Afraid to Care

I know you wouldn't care
if I left without a trace
I was never really there
I was always out of place

I had so many friends
but I wasn't there
I always wanted this all to end
because I was afraid to care

I wanted to care and be cared for
but everytime someone tried
I hurt more and more
I almost pushed them all aside

I was afraid, I was scared
I didn't want anything
but for them all, I always cared
Trying to forget what that'd bring

I thought if I gave
trust and friendship
Inward I would cave
and on reality I'd loose my grip

I didn't know I never had one
I thought that I had it all right
but my reality was long gone
I let everything go without a fight

No one ever understood
that I wanted to break free
to leave this world for good
I hate being me

But I fear here I am stuck
still afraid to be cared for
I'm here with my cursed heart and luck
I don't know why I bother anymore..