Virtual Love -- Midnight-6am; Aug. 18, 2003

You were always there when I needed you most

Lovingly warm beyond the glow of my computer screen

You raised my soul with your heavenly host

Just as you razed it with eyes so green.

Conference closed.

Block user.

Virtual means being present in effect

If not in fact;

Yet a place in my heart, a hollow forever set,

You didn’t leave a pit, a stain on my life:

You made an impact.

Changed me, made me stronger,

Better than I was before--like the hardships

Trials and tribulations to help me in this strife.

Music heard of high--hauntingly beautiful

But now all I hear is static--white noise

Trying to find why I’m so manic--depressant

Maybe I stand too much as a romantic

--Aortal leaking.

A bleeding heart.

Don’t wanna start. (I’m such a sap)

Maybe I cared too much, thought too much

But games were played and mistakes were made

Now my head reels like a finger on the glass

--tap tap, tap tap.

Why can’t I just let go?

Thinking all the time of her.

Her face, her voice, her Self,

Her handle on the screen that I try to avoid.

No communicae ever again?

Unloved, loved less. Earthy Amber shrouded by Green

To protect what was then mine all along.

If I could play a fair baseline I’d call this a song

But I can’t do that.

I tripped, slipped, stumbled and fell

Broken and bleeding in a fetal shell

With thine Lance of Longinus piercing me deep

Nary an angel with shattered wings nor Angelic

In the unbeknownst pain I did bring

Forgiveness doesn’t come cheap

But by the Creator were you surely effect

Changing my life so much with a heart’s beat

Each foot’s step.

Knowing that my heart yearns and burns

It burns virtually, wholly, pain overwhelms

But even as I ponder how you fare now

While trying to let you go,

I know, I would lick the mud from your toes

To see you smile again (no; once)

But even so as I make a pathetic spectacle,

Nothing can make me want to even exchange my years

with you in my life

Wondering what it could be like with you as my wife.

And nothing nor not one Man can take that

Away from me.

Virtual reality exists tangible in lies and spin

everywhere around us.

But you, my dear reverie, felt more real than

Forged steel piercing skin.

More real than such love I’d never had as yours.

Yet alas, I’ve seemed downed by a great metaphorical bus,

Greyhound draining me from my very pores,

My heart bared and ajarred like open doors,

And the sun beats me down

Into the ground

Sun in my ears; can hear no sound

Take a step back and look around

See what is there, too overlooked to be found

Too much thought and Forsaken for this bane.

Upon both hearts wounds have been lain

But I dost not point blame for it only can be

virtually sound, barely true

For my shattered heart no longer needs mean a thing

to you

--Anymore.

~Phoenix Moone