/ Author's Note: This is not intended to be offensive to religious people. What it is intended to do is to make you think about the way the eternal arguments between professed believers damage the faith and what they say about you. It is a conception of heaven - a rather unpleasant one determined by some views of God, and influenced, I admit, by H P Lovecraft.

R&R please!/

On the 3rd of May 2000 a young man named Jeffrey Thompson died. All his life he had been a freethinker, a skeptic and an atheist. He was well-educated and friendly, and there were many mourners when he died at just twenty-seven years old.

On the 1st May Jeffrey was admitted into hospital with appendicitis, and was operated on the next day. He knew that a small number of young people never come round from a general anasthetic, but he wasn't too worried. As he counted down the seconds until the anasthetic kicked in, he wondered whether he might at last resolve that age old mystery of whether there is life after death, should the operation go wrong.

Jeffrey Thompson never came round from the anasthetic, and died in hospital on the 3rd May.

Jeffrey woke up slowly. As he looked around, all he could see was bright, shining whiteness, so bright he had to cover his eyes.

"This isn't a hospital. I must have died," he thought. For a few moments he sat, shielding his eyes, and thinking with sadness of the life he had left, and the friends left behing. Then he realised that to be here and thinking these thoughts, there must be some sort of life after death.

He wondered what sort of god, if any, ruled over this second life, and how he would be received. As he thought this, he realised that the light was not so painful now, and - still squinting a little - he took his hands from his eyes, and looked about him.

What he saw terrified him. There was nothing around him, just that blank whiteness, nothing to stand on, no horizon, no walls nor sky. It was as though he were a person drawn on a blank piece of paper, with no background drawn in yet. To see something so unnatural made him scream. No sound could be heard, and he screamed and screamed silently until he sank to the ground sobbing.

When he looked up, he saw that a door had appeared, and this time sobbing for joy he ran toward it, flung it open, and staggered inside. It was dark in this place, and all that could be seen was a green marble road, gleaming from some imperceptible light source. Before setting off down that road, Jeffrey looked behind him, but could see nothing through the door he had passed through - it was as though it had been bricked up with seamless white bricks. With a shudder, Jeffrey began to run up the marble road, hoping he would see another person soon.

He ran and ran for many miles - so it felt like - until he came to a hill. Gradually, and with great care as he could see little, he eased himself up the hill, and there at the top found a green marble building. It was so large he could not see the back of it, with two enormous iron doors directly in front of him. Jeffrey took hold of one of the huge iron rings, and with all his might, pulled at it. The door was hard to move, but Jeffrey laboured long, and finally opened it.

As he stepped inside he was hit by a blast of white light, which he had to avert his eyes from. It was then he noticed a curious thing, though the light shone as bright that he could not look at it, yet it had not driven back the gloom of the building. As he gazed at the walls he noticed another person, lying flat on the floor. Jeffrey rushed toward him, and shook him. The man was not dead, nor injured, indeed he seemed ecstatic. With joy shining on his face he turned to Jeffrey and said -

"See! Its God! God and His holy angels are here! We've come to everlasting life just as He said, brother! My name is Peter, what is yours?"

"Jeffrey. But I never believed in God on earth..."

"Then you will be judged and found wanting," said Peter, the joy replaced by a steely glint and a grim smile. "Come, lets see what will happen!"

So Jeffrey and Peter walked into the light, and found a vast ziggurat-like structure, with green marble steps flanking a green marble ramp leading to the source of the light. On each of the steps, ranged beings stood, with halos of gold at their heads, dressed all in white with shining wings, ceaselessly chanting "Holy is the Lord!" in monotonous tones. Jeffrey looked closer, and saw with revulsion that none of the angels had faces! It was as though shop mannequins were standing there, not real people. While Jeffrey looked with horror, Peter saw with joy,

"Its all as He said! Oh how beautiful their singing is! And the expressions on their faces! Heaven will be marvelous!"

While the faceless angels stared blankly past them, Jeffrey and Peter walked up the marble ramp to the sound of the ceaseless chanting. When they came to the source of the light Peter prostrated himself before a shapless figure only just resembling a man. Its clothes were all of white, and the skin on its exposed hands and face was white and dead-looking, as though from a drowned man. It had no facial features save for two black spots in the white blob of a face, evidently serving as eyes. It turned its head toward them with a malicious gleam in its eyes. Then its long, bloated hand rested on Peter's head, and a voice spoke, though it seemed to have no mouth,

"My good and faithful servant, Peter. You have served me well and are now admitted to the company of the saints."

"My Lord, it is enough just to see Your beautiful face! Thank you for your mercy on me, a poor sinner!" Peter said.

As Peter finished speaking, Jeffrey saw his face blur, and as though someone had taken an eraser to his face, he became as the angels, a faceless, mindless being.

With fear, now, Jeffrey looked around him, and saw now clearly that the white of the angels' skins was the clammy white of death, and all at once the overwhelming small of corruption and rot filled the air. It was everywhere, coming from the angels, Peter, and most of all, from God. Jeffrey fell to his knees and retched.

"Ah, the odour of sanctity," God said, "so we come to you, Jeffrey Thompson. You've lived a moral life, but you did not believe in Me, so you go to the Other Place."

"But why? Why is heaven so foul? And why did Peter love it?"

The huge bloated figure laughed, "Christians have been taught for aeons that heaven is a wonderful place, they see what they expect to see, not the reality. Not even I can make these stubborn people see past the illusion, why did you expect you could, on earth? Heaven is what I wish it to be, no other. This is my nature, and this is my land. Do you want the guided tour before you go down below?"

Jeffrey nodded yes, and four angels came with a couch on a platform, on which God rested his bloated figure, while they carried him on their shoulders. Jeffrey followed after the great wobbling mass of dead flesh, as they moved through a door at the end of the marble hall, and into a dark cavern.

"To Christians, this is a golden passageway with flowers on either side of the road," God called back to Jeffrey.

There was a dirt track where, because of the sickly light God emitted, they could see just ahead of them, and mushrooms grew on either side of the track. At least the 'odour of sanctity' didn't seem to be present here.

At the end of the cavern they passed into a small room where four or five faceless people dressed all in white were sitting in mouldy armchairs.

"God is good," said one.

"I love you Jesus," said another.

"Praise Him," they all chanted.

They repeated these words over and over in monotonous tones, and as Jeffrey and his party left the room he could hear them chanting still. They passed through many more rooms full of these mindless, chanting people, no longer identifiable as individuals, for you could not tell the difference between men and women, young and old, they all looked the same.

"They are all one in Christ Jesus," said God, "what they never realised is that if all are one, then you as a person cease to be."

"And speaking of Jesus, would you like to see him?"

"I thought you and Jesus were the same person?" said Jeffrey.

"In a sense."

They came into a large dank hall which smelt of damp. In the centre, a bright figure was slumped against a wall, surrounded by faceless people chanting praises. The man was severely emaciated 1, and his ribs stuck out of his body. This man also had no face, and the blank skin was covered in ceaselessly dripping blood, which also flowed from his hands, feet and side, to form a river of blood flowing from him. It had worn a path in the floor, and the people there were drinking it, and smearing it on their bodies with beatific smiles.

At the sound of a muffledgong, Jesus pulled a strip of skin from his chest and said,

"Take, eat, this is my body"

and the faceless figures fell upon the strip of flesh, all covered with blood as it was, and ate it. Jeffrey felt sick.

"They have been doing that every day for two thousand years now," said God, "they will do it for all eternity."

God waved his hand at one of the faceless, bloody people, and they scooped up a handful of the river of blood, and held it out to Jeffrey.

"Would you like some? If you drink it, your sins will be washed away and you can join these people forever."

"No!" Jeffrey shouted.

"Fine by me. Shall we move on?"

The next hall was so full of faceless people that Jeffrey could not hear, so they passed to an empty room next door.

"You see, Jeffrey, these are all the lay Christians. They weren't great thinkers, never questioned, they were the simple faithful who just believed in Me, and that on death they would become One with Me. There is another group, though, more like the people you knew on earth, who I want to introduce you to."

So, following God, Jeffrey came to a room full of smashed statuary, but this had people with faces. These people were still individuals, but their faces were fixed in expressions of anger, hate, condecision or sheer unreasoning stupidity.

"This is the Catholics versus Protestants room," said God.

The people were all arguing, waving Bibles at one another screaming "heretic" or "blasphemer" at intervals.

"They loved arguing so much that they can't stop, not even here. They never ask me for the answer to their argument, although they bow to me when I come in," God said.

They moved on. In all the rooms were people like those, arguing the Trinity, whether Jesus should be called Yashua, and whether churches were right. Their arguments were pointless, as perhaps they had always been, but these people could not stop arguing, lording themselves over others, and promising damnation to those they disagreed with. 'God' never really interested them, it was the feeling of being right that they were interested in, not the God they professed to love.

The last place they came to was a vast open plain stretching as far as the eye could see, with a stagnant river dividing it. On the side they were one, were a bunch of Christians wearing rusted armour, and bearing fierce swords.

"They are going to fight the unbelievers," said God, "whenever they win, they bring back captives for My sacrifice".

He pointed, and Jeffrey saw people writhing on stakes, being burned alive. As one died, Christians took him off his stake, and expertly butchered him, bringing the flesh to God, who greedily ate it, belched, and blessed them.

"Well," said God, his mouth full of human flesh, "you might want to see one of their battles in process."

He clapped his hands, and they all were transported to a village, and the Christians ran riot through it, and Jeffrey could hear the screams of the dying, and blood ran out into the streets. When they were done, they brought forth the women and children to God.

"Kill the women over thirty," he said, "divide up the virgins between yourselves and give a share to me." 2

This they did, and God fondled his share while they whimpered, as he gave his instructions.

"Rip open the pregnant women, and dash the children against the rocks." 3 he ordered.

Jeffrey looked on in horror as the soldiers of God ripped open the wombs and foetuses of the pregnant women, killing them and their babies. Then they picked up the children by the feet and smashed their heads against the rocks with orgasmic cries of delight. Then, all covered with blood and gore as they were, the soldiers raped the captured virgins, as Jeffrey was sick again. And God laughed.

"Now you have to decide, Jeffrey, will you join us? Or will you go to the other place?"

"I will never join you," said Jeffrey, "I cannot take part in anything so vile! No hell can be worse than this!"

"Then I give you your Hell, unbeliever, your hell is to participate in this as a soldier of God for all eternity! You will know exactly what you are doing, but be unable to stop it, your body will be under my control, though your mind be awake! You will eat blood, kill innocents, and rape virgins. And you will do it all for the glory of God and be unable to make complaint!"

Jeffrey screamed.

1. Psalm 22:17 "I can count all my bones- they stare and gloat over me."

2. Numbers 31:18,29 "But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves...Take it of their half, and give it unto Eleazar the priest, for an heave offering of the LORD."

3 Hosea 13:16 "Samaria shall become desolate; for she hath rebelled against her God: they shall fall by the sword: their infants shall be dashed in pieces, and their women with child shall be ripped up." Psalm 137:9 "Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones."