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I’m only beautiful
if I close my eyes
when I look in the mirror

(You can’t see me here)

When I open my eyes
all I can see
is little red stretch marks
and dough rolls of fat
and small little eyes, sunken in, peering back

Disgusting.
that’s what the boys will all say.
Disgusting.
that’s what the people will say.
Disgusting.
that’s what the world will say.
Disgusting.
that’s what I see, everyday.

I’m only beautiful when I can’t see me
I’m only beautiful when I’m not there
I’m only beautiful when disembodied
A hideous face that is hidden by hair
A body so ugly they only can stare

I wish that I’d wake up some other person
some other woman
some lesser beast
I wish that I’d wake up one day enchanted
so that I could look in a mirror and then smile