Why?  Why must I always feel this way?  I am drowning in the depths of my despair, suffocating in the magnitude of my pain.  It is my endless nightmare, on from which I will never wake...ever. 

The burning agony of my deepest hatred and the numbing torment of my lifeless heart; these are my fears, my pains, the bane within my soul.  It hurts.  It hurts so badly.  I want it to go away, disappear. I want to be free...but there is no escape.  I am overcome.

Darkness overwhelms me.  I sink farther and farther into the endless nadir of black.  I fight.  I flee.  I am surrounded and hopeless as my truest fears devour me.  They grow from doubt and shadows in my heart, where evil terrors reign. 

My heart constricts and cries for me.  Tears trickle down my cheeks and drip onto the floor; tears of blood, the blood of a sinful, wicked fiend.  All I feel is anguish and misery, beyond my greatest imagining.  It haunts my twilight hours, consumes my every thought to the point where I can’t even feel the gentle warmth of the sun’s rays on my face. 

My world is blackness in its truest form, a cold and vengeful realm where night never fades and where earth-shattering chaos reigns on high and mighty thrones of sin. 

I am a butterfly, crushed and alone, with no way to ever find or reach freedom.  I try to flutter...flutter away from the endless horrors I am confronted with, but my wings aren’t strong enough to break the bonds that imprison me.  I am weak and feel utterly forsaken.  No one is there to reach out and help me; no one ever tries.  It would have been better if I never came out of my cocoon in the first place.  At least that way I wouldn’t have to face the grief of this sorrow, this everlasting torment. 

I have been condemned, cast away into this hellish abyss of forlorn existence of grief.  I have no escape; there is none.  Is there?  Only a slight glimmer of hope remains in my heart, a small, smothered candle in this universe of night.  It’s not even enough to bring me the warmth and light I long for.  I have resigned myself to my fate; this is my punishment for my existence: an eternal hellish existence lived on forever in darkened depths of despair, where no light penetrates, and where no one can reach me...

No one...because...

I chose to go my own way.

I chose not to take the helping hand offered to me.

I chose to take the easy way out.

I chose to follow the tempting delight, knowing full well the price it would cost me.

I chose this forever of dark over light.

And that is what makes it so painful.