Reflections of a Replacement Wife

I loved him.

I cooked his breakfast, washed his clothes, looked after his children, prepared his dinner, waited for him to arrive from work, and made love to him at night.

I made a home for him.

For two years I did almost everything for him, but I never slept and woke beside him.

And now my sister is coming home. She must never know. I should leave.

It's been a little over two years since my sister left her husband and children for a job stint in Tokyo. When she received the offer for employment, she immediately grabbed the opportunity. My sister always wants to prove herself, never content with what she has. She is smart, beautiful and young. She has a wonderful husband -- a good provider --, and two very beautiful children. Life treats her kindly.

I am 16 years older than my sister, and so very different from her. I was never a good student. I never earned a bachelor's degree. I look plain and simple. I am a homebody, and known as the best cook in the clan. I am still single. Does life treat me the way it does my sister? Yes, I would like to think so. But I would not deny that I greatly desire the things and the people my sister had.

When my sister left for Tokyo, I came to her house to look after her children. They haven't started school yet, so you see, someone had to stay with them. My sister's husband was only home to eat dinner, sleep and have breakfast. Most of the time he is at work, or out playing golf.

For three months everything was perfectly fine. I was doing my job as a good sister, sister-in-law, and aunt. And then I felt something was amiss.

My brother-in-law kept coming home late, most of the time drunk, with a lipstick mark on his collar.

It was also the time when the phone rings and I answer, and the person at the other end of the line would not respond and then put the phone down. He had another.

I never asked him about it, never confronted him, for it was not my place to do so. Although I must admit I felt my heart break for my sister. But I do understand how he felt. I know he needed my sister, but she was half the world away. He needed someone. But that was no excuse.

It was a rainy night; the children were already in deep slumber. I had been reading a book to lull myself to sleep when I heard a car pull in the driveway. My brother-in-law came home at an ungodly hour, drunk as usual. I was amazed he even got home alive.

I helped him up to his room, assisted him to the bathroom as he threw up in the toilet. I gave him fresh clothes to wear then I went down to prepare him a cup of strong coffee. When I came back up he was already refreshed and seated on the edge of the bed.

Gently I settled the cup of coffee on the nightstand, and told him to I'll just be in my room, should he need anything else. He nodded without looking at me, and so I went back to my room and continued my reading.

It was a little before three in the morning when I heard a faint knock at my door. I put on my robe and opened the door to see my brother-in-law. And before I could ask him anything else, he pulled me into a deep kiss. I have never been kissed that way, never felt that way. I knew it was wrong, but I am only human. The feeling was so intense it got the best of me.

And for the first time in my 41 years, I gave myself to a man -- a man who was my sister's. And I felt neither guilt nor regret. I have satisfied needs - mine and that of my brother-in-law's. I know I should feel ashamed of what I did, but there was no trace of shame in my heart.

I woke up the next morning to find him already gone. I went on with my usual daily routines like nothing happened. When he came home that night, I endured longing glances from him as I prepared his dinner. I sat with him as he ate and talked about his day. I listened attentively, smiled and praised him for his achievements that day. He held my hand, and from then on, he held my heart. Since then, I stood-in for my sister's duty not only to her children, but to her husband as well.

That night, and for many other nights that followed, we lay exhausted but satisfied in each other's arms. But he had to go back to his own room before the dawn breaks. It did not matter if he loved me or not. What I know is that I loved him.

I found out of my sister's arrival the day before yesterday. Her contract is finished. I hope she is proud of what she had achieved with her career. She will be home on Tuesday. I am ready to give her family back to her. Even if she never knew I claimed them for myself for the past two years.

I loved him.

She is coming, and so I should leave.