I knew she was upset about something, but my big mouth just wouldn’t shut up. There I go again, saying the absolute worst things I could think of, which just made the situation ten times worst than it was to begin with. I can hear the other girls talking over there now, everyone else who had gone to the library besides me. I guess I haven’t realized it until now that all year, in a very subtle way, I’ve been shunned.

I’ve always wondered if other people knew what it is like to be shunned. You can look up the definition, memorize its meaning, and still not comprehend what it is like to be shunned. Being shunned is something you have to experience yourself to fully understand what it is like. To me being shunned was and is like an overwhelming sense of rejection and pain. The taunts and rejection on the other kids faces felt like a dagger was being pressed into my back with an agonizing slowness.

Being shunned can and does come in all kinds of different forms. When I was in fourth grade in elementary school the kids would either ignore me or make fun of me. In middle school, when I was in seventh grade several girls acted like they were my friends, but the instant another girl joined our class, according to them I was history. The sad part about this is that I remember those years so vividly, almost like they had just happened last year. Also, I don’t remember the fun times during those years very well. It was just that those two years were some of the most painful periods I went through.

Even though I am still being shunned to this day, the intensity of it is not as strong, or obvious. In high school and in my own youth group it was more about how much the other teenagers would accept you. In other words, you would never be a part of a group, yet each group of kids would tolerate your presence for a brief amount of time. For example, in one of my classes there are several groups of kids who don’t associate that much with the other groups in the same class. Since I’m not part of any group, I’m accepted in all of them, to a point. The whole situation seems kind of ironic now, not being a part of any group, yet admitted at each of them.

Because I have been shunned often in my life, more than I have shown here, I’ve developed a sort of distrust of other people. I have a very sensitive spirit, and because of this I will probably always care about what others think about me. Unfortunately I now automatically assume that every one thinks “uggh!” when they first see me.

Being shunned is one of the worst experiences someone can go through in life, and most people will have to. All I learn from the experience is that not everyone will like you, and some, won’t like you for any reason at all. Despite the thought that I have a life ahead of me for others to shun me, I still have God, my family, and my friends who are always there for me and will never let me down.