My Life through My Eyes

When I look back on my life I can't believe how stupid and naïve I was. Sure, I was young, but I would think I would have more sense than I did, after all, I spent the better part of my childhood living in Brooklyn, NY, and that's not a nice place to grow up in. Though, in some ways some of the problems I have faced in the past four years of living outside of NY were caused by growing up where I did. I mean, you just can't live in Brooklyn and not develop street smarts or some form of defense against the intimidation, bulling, and horrors one would face.

I don't trust people. That was my defense. Well, it's actually more like I don't trust someone without good reason or unless they have earned my trust, which isn't an easy thing to do. Of course I wasn't always so wary, I used to trust people on site, like most kids but I grew up fast, most do in NY. You learn that people aren't all good and nice that that there are some people out there that take pleasure in hurting others. That's when you grow up and realize everything isn't all fun and games. I learned that at the tender age of five, which is a little sad considering most kids at that age still think that there is nothing wrong or evil in the world.

At the same time, being a little foreign girl that doesn't know English, you become dependent on the people around you to help you learn, and that is my greatest weakness. It caused me to be hurt constantly by those I depended on because they, in truth, were not trustworthy. I may have grown up at five, but I wasn't a fast learner, it took several years and many heartbreaks before I truly learned my lesson. People can't be trusted. Gradually, as I became older (but really, not old enough) I lost my faith in people and humanity in general.

When I moved to New Jersey in the middle of sixth grade to say my life turned upside down would be pretty accurate. All these people going out of there way to say hi to me and get to know me, that blew me away. They were all so different from what I was used to, nothing like what I expected any of them to be. But, of course, nothing good was ever meant to last. Things happened and I was once again left to realize that people are cruel and despicable. So I went through sixth grade without ever making a real friend, or so I thought. Middle school was much the same. I never thought I had true friends, just people I could sit with at lunch and talk to about mundane things. High school freshmen year I tried to make friends but I can honestly say I pushed people away more than I let them near. It was my automatic defense kicking in, I just was too afraid to let people close enough to hurt me, I had been hurt enough.

Though...there was one person I considered a real friend, someone I could talk to about anything. Ironically, it was that one friend who betrayed me in the worst way. It hurt worse than anything anyone had ever done or said to me, to be betrayed by the one I trusted. However, in some respects, if it wasn't for this treachery, I don't think I would be where I am now. That betrayal forced me to reconsider everything. It made me took at everything in my life with new eyes. I started to comprehend so many aspects of my life in ways that I never thought possible. Emily helped me understand more than anything. She, who had I hurt by betraying her years earlier, had reach out and lent me a helping hand, a shoulder to cry on, and showed me she cared, even after all the hurt I instigated. And I realized so much. Sure, life is hard and tough and not everyone is good but there are people who are caring and nice and who care about me.

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This was a paper I had to do for my lit class. It's an epiphany story, and yes, it is autobiographic. I like how it came out and I hope you liked it to. The best way to tell me is my reviewing (hint, hint).