Where did you go... where did you run off to?
You went by so fast, although I know that time never lasts,
I never expected the seconds, minutes and hours,
to drip away like the water running down my cheeks right now.
Why is it gone?
Why did the time flow...?
Like the alcohol flying to my head...
so fast...never to last...
Merely a distant memory,
is yesterday.
So far gone, far away...
I miss you.
God, you don't know how much I miss you.
Come back
I plead for you to come back.
The tears that flow are all for you.
Everything I think is of you
Nothing affected me as you do,
or as you did...

If it's all going this fast,
all the time... it wont be long before we're dead.
What's gonna happen tomorrow?
Why cant I have a chance, to have all that time back again?
So much left unsaid, oblivious to what was to become of the minutes I impatiently waited to pass while I tapped my foot,
sighed...
I could have tried...
The time is gone.

Why...what's the point??
I know why people step off those cliffs, drown in a hallucinating pool of alcohol and pills.
I understand those who slash their flesh,
all the thoughts that run through their heads

After all... it goes by so fast, this second will end,
this minute will pass,
this hour will fly by and this day will end.
This month will fade into another fast year... again to loop.
So what is a few moments of pain...
for peace?
Peace from the pain of trying to cling,
like water that you cant cup in your hand.
It drips away...

That's why the tears come,
why my eyes are red and glassy,
why I sit with a brown bottle and liquid that I know will mix and damage,
why I'm forcing it down, knowing that the fuzziness and nausea filling me
is a sign that's I'm going...going...to be gone.
I wish no-one will interfere, that I wont live another year
I will be another number... on the list of teenage suicide.
Another statistic.

It's not down to bullying.
It's not down to pregnancy.
It's not down to family troubles.
It's down to my pain jerking thoughts.
Why I shudder and shake into the night,
why my pillow is damp as I drift off to sleep...
Tt's gone... all gone
I'm not insane just deeply burdened with the thoughts...
I cant make them go away.
They depress me so... I Want to die.
I want to leave right here... yet I'm scared to try.
I'm frightened of pain, but now I do try.
Swallowing from the red labelled bottle,
pressing pills to the back of my throat,
I hope I go.
I hope the pain and hurt will end.
Please make it go away...
For today will pass as did yesterday...
I don't want to cry again.
My eyes have drowned with overflow.
Please go...
I'll miss you all... it's not your fault.
I know you love me, just maybe not as much as I love you.
It hurts to pass people in the street and feel sad as I realise i'll never know them.
You can't know everybody.
People you meet on holiday. Will never see again.
I'm sick of not being able to understand,
not knowing what is wrong with me,
why I think like this,
why I hurt.
It hurts to think of time ill miss and have already missed.
Such a short life...
Why?

I cant talk to anyone... I'm afraid of what they'll think
I'm too scared, so self conscious...
of everyone
everything.
I need help,
I cant get help,
I believe I'm lost...
I hope ill find my way,
I hope that there is a light...
I hope ill see the people again 'up there'...
Goodnight..

Sweet dreams..

Take care.
Sleep well.
For now.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx