hands OFF MY COUSIN!"

"Rael! That's my fiancé you're trying to kill!"

"Hey! No killing each other!"

"It sure isn't stopping you!" Maradar hissed to their 'creator'. "Now wait one second-!"

"You're going to kill someone!?" Eele and her brothers looked horrified, although of course no one could see their faces.

*Crash!*

"Ah hell! What was that?!"

"Somebody had better move their hand if they want to live!"

"Isn't Christmas wonderful?" Mir'r asked dryly. No one bothered answering.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Her, meaning Karen/Konaftro, the resident goddess of troublemaking--

**And matchmaking.