We’ve read them, we’ve written them, and we know what they look like.  You know what I’m talking about – the ultimately stereotypical M/M slash/yaoi/shounen ai story.  I decided that I’d write down the basic rules for those who haven’t actually written one yet.

(Note:  This is meant to be humorous.  It is not meant to offend anyone.  I’m not saying that all slash stories abide by these guidelines; most on my favorites list are in no way similar to this list.  I’m also not saying that stories that might sometimes kinda go by these guidelines are crappy.  A lot are good.  I recommend. . .anybody on my favorites list and any story on my favorites list.  They have to be good to get on there.

Again, people, all in good fun.  No harm done.)

The final rule was contributed by Sagan, whom we all love very, very much.  Say it with me:  “We love you, Sagan!”

The Basic Rules of a M/M Slash Story

1.  The goth boy is always gay.  Always.

2.  The main could will contain a goth boy, a jock, or a loner, and any combination thereof.  If the couple is out of high school, one will be a responsible adult, and the other will be a totally random and unable to hold a job.  It’s just sexier.

3.  One boy will have a good family life, and the other’s will suck.  Majorly.

4.  One will be rich and misunderstood, and the other will be poor and misunderstood.  It makes for better angst.

5.  Everyone is gay.  No matter what they say, they are all gay.

6.  a)  Someone always has a crush on the main character that doesn’t want them.

     b)  The main character always has a crush on someone who may or may not like him back; casual clues are thrown in randomly.  They may or may not get together by the third chapter.  If the main character and his crush do not, for any reason, find love, the main character’s best friend is Plan B.

7.  Gay parents produce gay children.  Straight parents produce gay children.  Score!

8.  If the person the main character has a crush on rejects him, the crushee (for lack of a better word) will realize the error of his ways, fall madly in love with the main character and profess his undying love in the last few chapters.  This can end in two ways:

            a)  The main character rejoices and they go out or

            b)  The main character has already moved on to someone else, and the ex-crushee is left heartbroken and crying as he watches the object of his affection walk away.

9.  No one is ever a virgin.

10.  Even though many slash couples are in their mid-teens and still in high school, they have realized, acknowledged, experimented with and been teased about their sexuality.

11.  Teenaged gay boys are not normal teenaged boys.  They are mature and dress well (i.e., all their clothes fit, and their pants don’t fall to their ankles when they stand).  No, they don’t think fart jokes are funny.

12.  If the character is not a naïve kid who thinks there is no wrong in the world, then he drinks, smokes, does drugs and is promiscuous.  There is no middle ground.

13.  Everyone knows how to…pleasure a guy.  Even the virgins, of which there are none.  If they don’t know how, then they’re not gay, which we all know is an uber-lie.  Just give in!

14.  Everyone is very cool about the main character(s) being gay.  (Why wouldn’t they?  Everyone else is gay, too!)

15.  GAY PEOPLE RULE!