What to Believe

Must I be blind to joy,
for I'm told I walked Utopia
but I felt I crawled through hell.
Can my eyes be trusted?
Never will I know what to believe.
What's logical, or what I see?
So much pain throbs through my spirit
but how can such sorrow be?
What is this world which so dissatisfies me?
In itself dark or clouded by my psyche?
I don't know what to believe
and I'm lost in mourning for what I may have never had.