Without A Word
The door slams. I close my eyes as I hear muffled cries from down
below. They replaced the screams I had heard 5 minutes ago. I put my book
down and listen. Sobs are now coming from the kitchen. I sigh; not again.
The crying ceases and is replaced by loud moans of pain and
anguish. I wince at the sound, turning away from the cries. Then, a new
noise comes from outside. I get up from my bed and peep out from my window.
I see our van roar away into the night. I press my head to the cool glass
and watch it fade farther into the distance until I cannot see it anymore.
I pull myself away, but my hand lingers there for a moment. When I pull
away, all that is left is a small, foggy handprint that soon fades away.
I turn to my door and hear the horrible crying again. I walk up to
it, but hesitate to bring my hand to the knob. I listen again to the cries.
They soon turn to whimpering, then into hoarse coughs. I wince again.
The knob slowly turned and the door creaked opened. I walked
quietly over to my brothers' room and peek in. Sound asleep. I close their
door gently. Then I softly make my way down the stairs and into the hall.
Movement can be heard from the kitchen. I walk in cautiously, fearful of
what I may find. I look in the kitchen, where I found my mother, softy
whimpering, sitting on the floor.
Her hair is a golden mess, mascara running down her face in black
tears. Her green eyes are unfocused and blurry, as if she is in another
world. Tanned arms glitter with dozens of bracelets and are wrapped around
her, as she rocks back and forth. She is staring at the floor, not noticing
I'm even in the room. This frightens me.
I stand here, uncomfortably, shifting from one foot to another.
Startled by my movement, my mother's pained eyes lifted up to see me. She
looked at me if she was seeing me for the first time. Maybe she was. I
looked back at the woman that was supposed to be my mother, but I did not
recognize her. Then all of a sudden, she moved her arms to me, lifting them
as if her they were rusted.
I backed up one step, and at the moment, a stream of memories hit
me. I saw the time when she wouldn't put together my dollhouse because she
had to run out and go to a party. Another one, where I looked out to the
stands during my champion soccer game and finding I could not see her
anywhere. Then a more recent memory, where she called me a bitch for not
coming home on time. All those memories came flooding back as my mother's
outstretched arms beckoned to me.
All I do is just look at her, as she pleads to me with her eyes. I
sit down in a chair near her and she drops her arms to her sides. Bloodshot
eyes look at me with so much pain. I lower my gaze and scramble to look at
anything but her. My eyes land on the phone. A lone memory came to me.
It was fall and I was sitting on my bed doing homework. It was late
when I got a call from my boyfriend. He said it was over between us.
Devastated, I cried on my pillow when I heard a soft tap on my door. I
wiped away my tears and asked them to leave me alone. The door opened, and
in walked my mother. She took one look at me and came over and embraced me.
I didn't have to even say a word. My mother just held me in her arms as I
cried. She knew exactly what I needed.
I turn to my mom, and look back at her. Her eyes meet mine. Without
out a word, I wrap my arms around her and hold her. And then she cried.