Coming Out Speech

Mum, dad. I’ve got something to tell you
You’d probably better sit down
You may not like it, but it’s who I am
And you’re going to have to deal with it
Mum, dad. I want to be a poet
I know I’ve got a degree
I know I could make a better living
In computers or accounting
I know that there’s only two good jobs for poets
In the entire country
And one of them’s Poet Laureate
And the other is being in dictionary corner on Countdown
And I’m rubbish at scrabble
But I just can’t get enthused
With the idea of making a reasonable wage
In administration
It just doesn’t strike me as terribly romantic
So there it is.
Sorry about that.
I suppose you’re kind of wishing I’d told you I was gay or something instead.