The rain was sickening. It was spat out of the clouds like the snot you sometimes get in your mouth when you’re sick. Yellow snot.

It made me want to puke.

I used to go up on my roof and lay down under it. It would moisten my skin then filter through my clothes. I loved it. Instead of being brown, the sky was a beautiful purplish grey and the city lights would fog like in old black and white movies.

Now, it was just despondent and thick like slush.

Rooftops used to be the favourite hangout of H and I. We did everything up there just because we felt nearer to God.

We didn’t actually believe in God but it was a nice feeling to have. We were in our own Garden of Eden and apples tasted like abstract painting.

Well, that was before he left anyway.

H was of the impetuous kind. He dreamt of faraway lands and unknown shores. He couldn’t stay in one place without wanting to be in another. He was nervous and fidgety: I sometimes wanted to smack him so he’d stop giving me motion sickness.

He was like a ship. When it comes into haven, it’s imposing and full of freedom. But after a few days, you just want it to sail out again because it has lost of its splendour. The stillness of it just gave you a steely taste like you had drank a litre of blood all in one go.

When we turned fifteen, H started running away.

It was never planned and no one ever knew when or where he’d go.

The first time he did, he was gone for a day and came back with stars in his eyes. After that, he would go off at random moments, never minding missing school because living is more important than that.

His parents stopped calling the police because H always returned before he was found. They became used to his little trips and whenever he didn’t show up, they just took his plate off the table and kept it in the fridge, just in case.

But this time, he has been gone for two weeks already and that has never happened.

Worse. He hasn’t even called me. He always does.

---

Calin leaned his head against the computer monitor and looked back at me from over the glasses he wore for reading.

- Don’t fret. I’s sure he’ll be back soon.

He swung his legs around then crossed them, Indian-style, like he always does.

I got up from my place on the bed and went to open the window.

It was still pouring. Maybe H was out there, soaked and cold, wishing he were home.

I doubt it.

Calin leaned back in the chair and sighed.

- I can’t write this, he murmured, looking absently at the screen.

- What’s wrong?

- Fucking words..

- They’ll come back, darling.

- Hates to tell you but I haven’t gotten a decent sentence out of my system for days. My inspiration be fucking gone. Never mind that, though.

He swept his glasses onto the table then twirled to face me, grinning cutely.

- How’s about going out tonight?

- I don’t really feel like it.

- You be’s acting depressed ever since H run off but you know he’ll be back.

I sigh and clasp my hands behind my head. The thing is, I miss H like crazy. He’s like a part of me and without him.. I’m only half there.

- I’m not too sure this time.

- Don’t think worst case scenario, El. It doesn’t look good on you.

Before I could reply, the telephone rang. I nodded to Calin that he could pick up and he put the loudspeaker on.

- Yeah?

- Hey, lil’bitch. How are you? Kieran’s voice replied.

- I’s good. What be up?

- El and you doing something tonight?

Calin glanced over to me and shrugged.

- We’ll probably be watching some movies here.

- How come she’s not answering her own phone?

- She be feeling blue.

- Okay, Kieran said after a slight pause. I’ve got something for her, can I come by?

- Sure. Haul your ass over.

Calin winked at me then stretched a hand to grab the cigarette I was smoking.

Kieran is H’s best friend. We’re all tight but those two were more or less always together unless H and I spent some time alone. He’s the only one out of the three guys who still calls before coming.

- So, whaddya wanna watch?

- The Million Dollar Hotel, I reply, trying to get my cig back.

- That be just ‘cause the girl’s name be Eloise, like you.

- It’s a good movie, you little twerp!

Calin smiled cheekily while playing with his tongue ring. He laughed when I made another lame attempt at catching the cigarette from his hand. Pretending to be pouting, I crawled back in bed, lighting myself another one.

- Where be it? Calin asked as he went searching into my pile of videos.

- In the machine.

- Can we go watch downstairs? Big screen!

- Last one down makes dinner! I childishly exclaimed before making a wild dash towards the door.

- Hey!

He leaps after me and tries to catch up, holding his utterly too baggy pants with one hand and grabbing my pack of Lucky Strikes with the other.

By then, I’m already gliding down the banister and heading to the living room.

- Cheater!

- I’d like some smoked salmon with half-toasted bread, grilled lamb chops accompanied by roasted potatoes and green beans with cream, I smiled languidly. Oh, and pancakes for dessert.

Calin pokes my outstretched stomach then takes the phone.

- All you’ll get from me be pepperoni and cheese pizza.

- Good enough, I said, moving to give him some place on the sofa.

- Did you take the movie with you?

- Oh, shit. Be a darling and go get it, please?

- If you make me pancakes tonight.

- Ugh.. Deal.

He takes the video out of his hoodie pocket then points at me and laughs. I tackle him.

- Slimy little shit!

- Stop! El.. You be’s choking me! He gurgled from hilarity. Come on! El!

I probably would’ve beaten the air out of him if the doorbell hadn’t rung.

- You be’s lucky, lil’punk, I grinned, imitating his way of talking.

He sticks his tongue out at me while desperately trying to flatten his dishevelled blue hair. I blow him a kiss on my way to the door. Calin jogs behind and jumps on my back the minute I open it.

- I come in the middle of the festivities, I see, Kieran smirks.

- Join the orgy! Calin yells in my ear.

- Fuck off, annoying brat, I laugh in his face before dumping him on top of Kieran.

He falls amidst a mess of bondage straps and long hoodie sleeves. While he untangles himself, Kieran steps over him and kisses me on the cheek.

- How’s it going, El?

- I’m alright. I’ve been entertained all day by the little bundle of hyperness here.

- Pizza! Calin exclaims before running outside to meet the delivery man.

He pays then walks back. We settle ourselves in the couch and start eating.

- So, what did you have to bring me? I asked.

Calin peers inquisitively at Kieran who has turned a weird shade of red.

- What be the matter, Kay? Ate a chilli pepper?

- No.. It’s just. Well, okay. Actually, it’s a letter. From H.

I drop my slice of pizza on my pants.

- Fuck! I exclaim, trying to wipe the sauce off. How come he didn’t send it directly to me?

- I.. don’t know.

- Whatever.. Can I have it?

Kieran takes his messenger bag from the floor and gives me an envelope folded in two. I look at it and realise there aren’t any stamps. Just my name written on it.

- Where did it come from?

- I can’t tell you.

- Why the fuck not?!

- Don’t be fucking aggressive with me, Eloise! Just read the fucking letter already!

I glare at him before opening it and reading its contents quickly.

E,

I know you’re probably angry at K for not telling you where I am but I asked him to keep it to himself. I don’t want you to come out and try to find me. I’m alright, I’ve got money with me and right now, I even have somewhere to stay.

These past months, I’ve been really feeling like shit and I didn’t know how to cope with it. I decided to go away for longer this time. It’s been a while I’ve been aching to do so. It was just.. getting too weird there for me. I felt like I couldn’t breathe properly anymore so I went out to get my bowl of fresh air.

Don’t worry. I’ll be back pretty soon when I’ve made my experiences.

Say hi to the lil’punk C for me. I miss all of you but I need to get sorted and live new stuff, I’m tired of dreaming!

I’ll write more later.

Love,

H.

I look up to see the other two staring at me.

- H says hi, Calin, I numbly say.

- When be he coming back? He asks in a soft voice.

- Not this time soon.

- I’m sorry, El.. Kieran starts saying with a guilty look.

- Shut up.. I’m still not sure whether I’m mad at you or not.