Felt This Alone

I don't think I have felt this alone in all my life,
I honestly thought I'd make her my wife.
I'm so tired of talking
Don't have the strength for walking
Life, itself, is too exhausting.
I honestly thought I was strong enough to deal
But the truth is, I am not strong enough to feel.
She took what was broken and shattered it,
Took what was shattered and murdered it.
So it wasn't me who slit my wrist like this
Oh it looks like suicide? It was your kiss!
Yes, the same one I once said saved me.
Why? Because you PLAYED me!!
You toyed me like a skilled puppeteer should
Just because you knew you could.
You FUCKED me in every way you knew how
Then laughed and said, "Look at that crazy bitch now!"
You have no idea what I'm going through:
Desolation, anger, violence, sadness, heartbreak, rage against, you.
That doesn't even BEGIN to describe
Everything I feel inside,
Everything you've done to me,
Things you couldn't possibly see.
I said that I refuse to bleed over you,
But what am I supposed to do?!?!
Where do you go when your safe place has been ripped away?
Where do I go? If I bleed, is it ok?
It took SO MUCH for me to trust in you
That is one mistake I will never re-do.
I won't trust in anyone again,
I'll keep it all inside, I'll keep it all in.
It's times like this, that I want to die,
Only I don't have the strength to try.

February 2003