She stared out her bedroom window, cold air rushing in. She didn't feel the cold, nor did she see the view before her. The world seemed as cold and dead as she felt. She gazed into the frozen darknes, thinking. She was eighteen, she'd just completed her first semester in college, with fair good grades. In a few days it would be Christmas and in May she would be participating in her elder sister's wedding. She was having such a lovely year.

She told herself all of this. Yet, when her mother came to get her for dinner, she was gone. All that was left was an empty, frozen room with a song playing over and over on the CD player.

"Don't close your eyes, don't turn out the lights, I can stop the pain if I will it all away."

Her family was shocked. Their happy, content, strong daughter had left. Just like that. No note. No call. She din't even seem to have packed, all she took was her liscence and a picture of her family. All else was left undisturbed by her abrupt disappearance.

Why? Why would she leave? She was so happy. She had a great future, studying to becoma a physical therapist. They had all told her how wonderful her life was. She had always been such a wonderful child, a regular goody goody: never got into fights at school, got food grades, got praises at work, always obeyed her parents (though with a sigh at times), and was always so polite. Sure she wasn't pergect, indeed she was very passionate and stubborn, and had a but of a temper she kept firmly in check. But still, she was gone.

Over time they recieved a check in the mail. In it was enough to pay back her school loans which would have been a problem soon. And now it was fixed leaving no burden nor no trace of their second child.

It nearly drove her mother to depression. Fist she was full of grief, then anger, now all she felt was pain and a but of betrayal. She read and rearead her daughter's poems. She poundred over the Day. She played the Song over and over, but she still didn't know why her child had left. The least she wanted was an explenation. Had been blind? Had her daughter been in pain and she'd not seen it? But, they were always so open, it didn't make sense. Was she a bad mother? Or, had she raised a bad child, who'd run away from her family, selfishly ignoring their feelings without a word to explain or a call to let them know she was alive? Why?

The rest of the family morned and went on, her sister married. Her father worked. Her brother toiled away at school. And her room remained empty.

Far away a young woman sat on a holl, staring at the stars. She remebered a night, a night that seemed so long ago. She had stared out a window on a frozen night and made a choice. A choice that had led her far from the familiar. She remembered her thought that night, standing in that dark room.

*Eighteen years and you still don't know me*

*Always saing I'm an adult, but still treating me like a child*

*Don't wear that, don't cut your hair that's not the way WE like it, don't, don't, don't*

*Always your opinions, everything your way, I had pondered saying no, but it always made me feel regret. Well, I'm tired of concessions, intrusions, and restraints. I can't stay here and grow up, I won't become me. I love you all, and I know you love me but your love is suffocating me.*

*I don't want to hurt you, I know I'll regret it, but I already have regrets that are driving me to madness. I can't just settler or just deal anymore. One more regret, one more sacrifice*

* "I can stop the pain if I will it all away" *

She sighed and got up. Maybe someday they'd undersatnd. Perhaps when she did. All she knows is she did what she had to and now she was free. Independant and all grown up. But she coldn't go back, not yet. She was no longer frozen but she still felt the pain that had made her leave.

* "Forsaking all I've fallen for" *

*Perhaps I'll find my way, following the stars. All I know is I can't just will the pain away, and that's why I couldn't stay.*

~*finis*~

A/N: The quotes are from a song by Evanescence: Whisper