Guitar Dude's A/N: Well, after much consideration (and some threats from monkeys with knives), we decided to write the next installment of this increasingly boring history of the Oompa-Loompas and the Scottish.

Madness' Daughter's A/N: WTF, mate?! People actually read this shiznit? Jeezum Crow. Guess we'll have to pull another chapter out of our arse - er - Spacious Cranial Storage Unit.

The lone Scottish survivor rode the long trip home in the frying pan, figuring out what he would say when he arrived at the settlement. He considered long and hard what the right words would be to calmly inform his fellow kilt-bearers that there was a very potent force of cannibalistic orange midgets. When he arrived, he decided that he would tell his people in something along the lines of this (since the original text is lost):

"HOLY CRAP!! THERE WERE THESE LITTLE PEOPLE AND THEY ATE ALL THE PEOPLE AND USED THEIR KILTS AS MOIST-TOWELETTES!!"

Unfortunately, our survivor wasn't the prettiest tool in the box. Errr, crayon. Whatever. The point is, he was what you might call - well - an idiot. Numbskull. Nitwit. Moron. George W. Bush. Fool. Knucklehead. Lacking in mental capacity. You get the idea. At any rate, however, once he reached his home shores and saw the perplexed looks on his people's collective face, the words flew straight out of his already rather empty head. What he ACTUALLY said was more along the lines of:

"Um... hi, guys. You'll never guess what happened. Y'see... what happened was... um... there was... these midgets, right? And... yeah. They ate 'em. Yeah. Sorry. Umm... Yeah."

Needless to say, the other Scots weren't pleased.

The Scots decided that there was only one thing to do, and that was dance. Ok, well, make that two things. They danced, and then they began to rally their army (a.k.a. Steve). After their atrocious dance (you can't really "get jiggy with it" in a kilt), the Scots called on Steve to go fight the little people, by preparing him the only way they knew how. They turned him to face Canada, and told him, "You see that up there? There are small people there. You know what we want you to do? KILL THEM!" And so, Steve began to run valiantly towards Canada. This later led to Gregory McGinnis writing the runaway hit "Run Like A Scotsman," topping the Scottish charts.

Will Steve defeat the Oompa-Loompas? Will the Scots finally claim Canada as a new homeland? Will this story ever end? Will Faith get tired of writing interrogative statements beginning with 'Will'? Will Taylor EVER get a date? Tune in next update to find out!

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Now back to our story:

Steve fought valiantly. He was outnumbered 9432170s3b32097d0 to one, which was much higher than any Scot could count. Unfortunately, the Oompa- Loompas learned a strange form of asexual reproduction, because how can you tell if they're male or female? Even they can't tell. It's true. We saw it in a book, you should read it sometime.

Steve couldn't compete against those numbers. So he did what most Scots would've done, ran away. When he returned home, he was scolded in many words that you can't say on public television. After the scolding of the ages, the Scots came to one conclusion:

They had to summon the Japanese Ninja Santa Claus.