Smile. Just smile. No one cares; I won't be saved from the overbearing hell weighed upon me. It's weird how one innocent smile can tell a lie. I wish people could open up their eyes, to the truth buried inside. I really do wish that they would just. just. open up their eyes. See the captured soul inside, no escape. It feels like no sunshine, rain on my parade. I really do wish they would just. just. open up their eyes. I wish the world would be right. No crimes. No times when you fight to save time. I really do wish they would just. just. open up their eyes. As I move heavy feet across the tangled carpet, I can hear the shouts. Shouts that form the tears that streak down my dirty face every night. Shouts that stick bloodily against me like no knife could, shouts that kill me inside out. I really do wish that they would just. just. open up their eyes. Open up their eyes to the truth inside, set me free, let me die.
"No." a shaky voice overwhelms me as I sputter out those two letters. No. No, I don't want to die. I want to come back to life. Yes, back to life. Back to the clouds that made me wonder in awe about their allusive shapes. Not back to the confusing machines making me rack my brain to remember how each and every machine functions. Yes, especially back to those stimulating sunsets. Where everyone would get a blanket and look out at every motion of the setting sun as it moves from orange to a starry night. Not back to looking at my cold, dark ceiling in the middle of the night. Waiting with shaking hands for the sun to never get up, but it always does. It always will. Filled with nostalgia, I remembered when he came home, upset and foreboding. Shouts filled the room as we went to bed early. I could still hear the shouts, and the pounding, the pounding that's still lost in my eardrums.
"Shit." I looked down into the sink that was turning red from the drops of blood. I looked down at my arm; scars appearing from the top of my arm down to the outskirts of my wrist. Then at my other hand, a sharp blade held firmly in its grip. Bitter tears stung my eyes and rolled down my cheeks, cleaning the dirt spots that were left from today. Soon, I felt the bottom of my bathroom floor as I curled in a ball at the base of the door. Crying from the numbing pain and my own shame, I could hear the pounding. Finally, I could see the comforting dark enclose me as my body fell limply to the cold, hard floor.
"I really do wish they would just. just." Yes, I really do wish they would just. just. open up their eyes. Open up their eyes to the truth behind the fake smile plastered on my morbid face. Just to go back to before, before my hell formed. If I could, I would. Cold shivers on my body that make me shiver inside accompany me this dreary night. So does the black darkness that takes frail life. The dark that I wish I could escape. Except, I just know that will never happen. For as the clocks strike midnight and little kids sleep warm and soundly in their beds, I sleep on a bathroom floor and let the darkness envelope me. For I really do wish they would just. just. open up their eyes, to the truth behind the plastered smile.