*The movie starts out with Trent Evenscary staring into the faces of many adversaries, he looks all around him and behind him. He's wearing a sleek leather duster and shades*

Trent Evenscary: You want me? come and get me...

*Several of the bad guys start running in, Trent chops one in the neck and knocks him out and takes him by the leg and hurls him into the other two that are coming a different way. Trent cracks his knuckles*

Trent Evenscary: Come on... you can do better than that.

*Several more enemies come sprinting at Trent. Trent whips out two 9mm.'s and starts dropping bad guys. He has one in front of him and one in back of him, blasting away bad guys. He works his way toward an elevator, and puts his back to the elevator and leans into the down button. He's out of bullets and whips out two 12 mm.'s and continues to mow down baddies.*

*The elevator door opens and he slides into it, pressing the button for the basement floor. The baddies try to get into the elevator and are smoked by more gunshots. The doors close*

*Trent starts going through a bag that he has been carrying underneath his trenchcoat. In it includes: Gernades, shotgun shells, a shotgun cut off in a military way, plastiques, (small explosives with a big punch) a bamboo tanto, and some several blocks of C4.

Trent Evenscary: Only the starter kit? Oh well, I'll have to make do...

*Trent stands up and the elevator doors open. Trent sets a timer on the C4 and grabs the tanto which he slips into a sheath strapped to his back, grabs a few gernades, the shotgun which he slings over his shoulder, and some shells.*

*He then runs to the end of the parking lot and sprints down a line of cars. He continues to run and comes to the ground level. Trent then looks left, right, and left again and glances at a new corvette sitting in the parking lot.*

Trent Evenscary: Now where have you been all my life?

*Trent gets into the car and hot-wires it.*

*A quick glance at the bomb which shows :30 seconds*

*Trent starts the car and zooms out of the building, driving way past the speed limit and goes tearing down the road*

*A glance back at the bomb which shows :05, :04, :03, :02, :01*

*Back to Trent and a large building explodes behind him as he drives away*

*cool theme song kicks in*

*Trent's cellphone rings, Trent answers*

Trent Evenscary: Yeah?

=voice=: I specifically told you not to destroy that building Evenscary.

Trent Evenscary: Sorry, couldn't help it.

=voice=: Well you had better learn to handle your situations... better.

Trent Evenscary: Where's Killson?

=voice=: He's here, and no, you're not going to do what I think you're going to do.

Trent Evenscary: Well then I'll be seeing you soon, Lidevil

=voice=: you had better no-

*Trent hangs up the phone and tosses it carelessly into the back*

*Several 'baddie' cars come flying up from behind a corner. Trent looks into his mirror and swerves to cut off a van.*

*The van hits a ramp and rolls, exploding into a million little van pieces*

*Trent breaks window w/ the shotgun and blasts away at the cars behind him. He gets a driver in the chest with the shotgun and it goes veering offcourse and into a fruit stand.*

*There are two cars left, one goes zooming up right next to Trent and rams into him sideways. He then countersteers and a bad guy pops out of a window. Quickly, Trent hurls a gernade into the car and it explodes along with the car.*

*The last car starts tailgating Trent and has heavy armor, like an armored truck except its a van. Trent then takes out the bamboo tanto and shoves it up against the gas petal and steering wheel so that it steers straight while accelerating.*

*Evenson shoots through the roof and climbs onto the other car. The driver realizes what's happening and mouths to his friend that: 'he's on the roof'. The shooter shoots the roof in hopes it will hit Trent. Trent grabs onto the top of the window and swings in, knocking the shooter out of the car. Then he tells the driver to stop. He does and Trent takes his car.*

*cool theme song again*

*The screen gives away to hot, naked chicks that you can't really see because of the lighting. They're on trampolines and bounce in and out of the screen. Eventually, the theme song dies away and Trent Evenscary is seen again, this time driving into a parking garage.*

*Trent gets out and pushes a button. The elevator goes down past the 'B', basement, level. It goes down into a super-secret looking place full of scientists and lab workers.*

*Trent steps out of the elevator and a short, harassed looking guy rushes forward, shaking his head and pointing his finger.*

Andy Lidevil: I told you not to do it, didn't I?!

Trent Evenscary: Do what?

*Andy Lidevil throws up his arms*

Andy Lidevil: LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT!

Trent Evenscary: Oh... so you're still pissed about me blowing up the building aren't you?

Andy Lidevil: uh, YEAH!

Trent Evenscary: I said I was sorry!

Andy Lidevil: Yeah... well... next time you try to pull a fast one, I'll have your ass Evenscary.

Trent Evenscary: Andy, you don't want my ass.

Andy Lidevil: Well, just, you, RRR... Next time I give you a direct order, do me a favor and try not to ignore it, hm? Now I've got CIA croonies crawling all over the place looking over things and snooping around... I swear if one of them gets into my office I'll kick their sorry as-

Trent Evenscary: Hey, no one's getting into your office, there isn't anything in there worth looking at anyway, just a bunch of techno-crap.

Andy Lidevil: Yes, well that 'techno-crap' as you put it just saved your tail, bub.

Trent Evenscary: Oh, you mean the fireworks?

*Andy Lidevil looks outraged and unbelieving at Evenscary. He narrows his eyes and points a threatening finger at him.*

Andy Lidevil *in a shaking voice*: Are you... telling me... that all that equipment is GONE?!

Trent Evenscary: It was a bunch of ammunition and explosives, it's not like we can't get MORE.

Andy Lidevil: Well of course we can get more, it's just that you have a very bad habbit of not returning your equipment... like that AR 33 Assault Riftle I gave you for your mission in Bosnia.

*Trent looks up and rubs his chin*

Trent Evenscary: OOOO, you mean that rifle. I sold it to some funny- looking guy.

Andy Lidevil *ticking off his fingers as he talks*: And the Dodge Mustang with attatched machine guns, and EMP blaster, and the satellite watch, and the jet pack, and the dual pen/rocket launcher, and I still don't know how you managed to lose those poisonous condoms.

Trent Evenscary: Those were poisonous?!

Andy Lidevil: Anyway, you are having some extra training lessons with Ms. Li, to come into effect immediantly since you can't seem to do the job right the first time. I've asked Agent Li to meet you and she should be arriving...

*Andy looks at his watch*

Andy Lidevil: nnnnnow.

*both Andy and Trent look up as a beautiful Korean lady walks through the sliding glass doors to the HQ. She's wearing skin-tight leather and has a little more than shoulder-length hair.*

*She looks around and notices Trent and Andy, she smiles and walks towards them briskly.*

Andy Lidevil: Right then, better make those non-poisonous this time... good luck, Evenscary... though I hardly think you'll need it.

*Andy walks away and leaves*

*Agent Li continues to walk over to Trent*

*agent Li smiles and looks Trent up and down*

Agent Li: Are you Mr. Evenscary?

Trent Evenscary: Yes I am.

Agent Li: My name is Agent Li, it's very nice to meet you Mr. Evenscary.

*putting on a smooth voice*

Trent Evenscary: Please... call me Trent.

*he kisses her hand and grins*

Agent Li: ooo, such the charmer Trent.

Trent Evenscary: Yep.

Agent Li: Right then, now we're supposed to work together. The first lesson we're going to re-run is going to be the shooting range.

Trent Evenscary: Alright then.

*both of them start walking through sliding glass doors and other hallways*

Trent Evenscary: So, how does a nice girl like you end up being a field agent?

Agent Li: That is my business, not yours.

Trent Evenscary *putting his hands up defensively*: Hey, cool down it was a question, jeez.

*both of them finally reach a place where agents are shooting targets, they all greet Evenscary as he walks in with Agent Li*

*Agent Li walks over to a free space and picks up a gun*

Agent Li: This is your standard weapon, 6mm magnum. Shoots accurately up to 200 yards... take a shot, Mr. Evenscary.

Trent Evenscary: I told you, it's Trent, alright? Trent... give me that gun.

*Agent Li snootily hands over the weapon, placing it in Trent's hand*

*Trent takes a bad aim and doesn't hit the target*

Agent Li: hahahahaha.... nice shot.

Trent Evenscary: Just give me a minute, I'm just getting warmed up.

*Trent shoots again and misses*

*Agent Li snickers to herself, placing her hand over her mouth to stifle the sound*

Trent Evenscary: Alright so I'm a little rusty...

*Trent shoots again and misses so badly it ricochets off of the back and hits the target beside it*

Trent Evenscary: You know what?! Screw this!

*Trent whips out the cut-off shotgun and starts blasting away at the targets, tearing them all to shreds. Finally Trent stops and looks relieved*

Trent Evenscary: That's what I love about shotguns, you don't really need to aim, just point and shoot.

*Agent Li seems angry and shakes her head. She walks up and takes the shotgun from Trent and lays it on the table and hands him the magnum.*

Agent Li: Mr. Evenscary, you have to learn not to always use the same kind of weapon, you'll never know when you'll really need this.

Trent Evescary: Yeah, yeah, yeah... I'm supposed to 'practice' and that'll somehow make me the greatest shot in the world... well that's a crock of sh-

*Trent's pager starts going off. Trent takes it out and unfolds it, a picture of Andy Lidevil is seated at a chair.*

Andy Lidevil: How's the training coming along, Evenscary?

Trent Evenscary: Fine, just fine.

Andy Lidevil: Good, because we need you right away. Meet me in my office... NOW.

*the screen goes blank and Trent puts it away*

Trent Evenscary: Sorry, duty calls.

*Trent goes tearing out of the door, grabbing his trusty shotgun on the way out and heads towards Andy Lidevil's office.*

*A quick pan back to Agent Li*

Agent Li: Boys and their toys...

*pan back to Evenscary who's arrived at a waiting room. The secretary recognizes him right away and tells him to go in. Trent does and walks into a board room with a board of shadowy figures all around the table. All their faces are hidden except at the head of the table. At the head of the table Andy Lidevil is sitting.*

Andy Lidevil: Come in, Evenscary.

*Trent walks in a little further and stands near he table.*

Andy Lidevil: Evenscary, I've just gotten a message from Brittish Intelligence saying that there's a new terror group forming in the Czech. Republic... they've lost 4 agents on the job already. We figured we could help them out a bit, that's where you come in.

Trent Evenscary: So what exactly do I have to do?

Andy Lidevil: I thought you'd be accustomed to these kinds of jobs, Evenscary.

*Andy Lidevil looks around at the shadow-faced board*

Andy Lidevil: Gentlemen... leave us.

*the board looks at each other and stir a bit. Andy Lidevil looks around*

Andy Lidevil: I SAID OUT!

*slowly each of the board members rise and walk out the door, muttering and talking in hushed whispers as they leave. The door is shut behind the last one*

*Andy Lidevil walks around to Evenscary*

Andy Lidevil: Mr. Evenscary you know I wouldn't make you do something unless I truely thought that there was a good reason behind it. This terror group is doing something, we're not quite sure, but in the past month 48 of the top 50 nuclear scientists in the world have gone missing. We're not sure if they have any equipment to make any weapons, or even if they have a launching pad to use them, but I'll be damned if i just sit here on my hands and wait for them to do it... that's why I'm sending you. Also, I figured you'd be particularly interested in this project... they've taken your father as well, as a hostage. They figured he knew something about their operation and that he could hold some key information to bring them down. They figure if they keep him, they'll lure you to them. If you choose to accept this mission, I'm going to give you all the weapons and firepower I have at my disposal, but there's only so much I can do here in the office Trent. You have to take down this group and get back your father, and as always, you're licensed to kill, however.... Don't, repeat, don't blow up a building unless I tell you to. Will you accept?

Trent Evenscary: Yeah... I'll take it.

Andy Lidevil: Good, good... I'll wire a plane and you can get right on it.

Trent Evenscary: What about my extra training with Li?

Andy Lidevil: Oh she'll be here when you come back, she can wait.

*Trent looks extremely put out and mumbles quietly to himself*

Andy Lidevil: Right, now I'll expect you here first thing tomorrow morning. You can go down to Arentistrange's office and he'll give you some equipment that you'll need for your mission.

Trent Evenscary: Ok, thanks Andy, later.

*Trent turns to leave*

Andy Lidevil: Oh, and one more thing Evenscary...

*Trent turns back*

Andy Lidevil: Please try to return it all in one piece please?

*Trent grins*

Trent Evenscary: Alright, I'll try.

*A pan to the next day with a title stating: "16 hours later..."*

*Trent Evenscary is seen walking out of the same elevator as in the beginning. He walks a little ways and notices a guy with dark brown hair that passes over his eyes, not allowing him to see. Trent walks past him and stops a moment then turns on his heel and looks strangely at him. He walks over and pushes the hair out of the man's face.*

Trent Evenscary: What the... Hunter?

Hunter Arentistrange: Oh, hey Trent, didn't see you.

Trent Evenscary: Yeah, I can tell why.

Hunter Arentistrange: Oh yeah, I grew my hair out a little bit.

Trent Evenscary: A little?

Hunter Arentistrange: Yeah... oh, hey, I'm supposed to show you some of the new equipment that we've got for you. I think you'll be really happy to know that Andy Lidevil gave us permission to do absolutely anything we could to make improvements to your old gadgets. So if you'd just follow me, I'll show you some of the stuff we have for you.

*Hunter leads Trent down into a narrow passageway and into a seperate elevator. Both of them get in and the doors shut*

-=Woman's voice=- Please state your personal password.

Hunter Arentistrange: Crap! Oh, um... shit... I can't remember it... OH WHAT WAS IT?!

*Trent pushes past Hunter*

Trent Evenscary *in a loud, clear voice*: 'Hunter rocks'

-=Woman's voice=- Access approved.

*The elevator begins to move and then stops. The doors open and Evenscary walks out, followed closely by Hunter*

Hunter Arentistrange: How did you know my password?!

Trent Evenscary *in a dull tone of voice*: Only you would make up a password that lame.

Hunter Arentistrange *defensively*: I thought it was a good password...

*Both of them walk through a lab, passing several scientists and workers that are fiddling with small contraptions and gadgets.*

Trent Evenscary: So what do I have?

*Hunter isn't paying attention and whips around*

Hunter Arentistrange: What?

Trent Evenscary *very loudly and slowly*: What... do I have... for weapons?

Hunter Arentistrange: AAA, right to business huh? Alright, follow me.

*Hunter leads Trent away to a room where there are several firearms and explosives, Trent looks dazed around and starts picking them up and examining them.*

Trent Evenscary: oooo.... shotguns....

Hunter Arentistrange: Yes, most of our weapons are developed here, primarily the heavy weapons and stuff. Now what we have for you today is-

Trent Evenscary: Wait, let me guess, a special edition sniper rifle with mounted laser sight and automatic machine gun with gernade launcher?

Hunter Arentistrange: No, instead you will get these...

*Hunter pulls out a box of crayola crayons and places it on the desk*

*Trent looks at it, giving Hunter the 'your insane' look*

Trent Evenscary: What the hell am I going to do with a bunch of crayons?

Hunter Arentistrange: Now, that's where you're mistaken Trent. The ends of all these specially camoflaused weapons is a laser powerful enough to cut through solid steel... observe...

*Hunter takes a crayon out of the box and draws a circle on one of the steel pillars holding up the lab. At first nothing happens, but then Hunter pushes back a space where the circle was drawn and an entire section falls out.*

Trent Evenscary: Ok, ok... what's this?

*Trent grabs a pair of what look like skating shoes.*

Hunter arentistrange: AAA, the anti-gravity shoes... a very new invention to our um... 'inventory'... each of the shoes is specially coated with a strip of spiked tape. The spikes grip a surface and don't let go easily. Since there are so many little tiny spikes, your weight is dispersed across the shoes and give you the ability to walk on walls. Any walls, mind you.

Trent Evenscary: Sweet... what's this, body armor?

*A vest made entirely of some sort of magnetised, light-weight steel sits on the shoulders of a dummy*

Hunter Arentistrange: That's our special body armor... for people who don't like getting shot in the back of the head. It's specially designed to attract a bullet to itself and then cushions the imact with the re- enforced folded steel plating... as you can feel it is extremely light, because the jacket isn't actually on you, but hovering near you, as to cause you no discomfort.

Trent Evenscary: Very nice, very nice indeed... So where's my ride?

*Hunter Arentistrange grins and claps his hands together*

Hunter Arentistrange: Let me show you what we've been working on...

*Hunter leads Trent through a couple doors and into an underground garage. The entire spece is open except for a table and what looks like a cellphone on the table.*

Trent Evenscary: So where's my car?

Hunter Arentistrange: Oh you have something much better than a car... you have this.

*Hunter picks up the cellphone and hands it to Trent gently*

Trent Evenscary: What the hell am I going to do, call a cab?

*Hunter laughs*

Hunter Arentistrange: No, no... you're going to ride on it.

*Trent gives Hunter the 'what-have-you-been-smokin' look*

Trent Evenscary: Ok... so how does it work?

*Hunter steps forward and grabs the cellphone.*

Hunter Arentistrange: You might wanna step back...

*Both of them take a couple steps backwards from each other*

*Hunter dials a certain melody, in this case, the melody to 'funky town' and places the phone on the ground. The phone sits there for a second and then begins to morph into a roaring black motorcycle, flames burst from the tailpipes and the numbers on the phone move near the spedometer. Trent stands blinking, not believing his eyes.*

Hunter Arentistrange: Yes the real 'roaming' phone. It can transform into either a motorcycle, a car, a speedboat, an amphibious landrover, or a one- seated apatche helicoptor. Now please note Mr. Evenscary that this is still a phone, you can use it to call someone anywhere in the U.S., Canada, or Western Europe. And all you need to do to put it into compact mode is to spell 'phone' and it will shrink back into your phone.

*Hunter spells out 'P-H-O-N-E'. The motorcycle sound dies and it shrinks back down to a phone again.*

Trent Evenscary: Wow... I'm speachless... How much do one of these cost?

Hunter Arentistrange: More than your life's worth.

*Both of them start laughing*

Hunter Arentistrange *in a serious, droning voice*: ...I'm not kidding, you lose this...and I will kill you... yes, I will personally cut off your air supply... until you pass away... return this or suffer the consequences... well... good luck.

Trent Evenscary: ooook... thanks Hunter.

Hunter Arentistrange: Anytime.

*Hunter waves at Trent as he walks out the door with a wide-eyed look on his face*

*A title flies across the scree saying 'Czech. Republic: 8 hours later'*

*Trent Evenscary is seen walking out the door to the plane*

*a man walks up to Trent. He shakes his hand*

=driver=: I'm here to take you to your quarters, Mr. Evenscary.

Trent Evenscary: Alright, you can cut the crap. My name is Trent, ok? T-R- E-N-T...

=driver=: Ok. We have to get going, has requested a quick meeting with you.

Trent Evenscary: Lidevil is here?

=driver=: Oh no, he'll talk to you via satelitte.

Trent Evenscary: Oh, whatever then.

*both the driver and Evenscary walk to the parking lot. The driver starts the car and they're off. Evenscary looks out the window, looking at the streets of the Czech. Republic.*

Trent Evenscary: Man... this city sucks! What's there to do in a town like this?

=driver=: I'm not sure... whatever I guess.

Trent Evenscary: You know what, you're kind of cool... what's your name?

=driver=: My name is Ivan.

Trent Evenscary: Cool, kind of like in "Triple X", did you see that movie?

Ivan: Yeah I did, that's messed up.

*Ivan starts laughing, Evenscary joins in*

Trent Evenscary: So what did Lidevil tell you?

Ivan: Only that if you didn't get to your quarters then you'd be screwed, so I'm making sure that you get their alright.

Trent Evenscary: Cool, how long will that take?

Ivan: It's only about a ten minute drive from here.

Trent Evenscary: Ok.

The '2003 Andy awards' Go to the following:

(and for all of you who didn't get one, you can EAT ME!!!)

chris farley for being a kick-ass comedian, Pete bless you chris

Adam sandler for giving us endless laughs year round

Jim bruer for making me laugh so hard I almost pissed myself

Mitch Hedberg for proving we do not need a receipt for a donut

I'd also like to add these people to my list:

foamy the squirrel

pete

Mr. Bojangles

trent evenscary, luke killson, and hunter arentistrange

the underpants gnomes

stan marsh, kyle broflowski, eric cartman, and kenny mccormic

fallen one, zasz, daggoth, torrasque, and the whole 'fallen' crew

bam margera! *viva la bam!*

The Thundergod raiden

'Triumph' the insult comic dog *poop on eminem's floor for me!*

that guy living in a van down by the river! *we know it sucks to be you*

Chewbacca

Wildboyz *johnny knoxville, Chris pontius, and steve-o!*

jack sparrow

The whole cast of 'reno 911'

jabba the hut

Gizmo the Gremlin

jennifer lopez *The only reason being b/c of her fine ass. pRRRRRRR!*

Dave Chapelle and those three cloned white bitches :)

Rowdy roddey Piper *reality check!*

ebenezer scrooge *the coolest cold-hearted bastard alive!*

emperor palpatine, darth vader, darth sidius, and darth maul

Adam corolla and jimmy kimmel for 'the man show'

your mom ;-)

your sister ;-)

Kid notorious, english, slash, midget, and talley mae

Adolf hitler, Joseph stalin, and benito mussolini

John stewart

Bobby fletcher

Tyrone biggums for the $300,000 crack party! *live well tyrone!*

The porn and chicken club of america!

'the juggies'

Yoda

The 'unlegal' olsen twins *birthday on June 18, hurry it up jailbaits!*

Special thanks to:

me

pill-z the overdosed, rabid, hyperactive squirrel

and of course, the 'disorientated, high, messed up towlie.

thank you, and a merry f***ing christmas to all, you c***suckers!

try again next year assholes!