This is what we call a stream-of-consciousness piece. This is the first time I have written in such a manner, and it is very likely I will never do so again. First person POV, all typos and random stuff is entirely intentional.

Paragraph break means a short time passes before the next burst, as she works.

The main character is about 16, female, nondescript.

Enjoy.

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Untitled, or Terror

By Windsong

***

I'm scared.

I can't stay silent, not about this, I know it is costing me but I have to talk about this. The teacher just called my house, and now I don't know what my mom's going to do to me, will she call my dadd? Will she tell? Will I bbe killed, beaten, hurt, yelled at, grounded, in what way will I be hurt this time? I dodon't like the not-knowing; that's the worst part. Once I know, I can deal with it. Once I know, it's in the past. I don't like it, when the future looms over me so, when I hav enough control, and it's not even the control as much as the fact that I don't like libving with an eye to the present, always to the ppresent, I don't like feeling fear roil darkly in my stomach, making my stomach walls churn and beat one another and making me feel nauseous. I don't like the panic that curls around my breatspone, that forces me to whisper and whimper and makes me want too hide. This, strong? I am wek, to respond so. But it is an instinctive reaction; I can't control the flight-or-fightt reaction any more than I can control the winds and weather. Despite the fact that I claim sometimes to have a deep kinship with the winds.

Oh, God, I'm scared! I think she'll tell; surely now she's thinking of some way to make me pay for my stupidity, to rub it in that I can't do anything about the fact that I've screwed up screwed up majorly this time, this time will it sink in? No, her mind whispers, she'll never learn, stupid child-because I am stupid, undoubatably stupid, unreasonably stupid, I hate my own idiocy which I can control but don't have enough willpower to. Oh, I'm getting better, there are times when I don't do something and I pride myself on the fact but still I'm just a lazy little spoiled brat wandering around and willfully destroying her life. And I'm doing math but it's not calming me down, I'm writing but that's not calming me down, I'm waiting for the axe to fall and maybe it won't fall? Too much to hope for-it will, this has happened too many times, she'll make it fall because it's for my own good and oh God, I'll die, I'm afraid, my dad laughed at as how, a bolt of fear went through my heart, maybe that will make mom get up with a look of sett determination on her face and tell him what happened, then he will come in and yell at me for one, two, three, hours, one, two, five days, one, two weeks? Maybe he will do that, or maybe he will beat me first, or maybe he will do nothing, but that's impossible, he always does something, o believer in great virtue. I cNo, stop laughing! No, don't tell! No, mom, come back! No, oh God, save me! Save me! I don't want to die, not on this night of all nights, I just wan tto sleep! Please, someone, help me! My cry for help will go unanswered, as it always does, but Oh, how I wish there was some way to escape my fate! Do my work…

Try to keep a bit of sanity, hold onto what I have, oh, God, what is she saying to him? Was it my won talking that set him off? What is going on? Why the silence? What is happening? Can I excape this night unscathed? Will she tell him now, tomorrow, never, as she has done the last two times to save my life? Will my life be spared now? No, surely he will come in and kill me!

Need to move-will I be able to, or will my parents pounce on me then? Will I gather the courage to try, or will my full bladder force me to? Or will I just sit here and quiver in terror? What do I do? What do I do? I can't cry, I'm too scared, can'tit'll give me away, don't know if he know, son't know if he knows that I know don't know what he knows don't know if he knows what I know what mom knows what the world will soon know don't know if he knows that I've been a badgirl lately don't know what he knows unknown entity like a tiger, the random factor waiting to strike, friend or foe, who can tell? Not enough data, oh, god, save me! I pray to god as fervently as I ever have when I'm in trouble, I'm sorry I nev pay attention to you but it's not for lack of trying it's for lack otf tieme and stupidly lack of belief and how can I ask something that I don't think exsists for help, I don't know but I'm asking, oh, God, protect me, watch over me!!

Safe for a while mom's giving him updatesw on other things, mundane things, savfe things-banks, houses, life, finances-not me don't breing up me in your simple discussion leave me out watch your shows and smile and laugh and ignore me forget me don't remember me let me go let me slip away unnoticed let him forget me uintil I can leave for good let him not know of the transgressions o fthe thigns that I have done, and what I Have failed to do-God again. Oh God, please guide their converaation with your own loving hand, let them not meintion me, let me sit here and not be disturbed, let me do my work in fear and peace….Back to work must look normal can't let him known that anything is wrong qquietet, be quiet, be studious, studious is good, keeping up appearances, let them think me a good child, I am, I am! I can prove it to them, they don't need to hurt me as long as I do my math it's all right I'm doing what I'm supposed to do

They came in I couldn't help but flinch God, I think my dad snapped his jaws a sign of surefire anger did she tell? Did she tell? Did she tell? He walked away they're gone again did they leave me alone, are they ggathering their troops and planning so that they can come back full force to destroy me? Did she tell? Does he know? Does he know? Does he does he I don't know the not knowing is the worst I can't stand this! Oh God! Just spare me!

Find solace in music, safe, refuge, but I can't concentrate music is actually distance, close, yet far, it is not tangible, it cannot save me from the pain that will soon encase me-oh, God, a door opened, ominous portents, are they coming for me? Will they swoop down to destroy me, as they have done over and oever, am I safe or am I dead, just let me know! Don't leave me here to feel that I am safe and then when I relax attack, tell me know when I can xpect it, don't let me sit here like a tensed up string waaiting for the aaxe to fall, just let it, don't make me be tense for days and days, I won't sleep or eat or work properly, I'll just sit here in fear, I'll just be paralyzed, like a rabbit when scenting danger, but for days and days on end? The rabbit will go mad, will die-but I have more mind than a rabbit, I don't, mjust hold in the screaming insanity that ever now grows in me as I wait and wait and wait AND WAIT AND WAIT

Headache setting in, no, headaches last for hours and never leave me alone, headaches mean that I can' concentrate even less, no, no, not now, please, have to smile, smile so that when he comes by he thinks that I am safe, he won't attack me, he won't hurt me, just-delay it a bit longer, please please let me just finish and run to my bed, but he can find me even there, nowhere to hide, he can always find me, headache, go away, come again another day, Ic an't have you, nonononononononono I know what an animal in a cage feels like, waiting day after day for his indeterminate future, for I am one of them

Breathe breathe breathe my throat's restricting now moving into the later stages of the reaction no, this is bad, this means it's settling in for the long term, I'll never feel right for days after this but mayb eI'm safe? I can't tell I don't' know, hurry up and finish! Finish so you can be safe!

Oh god this is draining me of energy must sleep must finish must sleep must finish nononoI can finish this later I can finish this when I'm safe I can let me run now while I still have a chance

Pack up and run

God watch over me

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That's it. Please review. I am looking forward to your responses. Two things I especially need feedback on: the overall feel of the piece, the emotional response it elicted from you; also, if the typos made it too hard to read. If so, I will edit the typos. But if they did not, I will leave the typos in.

-Windsong {}