Caged Eyes

“I want you to do something for me, Den.

A man and a woman lay sprawled, naked, across an old hotel mattress, the stained sheets twined around their legs. The room was damp and cheerless; they had rented it from a roadside motel, the name of which neither of them could remember. It probably had the word ‘comfort’ in it. The air smelled faintly of cigarettes and mildew, almost masked by the too-sweet scent of lemons. The walls were sweating. It was the woman who spoke, her voice jarring and harsh, and somehow empty. The only lamp in the room was on the far side of her, and shadows from the failing bulb obscured her face. The man lay without moving, unaware that she had spoken. He was watching her. She rested her head on one bent arm, fingers curling unconsciously into a small fist. She had dark eyes that moved constantly, like something caged. Her face was a flawless, sallow mask, but he could lose himself in her eyes. He had first seen her three week ago today.

She was standing with her back to him, one hand curled into a fist and pressed into her hip. With her other hand she gestured emphatically, the thin white fingers tracing a strange, elaborate pattern in the air. She was speaking to a man that looked to be about her age, with a wide, ruddy face and a slightly weak chin. The woman grew shriller, leaning forward to slam one fist into the table at which the man was seated, before spinning away from him.

She walked towards the little coffee shop counter, towards Daniel, her eyes smoldering. “Coffee. Black. That’s all.” Daniel realized that he had been gripping the hem of his shirt as she approached, and forced himself to uncurl his hands. They didn’t shake as he poured her coffee, but he was having trouble focusing. The little coffee shop blurred and faded around him, but the woman remained sharply in focus. She was not beautiful, but she was magnetic. Her fingernails were painted the dull orange of hot metal. She shifted her weight from one foot to the other as she waited, a soft, silky rustle. The man muttered something to her under his breath, and she spat something back angrily. Den wasn’t listening.

When he handed her the coffee, she peeled a few dollars out of her wallet and began to walk back towards the man. He smirked at her, and she responded by whirling around and pushing her way behind the coffee shop counter. Leaning against a display of coffee mugs, she dragged Daniel towards her, and kissed him triumphantly, almost violently. Her nails were pressed against his neck, almost to the point of discomfort, and she smelled of cinnamon. Her gaze never left the man at the table, even when a mug shattered on the floor beneath them with a sharp noise. She left without another word, dropping a few crisp bills on the counter to pay for the mug. She left the scent of spices lingering in the air behind her.

Daniel was brought back to the present by the sudden touch of her hand against his face. She spoke again, turning his head towards her.

“Den, I said I need you to do something. For me. It’s very important.”

“Yeah, and you can do something for me too, cutie,” Daniel leered, pulling her towards him. He nibbled the soft skin of her neck, then broke off when he felt her small hands, pushing him away. “What is it?” He felt a sudden, sick fear. His mind immediately spat a dozen possibilities at him.

It was a mistake. I know your boss, so how about a little donation to keep me quiet, eh, Den? I’m not on birth control. I’m married. Nothing helps an incurable STD like spreading it around. I don’t look sixteen, do I?

Jesus, he told himself. Daniel, you’re an idiot.

“Is something wrong?” he asked finally, when she didn’t answer.

“No. Everything is right.”

“Then what is it?”

He was watching her lips when she answered, wondering what on earth compelled him to follow her to this sleazebag hotel, to have very unprotected sex on this damp, sagging mattress. He was fidgeting, getting a little panicky, and he didn’t hear her answer.

“I want you to kill someone.”

About a week later she had come again to the little coffee shop again, this time without the man. Daniel didn’t recognize her at first, his eyes sliding over her as they did over every other customer. When he did realize who she was, he only wondered vaguely why he had thought her so attractive. As she walked towards him, however, he began to be strangely drawn to her again. He wondered if she would make any mention of their kiss the day before. He wondered if it meant anything that she was alone today. His breathing grew irregular as she approached, and he felt himself growing a little lightheaded. Determined not to let on that anything was wrong, he faced her squarely as he asked for her order. She ran a small red tongue over her teeth, then ordered coffee and a bagel.

Her voice was completely steady, and her eyes gave away nothing. She might never have seen him before, and he felt sick at the thought. Notice me, please, he found himself pleading silently. He felt foolish, suddenly, but it didn’t stop the fierce, silent entreaty.

Finally, just as she was turning to leave, she asked him if she might not also get one of the mugs on the rack behind him. A wave of relief swept of Daniel, and he handed her one and rung it up. Feeling oddly shy and unsteady, he me her eyes. A disturbing little half-smile clung to her lips. “Lovely little things, aren’t they?” she asked, waving the coffee mug at him. He felt his throat tighten.

“You want what?”

“I want you to kill someone. Do it for me, Den. Because you love me. Please.” She looked at him desperately, her dark eyes moving more feverishly than ever. She was gripping one small, pale hand with the other.

“I don’t even know what the hell you’re talking about. How could you want me to kill someone? Who could you want dead?”

“It’s completely my choice.”

“How is someone’s life your choice? I don’t even know what you’re talking about. I don’t understand at all. You’re joking.”

“No. I want you to kill someone for me. Don’t worry about blame… I’ll take it all. That’s not the problem. I would do it myself, but…” she trailed off, biting her lip.

“That’s crazy. That’s fucking nuts. This was fun, but you had to go and ruin it with your sick joke.” Daniel rolled over so that his back was to her, trying to untangle his legs from the sheets. He paused, and then was completely astounded to hear himself say, “Why can’t you do it yourself?”

“Because I’m afraid.”

“God, I should hope so! Commit murder. You’re insane. Or is that all this is? You wanted some fall-boy to get rid of an old lover, or something?” He watched her coldly. Her eyes were wide, and a little bloodshot.

“No. It’s not that kind of thing at all. You don’t understand.”

“Talk.”

“Let me tell you who I want you to kill.”

“I can’t believe I’m even listening to this. I’m the one who’s nuts.”

“Let me tell you.”

She came into the shop only once more. A week after her second visit she appeared, walking straight up to Daniel. She looked nervous, biting her lip as she stood in line. He hadn’t heard her enter, but looked around as soon as she neared him. As soon as he saw her, smelled spices, he knew that he was in love with her. A boyish, adoring love that he had never felt before. He was frightened of the power she had over him, and he was desperately, violently in love with her. When she reached the head of the line, she leaned forward to whisper in his ear, “Come with me tonight, Den.” It was the first time she had called him Den. “ Comfort Inn, room 17. Here’s the key. Please.”

Daniel stared at her, too stunned to be angry. He got up, kicking off the damp sheets, and began pulling his clothes on. When he was dressed he threw her clothes at her, still unable to speak. He pressed his forehead against the wall, trying to ignore the soft sounds of her getting dressed. Finally, once they were both clothed, he turned to her again. She waited patiently, but he noticed that she was biting her bottom lip again, and tapping one foot very softly. He took a deep, careful breath. “What did you say?”

“I want you to kill me.” She spoke very matter-of-factly, tilting her head slightly to one side. Her face gleamed with sweat. “Like I said, I’ll take full responsibility. People won’t even know it was you.”

“You are insane. I should have known it.” He drew back from her, reaching out with one arm is if to push her away. “I should have known it from the first moment I saw you.”

“If you had the slightest spark of human decency in you, you would do it.” She reached into her purse and drew out a small handgun, holding it out. The handle was pointed towards him. He took it without thinking, before immediately dropping it in disgust. He loved her, he hated her. He had no idea who she was. She had just handed him a gun, and he had taken it. He rubbed his hand.

“I’m not going to kill you.”

“Think of it this way. It’s never going to get any better than it is now, than the past few hours. My last week was well spent, ever second of it. C’mon, Den.”

Daniel felt sick and dizzy, his mind spinning. He looked up at her, into dark eyes he could lose himself in, and realized he was holding the gun again. “I can’t do it. You do it, if you want to die so badly.”

“I told you. I’m afraid.”

She looked at him pleadingly, reaching forward to lay one pale hand on his. The physical contact was a mistake, though, and he seemed to shake himself out of his reverie. He looked revolted to see that he was still holding the gun. Throwing it down again he backed across the room, one hand thrown out behind him for balance. He was muttering to himself under his breath, looking at his feet, the ceiling, the walls, everything but her.

“Please, Den.” She called out. He stopped, looked up at her.

“What happened to you? Why the hell would you want to kill yourself?” he asked, swallowing.

"Nothing happened to me. There’s just not much left here, and I don’t want to die struggling for my last breath. I want this one thing to be under my control. I’ve done everything I care to. Now please come here.” She laid a hand on the clammy sheets, and he felt himself moving towards her. He tried one more time to look away, but she held his gaze. She was no longer pleading. Daniel felt himself moving in slow motion, a dull thudding in his ears drowning out every other sound, and eventually falling quiet. He was left in an utterly silent world. He felt her come to stand behind him, squeeze his hand with one of hers, excitedly, with a childlike anticipation in her eyes. Felt her kiss him again, hungrily. Tasted her salty blood, spilling from where she had bitten her lip. Watched her back away from him as his arm rose slowly. Saw her close her eyes, both small, pale hands balled into tight little fists. Felt his finger on the cool, metal trigger. Watched her fall.