It was way past midnight but neither of us had noticed. My mind was still firing; a hundred rounds a second and I couldn’t bear to close my eyes. All I could do was look at you, keep looking at you as you spoke, watching your lips form words, watching your eyes dart about the room nervously. There was a wealth of pain in every movement you made and I did my best to ignore it, if I looked at you too closely, I was afraid I’d go blind. I couldn’t hear half of what you were saying; it hurt too much to listen to the words. The words that defined us, the words that characterised our entire universe. I didn’t want to listen.

I shuddered softly as you reached out to touch me; I wasn’t expecting the skin on skin contact. I wasn’t expecting anything from you. The soft caress of your hand upon my cheek was almost unbearable, with everything you had said, how could you stand to touch me? You were trying to talk to me, trying to formulate thought and words but I could tell they were absent from you as much as from me. I’m sure I was wearing that blank look you hate, the one I use when you start talking about work or sport or something. You were wearing the look I hate, I had only ever seen it once before and that was enough yet now you wore it as if it were fashionable again.

Heartache, pain and sadness encapsulated in your perfect brown eyes.

I didn’t have anything else to say, I didn’t have anything to say at all. Your attempts to speak were driving me mad and I had to look away, turn and face the wall as if I were a naughty child at school.

Your hand on my shoulder.

I turn around to face you though not by my own choice. Tears stream down my face silently, your eyes flash with concern as you wipe them away. The room is charged with the stillness of our bodies, the silence of our lips, the nothing between us. I want to sob uncontrollably, I want you to pull me close and kiss away my tears, I want you to take back everything you just uttered in this tiny room. You hold my head in your hands and softly kiss my forehead, I breathe in at the touch of your lips on my skin, dry and smooth. I try to speak; try to say anything but my vocal cords are sealed shut with grief. You brush a thumb under my eye, the moisture glistening in the low lights; in the past you would’ve tasted it, swallowing my tears to kill them away. Now, you ignore it, you kiss me once more and turn your back on me.

Walking away.

You close the door quietly behind you. I stand there, rooted to the spot, unable to move, breathe, speak, cry. You never even said goodbye. Or maybe you did, I just never heard it.