I can't do this anymore

I want to fall, slowly fall as far as I can

As long as it's somewhere else

As long as I'm falling away from here

I want my soul to drift

And go anywhere without reminder

Just for a while, just for a while

As long as I fly away from here

My soul would be genderless

Immortal and nonetheless free

I'd change form and just get away

As long as I'd get away from here

My life would be paused for now

Until I'm ready to face it again

Time would stand still for me alone

As long as time would take me away

I want my own reality to take over

To live in fantasy until I'm ready to be real

To love the non-existent until I'm fearless

As long as the non-existent love me

No one would ever know time had stopped

It would be so beautiful

To keep that moment for myself

As long as that moment was mine

I'd be as spiritual as one could be

I'd be a spirit without the burden of shame

I wouldn't have to search for what was there

As long as there wasn't here

For my body to be still for a while

As my soul took flight into realms unseen

The world would freeze and pain would pause

As long as the pain would be gone

In time I'd still have to go back

Back to school, to him, to life

And I'd cry a thousand tears, a lake of memoir

As long as that lake was far from here