Ever get the feeling you're not quite in sync with the rest of the
world, not just that you're different but that maybe your in the wrong
body. No, more than that. Not the wrong body or the wrong place but more
like the wrong world or worse, Universe. Well I do, all the time. Everyday
I see everyone living out their lives. Sometimes they're happy, sometimes
sad but always involved with what's happening to them and around them
whilst I do nothing but sit and watch.
Take now. See that man sitting over there talking on his phone? Look
how animated he is. My guess is he's some businessman from the city
probably waiting for some vital news on his company. Just look at his
face. You can just see the way the fear festers and swirls beneath his
eyes, that little glint of terror of loosing all he has worked for. Yes he
may sound calm and collected but watch his hand. See how tightly it's
gripping the phone like that's all that's holding him from slipping into a
dark, swirling hole of despair. See that woman over their holding her
baby? Look how gently she holds the delicate creature in her arms, her
every movement full of care and love. It's so strong you can almost feel
it, see it, smell its sweet odour floating from her. All these people
around us are totally absorbed in what they're doing, thinking, seeing with
hardly a thought for anything else.
That's why I feel out of place. Everyone lives their life where as I
sit here, alone and watch it all happen. Not that I'm sad or angry or
anything. Then again I never feel anything any more. Not happiness,
sadness, anger, fear, nothing. Things were different once but life doesn't
stay the same forever does it? Look there goes a couple now. See how
tightly they hold hands as if they will never let go, supporting each other
without saying a word. The way he leans forward and whispers in her ear
sweet words that make a smile spread across her already curled lips as they
cling even closer together, two birds huddling up for protection in the eye
of the storm.
I was in love once, a long time ago now. He seemed so perfect in
everyway and best of all was that he seemed so devoted to me. I can still
picture the expression on his face as he held me in his arms, looked into
my eyes and told me he loved me with such compassion that I was prepared to
do anything for him. I gave him my heart, my life, my soul, everything I
ever had or owned was his; a mistake I can never make again. That's life
though right? You love, you loose and you live again. Maybe one day I'll
feel but for now I'll watch, alone with my dreams.
Yes I know its not too good, was just a random bit so thought I'd put it
up. Any advice on the writings general style appreciated.