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FROM TWO UNIVERSES
Chapter Six
STRESS BALL!! NOW!!
So since Slut the Mom – oops, I mean Mom, was staying with her equally-as-deluded mother for the weekend Matt and Jake, in grand tradition, decided to have an extremely extravagant and loud house-welcoming party. And by house-welcoming, I mean the fact that Jake was moving into our place, which would probably mean open invites. Heh.
Whatever.
Seriously though, their parties are just another excuse for wasted, lonely, doped-up and hopeful junkies who want to score another high and – oh! – maybe they might score with the ladies tonight as well.
It’s like another drinking slash boink-fest or a convention…for drink addicts anonymous. I snorted at that thought.
Hi. My name is Elizabeth and I’m an... (insert here a fake sob) alcholic. It’s been four painful, long years. I would sob hysterically. Anyone got a damn Kleenex?? I need my mother!
Gasps and hushed whisperings all around. Welcome, welcome! Come join us. You’re one of us now…
No! And that’s not all! I’m a sex addict as well…
And there it is, the penny drops as all around: stunned silence ensues.
Hunh. Not that these open house parties are like that at all. Nope. You’ve got the alcoholics and the libido of hormonal teens on overdrive, just no intervention of that of the so-called alcoholics – and maybe, even sexaholics – anonymous. Sad. So incredibly freaking sad.
I suppose everyone’s going to end up with some ‘bong’ tonight, whether that may be some smoking pot or some smoking breasts. Take your pick, boys. Ha.
Ass slaps, high fives and beer toasts all around gentlemen, for getting laid with some wasted chick who might in all retrospect be completely sober and well aware of the molestation of her body.
Yep, to me, noone’s a victim here. If you so much as dare to come to one of Jake and Matt’s infamous open house parties, you might as well say goodbye to your virginity (considering that you were still a virgin, which in most cases would not a be affirmative) and your lungs.
I, of course, am an exception. I’ve been (luckily) locked up in my room with the spare tv, some dvds and plenty of food for the night and day after. Matt had pretty much demanded I stay put and frankly, I’m happier that way.
I don’t need to have my eyes scarred from the mass orgy taking part downstairs. And those idiots say they’re having a good time. Like they’ll remember it in the morning. Ha. I’m sure watching mushy teen flicks until their peanut-sized brains turn into limp vegetables could be considered fun as well. I mean, I would find that fun.
Maybe you’ve noticed by now that I’m a tad bitter. Ha. Yeh. Bitter over the fact that Jake has now officially made his presence in my residence (hee, that rhymed) rather sound.
Jake once told me that a party is only successful by the standards of how much grog was drunk; how many randoms hooked up; how many randoms passed out and stayed the night; and lastly, and personally my favourite, how many pieces of under garment and/or condoms are left lying around.
Whoop.
I must congratulate on the majority of these partay-goers that they have enough sense to wear protection. Kudos kiddies. Must be rather hard to slip on some rubber latex, whilst being seemingly half-dead on your ass, in a freaking dark room. But you did it. Well, hopefully you did it. We don’t need anymore teenage moms. Like my one. Eurgh.
Puh-leese. Despite my utter disbelief and disgust in the human race, I know well enough that we’re not that incredibly doomed.
I turned on the TV and slipped in When Harry met Sally. Ahhh…I love the underlying sexual tension between Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan. God, she looks so young and Botox-free.
Yeah, that’s pretty much how my night went. Developing a slight spasm in my left thigh due to the inactivity of the lump I call a body; having to reach ever so painfully for the DVD player and controlling the buttons with my ever-nimble toes; spilling buttered popcorn all over my front shirt and having to eat off of it; and lastly, mentally struggling with the inner debate of how to get off the sofa and over to my mini fridge.
Ahhh, the bum’s life. How we love it.
No wonder I get heart burn when I have to run in PE. Evil, same-sex orientated she-bulls. So I can’t throw a ball. Does that mean I have some sort of mental defect? God. It doesn’t take a genius…oh, shit. I just insulted myself.
So it’s goddamned hard to throw a ball. Ok? Yes. It is.
I heard a slight knock on my door and frustrated, from being interrupted during a very important scene of Clueless, I angrily spat out.
“THIS ROOM IS TAKEN ASSHOLES. Go and try having sex outside. I heard, grassy lawn burn is a hell of a lot better than carpet burn.”
“Liz, shut up. It’s Jake.”
I actually did drop my popcorn then. Great. I’d rather face two drunk-off-their-asses, hormonally-driven teens then have to face him. Eurgh. But then, what’s to stop me from not opening my door for him.
Abso-freaking-lutely nothing. So I don’t.
I picked up my popcorn and continued watching Clueless. Oh, how I love mindless teen movies.
To my utter frustration though, half of Alicia Silverstone’s – fundamental – inner monologue was disrupted and pretty much blocked out by Jake’s incessant banging on my door. Gah. There was no point. He was going to continue doing so, making as much noise as he could until he got what he wanted. Spoilt asshole.
I sighed, and with my big toe, paused the scene where Cher and Josh were watching the news together after her epiphany about her feelings towards Josh. Aww, how sweet…
BANG on the door. Christ, I just want to be a hopeless romantic for one night, is that so wrong, Jake, you jackass?
I slowly hauled my ass off and looked behind and could actually start to see a distinct ass groove. YES! All my lounging had finally paid off…Ahh, discomfort, no more!
I smiled contently at my good work and was suddenly broken out of my reverie by Jake’s incessant pounding on my rather fragile wooden door. Ugh. He just could not stop could he?
I grunted and quickly unlocked the door, shutting my eyes as quickly as I could, seeing as how I expected him to have at least two girls gnawing at his arms right about now.
He grunted and muttered, “About damn time. Open your eyes, you twit. I don’t have any girls on my arms tonight, regretfully.”
I hesitantly opened one eye, and with my oh-so-accurate, one-eyed tunnel and peripheral visions, I sighed in relief and opened both eyes.
And was met with an intense and calculating look.
“You know, you’re some kind of freaky, right?”
“Whatever, Jake. What do you –”
And at that precise moment, a bunch of pissed – not the term of anger, but more like when you’re drunk-off-your-face – loadies came bounding past, pushing Jake to the door frame and started screaming obscenities and wolf whistling and hooting.
Oohh. They actually thought that…ha…me and Jake? Hahaha. That’s truly classic, I tell you. If not insulting.
I quickly glanced up at all the bam wam faces right up in front of me, let out a small squeak and, well, I suppose the fear in my eyes said it all. At least, I hope they did. I’ve been practicing my eye expressions.
Those junkies were actually about to come crashing through my room, for which I was really scared about. Oh NO! Don’t come near me you drunk dickheads. Jake, sensing my fear, or whatever – he’s not blind, can you believe it? – managed to push and shove all those laughing idiots out of my door frame.
I slowly let out a breath of relief. Oh God. How positively frightening. I do not want another repeat of that. Images of half-naked guys running around was enough to turn me off the male species for good.
I looked up and let out a shaky laugh, and soon after when Jake got over his intial grunting and yelling at those guys, chuckled as well. He shook his head and scratched the back of his neck and asked if I could move out of the way.
Huh?
“Why?”
He rolled his eyes at me. Hey! Don’t be calling me stupid anytime soon. “So I can get into your room, before another bunch of guys run through here again and they will since I won’t move and let you close your door until you let me in.”
And with that threatening thought, I quickly moved out of the way, ushered Jake inside and locked my door behind me.
No, nothing kinky is going to go down tonight. I’d die before I ever let that happen. Geez. But, I’m just as confused as everyone else is as to why Jake, the guy known to be the life of any party, was here, hiding out in my room instead, away from all the sexual and drunken shenanigans partaking downstairs. I’m sure, even without Becky, Jake would be able to find more than a few willing ladies for some one night stands.
Hunh. I suppose the confusion on my face spoke for itself, since Jake rushedly said “I’m just a little tired. And Becky’s been hunting me down all night. I would go back to my room, but let’s just say it’s currently occupied. Unless, you know, you’re into that whole kinky threesome business.”
And here he decided to ‘wriggle’ his eyebrows in that ‘oh-so-sexy and suggestive’ way. PFFT. Looks like he’s having some spaz attack. How frightening. I grunted and ignored the sexual innuendo and asked him, “Oh…didn’t you lock it up?”
“Nah…the lock’s broken. So do you mind me crashing here for a while? Or are your virgin eyes going to be too scarred from looking at hot me all night. Or is my equally-as-hot presence going to be bothering you?”
Eurgh. There. The arrogance. Back again. Full blast. I was mildly surprised though. I had never seen Jake so civil and willing to be anywhere within the same room as me. He must be really tired. That, or he was semi-drunk. I couldn’t exactly say he was drunk yet, since his speech wasn’t slurred, he didn’t smell too much of alchohol – no, I didn’t smell him, I just caught a whiff when he walked past – and his eyes weren’t so red and droopy. Not that much, anyway.
I felt a pang of sympathy. I mean, he really did look tired, and I’ve seen or at least heard how messed up and crazy these parties can get. But then again, I didn’t exactly want him anywhere near me. Nor did he deserve the comfort of this solace when it was actually his idea to have an open house party.
“You know what Liz? Pass me the popcorn, I may as well do something while you have another internal argument on whether you should let me stay here. But I should warn you, no matter what, I’m staying put. I mean, face it, you wouldn’t be able to physically drag me out of this room. And I have a small certain feeling, that a part of you actually wants me here. Right?”
And then he winked at me. Eurgh. No, thankfully, not in his suggestive ways. But it was still as hideous.
I shuddered in disgust and decided that he was mostly right. He may as well take the sofa. Heh. He’ll definitely get cramps from that. Ha! Sucker.
I smiled contently at the thought.
Jake looked up at me and smirked. “Ahh, Lizzie, guess you couldn’t refuse me after all. Look at you. All happy and smiling about me staying here. Am I actually the first guy who’s been in your room, besides your brother?”
OH! The nerve of that asshole. Slightly miffed, if not insulted, I strode up to Jake, who was now lounging all over my nice bed, and grabbed him by the ear.
“OW!! What the fuck was that for, bitch!”
“That was for being an asshole! You can stay here, as long as you take the sofa. My bed’s just for me.”
He glared at me and started muttering under his breath. But I heard him anyway. He called me some psycho virgin bitch. So, in retaliation, I kicked him in the ass.
Ha.
He swiftly turned around and flicked my shin.
“If only you were that much more masculine. Then I wouldn’t have any fucking moral dilemma over hitting you.”
I smiled sweetly back at him. Truly, it’s times like this I really value being female.
He growled and then slightly pouted. Haha. What a big baby. Or maybe it was a frown? I wouldn’t know.
I got up and grabbed the remote and some more candy and drinks for me. Note, for me, and me only.
Jake protested, “What about me?”
I looked at him in my doe-deer eyes, “What about you, other than that you’re an asshole?”
He grunted once more, grabbed a Coke and settled in front, on the couch.
I sat up in bed, but goddamned, I still couldn’t see past his big fat head, being the size it is. Argh!
“OI! Down in front, asshole!”
“I’m already lying down, sweetums.”
Grr. I really just wanted to strangle him. Why the hell did I even let him in, in the first place?
Oh yeah, those drunkheads. I shuddered at the mere thought of them anywhere within the vicinity of my room. Heck, even Jake is ten times better than them. Okay, maybe only three times better. Nah, that’s too generous. Like one and a half times better. Yeah…
“So…Clueless, huh? This movie’s actually cute.”
I breathed in heavily, trying to count calmly to 10. I knew he was doing this all on purpose. And I really just wanted to see the ending!
I muttered a quick, “Fine, but you go anywhere near me, and I’ll seriously go kung-fu on you.”
Jake snorted and looked pointedly at me. Ok, so maybe we both know I can’t physically hurt a mouse, let alone him. I mean, that’s why he’s still here right? So what!
He then smirked at me and flopped onto my bed. Eurgh! I could actually feel my entire body just sink along with my mattress, from his exertion of force. Man, at this rate, my bed’s going to sink lower and lower throughout the entire night. Ahh, God help me.
I sniffled disdainfully at him, inched a hell of a lot closer to my side dresser, and a hell of a lot further away from him.
He just stared at me, still smirking.
I glared and muttered, “Comfortable yet? Or do I need to fluff up your pillows?”
“Oh, could you? That’d be better for my back. Thanks, you’re such a doll!”
ARGH! He was driving me insane! And now? In like, the early hours? After having a very nice and peaceful night in solitude?
I breathed heavily once more and, counting to ten, I did a quick tai-chi calming technique.
Ahhh, I feel better already. Find your happy place, Liz. As I kept my eyes tightly shut, I saw me and rainbows, books, Chad Michael Murray – yum – ice cream and Jake…
“ARGH!!”
I opened my eyes a split second later, and there right in front of my freaking horror-stricken – believe me, I was shit scared – face, was Jake, staring at me as if I had two heads and three boobs. How on earth did his butt-ugly face seep into MY subconscious thoughts. Its not like he was EVER part of my happy-lala-land.
I slammed my hand against the side of his face, and pushed him away from me. Eurgh. Damn. His face felt so cold against my warm skin. I pushed those thoughts out of my dazed mind, took my hand away and told him to fuck off.
Jake laughed sinisterly at me and asked, “Happy place? Geez. What are you, ten years old?”
I growled and told him to stop hogging all the bed space.
“Well it’s not my fault my legs are long. I need the space.”
”No. You don’t! Noone’s asking you to get comfortable.”
“But I’d rather that. Since, I am sleeping on the couch and all.”
“OH NO! When this little shindig of yours is done, you’re going back to your own room, or Matt’s.”
He scoffed and again, looked pointedly at me, “Shindig? Who the fuck speaks like that now? And by the time this finishes, it’d be tomorrow already. So nope, I’m staying put, and I quite like your room a hell lot more anyway.”
ARGH! I gripped my hair from the sides of my head. Suddenly, I felt two cold hands, gently – okay, maybe not, more like quickly and roughly, but you know how my imagination just tends to run– remove my hands from my hair.
I looked at Jake, utterly shocked.
“Wouldn’t want you going bald just yet. School pictures are coming up, anyway.”
He then smirked at me and again, chose to wink at me!
Grr. And now I remembered why I hated him so much.
I mockingly smiled at him. In return, he smirked again and thankfully, scooted over. Though still sprawled all over my bed, I figured it was better than before.
I sat up and with my knees tucked under my chin; pressed play.
For the next 45 minutes or so, as I watched through my favourite movie of all time, Jake was thankfully silent. When the wedding scene finally came to a close, I looked sideways and saw that he had actually fell asleep.
I groaned painfully and poked him, hoping that he wasn’t actually asleep.
Oh fuck.
He was.
What the hell was I supposed to do now? I seriously cannot, like, literally, drag him off of my bed to the sofa. And, my God, he wasn’t registering to any of my flicking or hitting.
Geez. It must be the alcohol.
I sighed and started whimpering pitifully. I want my bed back!
So, just to be absolutely sure that the asshole had indeed taken hostage of my personal space, I inched (rather hesitantly) to his side and slowly peered at his sleeping form. Hum. His eyes looked closed enough. His soft snoring and nose flaring must indicate something and his lips were slightly parted.
And just as soon as I had started thinking about that, he let out a small incoherent mumble, which, come on, in the current situation, scared the living daylights out of me. How mortifying. I held my breath hoping that he wasn’t in fact half-awake because if he so happened to open his eyes, he would see my bug-eyed face smack bang right in front of him. Ugh. Not a pleasant thought.
Speaking of unpleasant. Ugh. His breath was putrid. Ew.
After he showed no indication that he was part of the living anymore, I slid off my bed and turned on my nightlight.
And no, for all you hopefuls out there, I refused to sleep in my bed. Jake thankfully, didn’t roll a lot, so he was pretty much in an orderly sleeping position. I grabbed half the covers and thrust them over him. Oh well. Good enough. Geez, he can freeze throughout the night for all I care.
I then grabbed some spare sheets and my pillow and settled on the couch. Thank god I was short and just small enough to fit, lying down on my sofa. Provided, I was curled into the tiniest prawn-shaped ball ever, it proved to be quite comfortable after a while.
Albeit a long while.
And as my heavy eyelids finally started to set over my red-veined-from-exhaustion-eyeballs, I remembered hearing Jake’s almost rhythmic and melodic breathing lulling me to a nice slumber. Mhmm, sleep. Finally.
If anyone is wondering why they’re moving a bit fast in this chapter, my answer would be, is that they’re not. Jake is currently quite wasted and just can’t be bothered arguing and Liz being tired and all, isn’t really up for a fight either. Ahhh. Vunerability is always nice. And it’s really just a small preview into how they interact with each other in such close proximity and is more or less a set up for future chapters :) I quite liked this chapter with all that said.
And now reviewer responses…hahahaha I know not many read this anymore, but I truly love those who have kept with this :)
Psychedelic mishap: I still can’t spell that name of yours properly. Change it. HAHA. Yeh I saw the mistake after reading your review :b but I shouldn’t start pointing out the mistakes found when you edited my work! Isn’t Jake awesome? HAHA. He let down his guard a bit in this chapter, but that’s all good. I can’t believe how long it has taken me to write this. Oh man. Anyway, thanks for reviewing. Much nat love! Mwa! xo
Bluz: Ahhh! Hi! And I’m glad you like this! Even if the beginning is a mess. Haha. And you know, I’m very happy you find that Jake is a 3rd degree jerk (you wouldn’t mind if I happened to ever use that later on, right?? I’ll of course credit you! Haha) and that Liz has issues. Because really that’s EXACTLY how I wanted to paint them. So YAY! Hope you continue reading this! Thanks for reviewing! Much nat love! Mwa! xo
Lucy: How are you, my new msn buddy? HAHA. Thanks so much for always reading and reviewing BOTH of my stories. Your support means so much to me. Sorry this has taken so long to write and I’m so glad you liked Jake’s “inner voice”. Yeh, the guy is extremely cynical. Sort of very much like Liz. Heh. I was actually very worried about that chapter because I knew many people would be completely shocked at his character. Anyway, thanks for reviewing! Much nat love! Mwa! xo
Stick: HAHAHA.You idiot! That’s pretty much all I gots to say in response :b HAHA. Nah. I really do love you and your editing :) See you soon biatch :) AND DAMNIT! You had better start emailing! HAHA. Thanks for reviewing! Much nat love! Mwa! xo
Accidentally on Purpose: YAY! A review from the AOP. Hehe. I’m glad you like Jake’s character. I really liked that chapter because I felt we as the audience really, for the first time, were able to see, who Jake really was without any biased opinion or voice. And isn’t Matty just so darn cute? HAHA. I’m glad to see that you picked up some hints here and there about Jake’s persona and the story itself :) Hope you liked this chapter! Thanks so much for reviewing! Your support means so much! Much nat love! Mwa! xo
Writtenreality: Oh hello Carmen!! It has been SO long since I last updated. HAHA. Anyway thanks for ongoing support and ever-so beautiful words. Neither of which I really truly deserve :b Gah, don’t I sound pitiful. Hope you’re still reading this..HAHAHA. Anyway, thanks for reviewing! Much nat love! Mwa! xo
Sammi13u: Wow. HAHA. I think I might be quite hesitant about writing a chapter from Jesse’s pov now. Thankyou for the cherry by the way! :bIced-Faerie: Awww…I swear to god, I could hug you!! You always review!! :) And you sure do know how to inflate my ego haha. I’m so glad you liked that chapter and as I’ve already mentioned, it’s quite a personal favourite of mine as well. Hope you havn’t forgotten about this! And I’m having plenty of fun adding more to this plot :) Thanks for reviewing! Much nat love! Mwa! xo